To complain to the zoo about the wanking monkeys?

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I took DS2 to the zoo yesterday. It's taken me years to get it into his head that he only plays with his willy in private. About half the male primates were rubbing their dicks on tree branches and one was standing right up against the glass having a good old tug.
Then, as soon as we entered the reptile house, we were greeted by the sight of 2 giant tortoises shagging.
AIBU to ask the zoo to put warning up for visitors?

Warning! Keep away from the fucking tortoises and the monkeys (they're wankers)!

Poor frog 🐸🐒

Just pondering why evolution didn't give that specialist skill to humans.

It did, to a select few. Hypermobile joints + well endowed + relatively highly placed bottom rib. I think about 1% of people.

The chosen few...
I'm deffo not googling that either!

The zoo is a perfect time to teach the facts of life.

DS got his right in our own backyard when he came across me assisting two dogs to mate. He's obviously make of quite tough stuff as his only comment was 'mummy, you're going to want a wine after that'.

Yeah, don't google it. I only believe it because I briefly dated one.

We used to have four tortoises, all the neighbours kids knew the facts of life very early. Could be heard shagging from several gardens away. Shrieking noises!

I hate to ask, but did he, errm demonstrate?

If human males could suck their own, I think we'd have gone extinct by now tbh. They'd never get anything done

Yeah. Once.

I was young and curious, ok.

Yeah I remember the frog video, poor bugger.

Thank Christ it wasn't Godzilla and King Kong.
Their wongers are exceedingly long
Umbrella are needed by the throng
Of astounded folks looking on.!

You poor thing.
That must have been difficult to forget.

I'm not sure that all men would embrace autofellatio.

Gosh....imagine being confronted with this!!

Holy crap, what is that?!?

SeaWorld pays it's trainers to wank off the orcas.

Orca. Aka killer whale

Still not as big as a blue whale but there we go

Snuff froggy porno? Crying with laughter - I shouldn't be, it's horrific, poor frog, and the monkey in question needs spanking.

Good Gawd!

the op was joking wasn't she about complaining wasn't she !????? [new to thread]

Ratio: 1:10. At 30m long, you'd expect the largest animal on Earth to have a painfully large wang. At 8ft long (16 times bigger than the average human penis), the Blue Whale has enough to dick to feed a small country

Imagine the job ad.
"Are you a strong swimmer? Good people skills? Look good in a wetsuit? Unconcerned about animal welfare? Do you really really really love killer whales?"

At whale dick!

Just think.... That penis would be bigger humans!