To complain to the zoo about the wanking monkeys?

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I took DS2 to the zoo yesterday. It's taken me years to get it into his head that he only plays with his willy in private. About half the male primates were rubbing their dicks on tree branches and one was standing right up against the glass having a good old tug.
Then, as soon as we entered the reptile house, we were greeted by the sight of 2 giant tortoises shagging.
AIBU to ask the zoo to put warning up for visitors?

Saw the Tescos ad today where they use CLUbCARD vouchers to take the kids to the zoo. Then infront of the monkey enclosure and the adults look shocked and cover the kids eyes. Made me think of this thread!

What are they going to do? Fit the monkey's with little cock cages (in honour of the penetration man thread) to teach them the value of self denial?

I nearly chocked on my turkey twizzlers 😂🙈 wanking monkeys, horny tortoises!! Whatever next! Meat eating tigers!
You could of course use it to educate your child that animals behave differently to humans or depending on how old they are use it as a way of explaining the birds and the bees

I miss turkey twizzlers :(

I never knew how big a Rhinos Willy was until we went to the zoo. It's the size of one of their back legs!! Huge!!! It dragged on the ground! Luckily DS didn't copy!

This is the best thread added to AIBU. The answer is so simple. Don't visit the zoo!!

I cannot believe you have posted this on Mumsnet. You should have written it as an open letter to the Daily Telegraph or The Times. The replies would have been priceless!! I'm sure one of their cartoonists could come up with a warning poster for you.

Op THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!! I've had a shitty day (literally with ds2) and this has me in fits of giggles and im only on page 3

Hahahaha is this a joke?!

Beware: these animals may wank...

This thread is gold. Can't get past the guy giving his ferrets blow jobs. Class.

What kind of monkeys were there? A person I knew, who had a very vast knowledge about anthropology, once mentioned that there some primates that were even closer to humans than chimpanzees. He also said they were vastly unknown as they couldn't be exhibited in zoos or made good documentaries as they were at it ALL the time.

I have always wondered what kind of monkeys they were, not that you can search wa... monkey in Google and get a serious scientific answer to your search.

I have had a horrible horrible day and am loving catching up on this thread

Actually - just wondering how old DS is if it has taken you years to get it into his head. He's not 32 - surely?

You could use it as an educational thing. Explain that what separates us and the monkeys from other mammals is that we have opposable thumbs and that what separates us from the monkey is that we (usually) use ours to wank in private!!

YANBU, in fact I think it's awful. I'm considering complaining about wet rain and blowy wind. Also the fact that trees have leaves annoys the hell out of me. Who the hell does Nature think it is, letting all these naturally occurring things occur naturally?

Memy is that bonobos? They do it constantly.

MeMySon

Probably bonobo chimpanzees

A subspecies of most chimps we see. We do actually have them in captivity too

Sex is a big thing for them. It's used as a greet, sign of dominance and submissiveness, saying sorry etc.

It's male to male, female to female, male to female and even adult and infant.

It's not just sex. They will do oral sex and even mutual masturbation

We went to longleat and the drive through monkey bit in the safari when a money started rubbing himself against the rear window. Every one of my.kids were screaming.in laughter!

A bloke used to do it in front of his window as I passed on my way to work (so we aren't that far apart from the monkeys). I reported him to the police and his defence in court was that he was exercising! 😂😂😂

Perhaps the sign could say "please excuse the monkeys, they are just exercising"!

Ha sofabitch same here! they thought it was brilliant. i have monkey butt on film as well. Epic.

I love this thread a lot.

This is obviously a Piss take, right? 😂

Woody your story is even more fabulous based upon your username!

Although I am laughing I can imagine this was actually quite disturbing to see that dirty old man

Sounds like an indie band!

Serious comment now. I was at Monkey World and saw a little monkey with a big old stonk on, turned around and my manager was stood there with his family. We had a good laugh about it. He had all is kids with him and not one shit was given about the natural act

Hilarious