To complain to the zoo about the wanking monkeys?

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I took DS2 to the zoo yesterday. It's taken me years to get it into his head that he only plays with his willy in private. About half the male primates were rubbing their dicks on tree branches and one was standing right up against the glass having a good old tug.
Then, as soon as we entered the reptile house, we were greeted by the sight of 2 giant tortoises shagging.
AIBU to ask the zoo to put warning up for visitors?

I was once woken up by 2 hedgehogs having sex on the lawn. They were so loud I thought it was my neighbours!

Cat sex. Now there's a loud one.

Can you blame cats?!

Poor sods. They get their vaginas ripped to shreds by the males barbed penis

Make it stop Neville! This made me laugh sooooo hard!!!

I remember taking my Niece, about 7 at the time, to a farm park and we were greeted by 2 fucking pigs going at it like the clappers. That was a fun one to explain away

She's 14 now and always reminds people of the time "Aunty Pinky tried to pretend shagging pigs were just having a cuddle"

BMW=beware monkey wanking?

I reckon tortoises are randy little buggers when given the chance - I remember the reptile house at our local zoo when DS was about 3 or 4, and there were at least three pairs of copulating tortoises. I think DS just thought they were climbing over one another.

I once saw one at Monkey World poo into his hand and eat it, that was pretty revolting.

Last time I went to the zoo there was a male baboon sitting on a rock in the enclosure, furiously masturbating. All the female baboons were wandering around and every so often one of them would look up at him and roll her eyes as if to say 'Christ he's not wanking again is he?'

Hopefully any willy tuggers watching would realise that public fiddling gets you nowhere with women.

1 of the orangs at monkeyworld pissed on passers by it was hilarious a keeper told her off im sure she wandered off laughing

"Make it stop Neville!"

I was about ready for a name change.

Make it stop Neville

I saw one monkey go down on another monkey. It was quite magical actually.

Magical? What came out, glitter?

How loud can hedgehog sex be ?

Well, nothing came out- I think he was going down on her ... But it was strangely compulsive viewing!

I've never seen a monkey having a wank at a zoo but I was lucky enough to watch a duck gangbang whilst queuing at Alton Towers. The lady duck wasn't very happy with one of her suitors, threw him off, and he landed on his back, quacking furiously, with his twigletty little duck duck exposed for all to see.

Duck dick that should be. Duck you autocorrect.

I'm loving the thread inspired usernames!

BEST THREAD EVER
I don't know whether to thank you for the laugh or give you a great big

Fab thread. But to be fair to the OP, a friend's DS once asked "Mummy why are chimpanzees allowed to play with their willies if I'm not?"

Has anyone ever seen a female monkey flicking the bean? Maybe there's a niche market for primate sex toys? Dragon's Den, here I come!

We went to Birdworld today. We went into one of the walk through cages and a lady said "they should warn you that the birds fly around".

Ok...monkey sex toys....yes it's getting weird on mn