To complain to the zoo about the wanking monkeys?

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I took DS2 to the zoo yesterday. It's taken me years to get it into his head that he only plays with his willy in private. About half the male primates were rubbing their dicks on tree branches and one was standing right up against the glass having a good old tug.
Then, as soon as we entered the reptile house, we were greeted by the sight of 2 giant tortoises shagging.
AIBU to ask the zoo to put warning up for visitors?

Imagine cleaning your wok after !

Even seen a randy Tapir? Those creatures have penises about 3 foot long and it bounced off the floor as he approached a totally bored looking female. I was rivetted

Holy crap that's impressive

Oh myyy god its very stretchy

Once took a group of school kids to Chester Zoo and as we came out of the monkey house a group of monkeys outside were having an orgy ... About 20 of them. Every single kid for their phones out to video.

Oh and the chimps at Chester shit in their hands and eat it. Or throw it at the visitors.

Just pondering why evolution didn't give that specialist skill to humans.

What is it about tortoise sex videos?!

They are so.....funny

This thread has cracked me up, I would love^ to see a sign at a zoo saying "beware of masturbating monkeys and fucking tortoises"

Were they weeping bicycle monkeys?

Showed DH picture. He's locked himself in the shed. AIBU to think that's cheating?

Owankutang 😂

I might have said "fucking tortoise!" before... Those claws are very sharp, especially in the top of your foot.

Well they are weeping from somewhere

And I think cheating is the least of your worries...I would wonder why he locked himself in a shed after seeing the picture of a monkey!!!

I was feeling really down this morning but that video of the tortoises has had me crying with laughter so thank you!

It all makes sense now! The childminder was just thinking of the children... You never get this sort of malarkey at a museum.

Not wanking related, but a zoo near me had a sign up saying Some of our parrots are rescues and might swear we are very sorry 😂

Monkey World was a bit surprising actually. The show presents a rather civilized picture of their day to day lives, but in reality it's constant shagging and wanking - even in the Bachelor's compound. Actually, especially in the Bachelors compound...

I remember going to Foto Island in Ireland with my grandparents at about age 8.

The money's there were the most disgusting yet hilarious animals ever. We used to nag so we could go see the 'poo eating monkeys'

My great grandmas face was a picture when the wanking monkeys stared at her while going at it. She couldn't look away.

I think she said like 74932 Hail Marys after that and washed in dettol 😂

I am an idiot! I never knew tortoises had sex like that. I assumed she laid eggs and he fertilised them externally. I would have been fascinated to see tortoises getting jiggy in real life!

Was it Chester Zoo? The monkeys are always wanking there.

They really are. I saw my first monkey-wank there.

We have pet tortoises. They are always at it. Male looks ridiculous, female bored or faintly panic stricken (but separate them and she'll often seek him out).

"Is that what it's like with people mummy?"
"Somewhat, my love. " Cue killer glare from dh

Polkadots They had discovered the glove compartment in the car and were happily emptying the contents. They ignored the animals completely but got excited when we got home and a pigeon was strolling up the street. Me and my husband have agreed that next time one of us foolishly mentions a trip to the safari park, we'll just set light to £50 and take the kids to Pets at Home and avoid the stress of it all (and the shagging baboons).

^"Is that what it's like with people mummy?"
"Somewhat, my love. " Cue killer glare from dh^

I once heard that the velociraptor noises in Jussic park were actually giant tortoises shagging. No Idea if it's true but want it to be

Best animal shag I witnessed was two hippos at it. It was amazing. The female carried on eating (seems like most female animals prefer to eat than shag) and it was over in about 30 seconds. My daughter thought the female was giving the male a piggyback. I didn't enlighten her.