To complain to the zoo about the wanking monkeys?

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I took DS2 to the zoo yesterday. It's taken me years to get it into his head that he only plays with his willy in private. About half the male primates were rubbing their dicks on tree branches and one was standing right up against the glass having a good old tug.
Then, as soon as we entered the reptile house, we were greeted by the sight of 2 giant tortoises shagging.
AIBU to ask the zoo to put warning up for visitors?

You never get this sort of malarkey at a museum.

Have you ever been to the Human Body part of the NHM in London?
I went with DS when he was 3 and as I turned around there was a huge wall size drawing of a man and a woman having sex.
It scarred me for life.

BTW, you should stick to pandas. You won't catch those having sex!

Horny - I think you have to find some that have spent enough time with humans to have got annoyed with us and figured out bad habits - try Port Lymne if you're in Kent - that's where I first learned the rule (second hand - the group ahead of us bore the brunt!)

I've been to Chester zoo today. Lots of wanking monkeys. No shgging tortoises that I noticed.

Ticket btw has a QR code and nothing like that ticket from the Zoominder thread.

Ticket btw has a QR code and nothing like that ticket from the Zoominder thread.

The OP on that thread should be thankful the CM never went, then.

Have you ever been to the Human Body part of the NHM in London?

Ah yes... I have fond memories of DS1, aged 4, exclaiming "LOOK AT ALL THOSE WILLIES!!"

I went on a day trip with DH before children. 1st place we went to had incredibly rampant and vocal Guinea pigs. Second place was a zoo. It had a nocturnal section. There was a lorus rocking backwards and forwards we just stepped forward to look at it more closely when it released large amounts of lorus juice at face height onto the glass between us ! Slightly perturbed by this we went out to see the chimpanzees 3 of whom were sitting in a row right at the front with fluorescent pink genitals on full display being enthusiastically tugged at. The school trip of 9-10 year olds going round at the time was very entertained and the poor teacher was really struggling to keep control of the hysteria !

you had me at the title

Always see shagging tortoises at the sea life centre for some reason

We went to zoo couple of years ago and a gorilla was giving another gorilla a BJ. My then 8-yr-olds were aware that something a bit rude was going on probably because mommy was in hysterics When they asked me what the gorillas were doing I said "checking for fleas"
Still makes me chuckle.

All shagging animals are funny to watch. Unless it's BIL bastard dog humping my leg in the high street.
Though everyone else found it funny.

Reminds me of an old routine my ex-sailor DF used to go through:

Take a look at the 100 spotted leopard folks; 99 spots on his body and one on his..cock your eyes this way ladies and gents and see the winking chimp. Every time he blinks his eye he skins his dick..........stop throwing sand in his eye sonny. Here we have the shitting elephant. Every time he shits, he shits a ton........look out pal......too late, DIG HIM OUT!!!!

Sorry to digress

I've seen slugs mating. It's amazing. They hang on a thread, turn themselves inside out and twist slowly round. It's quite beautiful really.

Best laugh I've had in ages

I've given rise to a name change! Thank you randytortoise, thank you! (Enters mumsnet hall of fame, head held proud...)

Took dd to a small farm place once and there was a sign up next to the pigs pen saying 'Please note that during the months of x to x that our pigs will likely to be found having special cuddles. If you do not wish your children to witness this, we suggest parents check the pens before letting the children in'.

One of the funniest things ever was a friend of mine, who keeps ferrets told me about a post she'd read on a ferret forum. She said a guy had posted that his ferrets love having their tummy buttons kissed and having raspberrys blown on them. Ferrets don't have tummy buttons. However, their penis is mid way down their tummy. Poor guy had in effect been giving his ferrets a blow job.

One of the funniest things ever was a friend of mine, who keeps ferrets told me about a post she'd read on a ferret forum. She said a guy had posted that his ferrets love having their tummy buttons kissed and having raspberrys blown on them. Ferrets don't have tummy buttons. However, their penis is mid way down their tummy. Poor guy had in effect been giving his ferrets a blow job.

Hahahahahahhaha!!!! omg!!

That's the best story ever. Accidental ferret blow jobs. Priceless.

@ferrets

One of the funniest things ever was a friend of mine, who keeps ferrets told me about a post she'd read on a ferret forum. She said a guy had posted that his ferrets love having their tummy buttons kissed and having raspberrys blown on them. Ferrets don't have tummy buttons. However, their penis is mid way down their tummy. Poor guy had in effect been giving his ferrets a blow job.

--

Eww and lol in equal measure

nooo accidental ferret blow jobs!? How did he not work out what that was?!

Not entirely sure what happened there

quickly closes mouth so no possibility of accidental ferret blow job exists

They're doing what they do on the Discovery channel!
We saw a donkey with a massive erection on holiday - was highlight of our day - and yes, he was hung like a donkey!!

Oh please do complain. That would be excellent. Then tell us all about it

Wanking monkeys are the highlight of my trips to the zoo.