To complain to the zoo about the wanking monkeys?

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I took DS2 to the zoo yesterday. It's taken me years to get it into his head that he only plays with his willy in private. About half the male primates were rubbing their dicks on tree branches and one was standing right up against the glass having a good old tug.
Then, as soon as we entered the reptile house, we were greeted by the sight of 2 giant tortoises shagging.
AIBU to ask the zoo to put warning up for visitors?

Well it's nature at it's best, the circle of life, Are you serious? you can't hide animals doing natural things, It's hard enough hiding human adult behaviour on TV, in songs on the streets. what if your kids look out the window and see dogs humping or cats or birds, just be glad they haven't seen their parents making love. I always explain that the animals are adults, love each other, are married( keeping some old fashioned child innocence) and making a family.

OP, YABVVVU in coming to MN to complain about it.
Sure, you start a MN thread, you get to FB, then the DM picks it up and publishes it, blames the EU, congratulate themselves that the UK will soon be out and will be able to put prudish notices around the bonobo enclosures, someone at Chester Zoo reads it, takes it to Management, they put the notices, teach the apes to wank in private, or at least wear a rain coat.
But, wouldn't it be easier and faster to send Chester Zoo a quick email, preferably with photos and a suitable sad face?

@vixxfacee 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 thanks for the laugh 👍👍👍👍

One of those I dont like mondays at work, followed by a longer than normal commute

I recently went to Monkey World and the animals behaved impecably

This thread made me laugh !

If I had to vote who behaved most like a monkey today, which one would I choose ?

-----

How old is your child ?

---

Animals behave like animals

I took my kids to Chester zoo to be greeted by the sight of a female chimp facing the window, legs akimbo properly going at it fingering herself. The look of pure joy on her face will stay with me forever. My son didn't realise what was going on, my daughter walked off in disgust as I bent double with laughter and took a photo

A few years before in Edinburgh zoo, there were a couple of smaller monkeys, one with a raging stiffy having his bum fingered.

Thankfully the kids didn't spot those.....

I lurves Mumsnet and it's not even the weekend

babybythesea,
Your post is hilarious and do you know what, I believe every word of it as I have been to London Zoo many times with my 6 year old and even I was bloody shocked at what the monkeys get up to and had to move on pretty quick to the next enclosure.
However never stayed long enough to see one of them suck their own willy, but I can bloody believe you.
Thanks for posting ,laughed loads.

Oh dear lord this has made my day..

OH insisted on looking up the chimp frog video. My retinas will never be clean again.

I expect to see this in the daily wail - its been blogged and shared on FB already.

casper fancy sharing that photo?

Brilliant! 'Wank Warning' why didn't they think of this sooner? It's such an oversight!

RGreat joke! You couldn't be serious.

Just pondering what the DM piece would look like. I presume they'd want a shocked face rather than a sad one. And would the photo have a pixelated-out monkey penis in the background?

You do know that's what your partner does when you aren't around, don't you? ... jeez!

haloumi, you do know that it's quite a good idea to read OP's posts before posting, don't you?

May I add (haven't rtft, just skimmed it) this:

I went to a zoo abroad with both dc last year. We wen't to the building that housed the big cats; the place was ok but the animals seemed stressed by so many visitors. There were a couple of lions in an indoors building but no glass between the animals and zoo visitors, just some space and obviously a fence.

There were so many visitors and the lions were pacing up an down seemingly annoyed and irate.

Suddenly one of the lions (not sure whether male or female) began to urinate in one gigantic stream directed at the visitors and missed my dc1 (PFB!!) by an arms-length. I was a bit but luckily dc1 had not noticed a thing. Poor animals but that seemed like a H&S problem.

Lucyinthesky

Are those standing up willies in your post?!

(Rushes off to wash out soiled eyeballs with domestos)

"gasps" - not "gaps"

Me and this auto-thing are going to fall out very soon

I am scarred, mentally scarred I tell you at the memory of the sight of a cute tapir getting an erection the size of a packet of bockwurst laid end to end with a kind of prehensile star at the end. The other couple watching were as aghast as we were at the thought of that going into a lady tapir. The various kids got bored and ran off to play on the climbing frame. My 14 year old DS, who has a keen interest in willies, was amused, shocked and baffled all at the same time. Nature, eh?

Lest you think I am making this up ...

That picture would probably be banned if it was on the BBC.

Lots of posts on this thread made me really really laugh during a bout of insomnia last night, especially accidental ferret blow job, but nothing can beat the video of a tortoise humping a wok . Tortoises seem to be incredibly randy creatures from all the many anecdotes on this thread.

It's like a cat'o'nine tails, how reluctant were the lady tapirs that they needed to evolve something that long and sure to stay in?!?

JudyCoolibar yes. It's about a person on a site dedicated to the results of reproduction being shocked by actions relating to reproduction.

Boffin

Jesus Wept!!!