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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at baby being passed around like a toy....

160 replies

littleladybird14 · 21/08/2016 02:27

Went to relatives of my DH this week who we don't see that often. There were lots of other people there who I vaguely know (often at their family gatherings but no relation to us). It was the first time we were bringing our newborn DS to show to DH relative. Once we got there and said our initial hellos my DH offered his relative a hold of our DS. She cooed and held him for a matter of minutes before announcing to the room, 'anyone else want a go?'. He then got passed to three people I vaguely know to say hello to as if he was some sort of toy and without any recognition to either myself or my DS if that would be OK.

AIBU to be annoyed? If i put myself in the other position I wouldn't hold someone's baby unless I knew them fairly well and the parents had directly offered, or if in this case I'd been offered by someone else I'd out of courtesy check with the DP that that would be OK. Felt like my poor DS was passed around like a parcel and I couldn't say anything without offending someone (so I ended up being the one feeling upset!).Hmm

OP posts:
Whathaveilost · 24/08/2016 06:56

This is a regular topic on MN. I think you are overreacting.
Most people love to see a newborn in the family and of course it's lovely to to hold a baby.
I remember feeling so proud when people wanted a hold of my baby. I couldn't quite believe that me and DH has created him so I wasp
pleased people were interested,

Quite a few people that were there for the initial visit at home are now dead 20 years later. (Eg DHs mother,aunty, my nan and grandad and my brother) They all held baby DS and it gave them a few moments of pleasure while I took photos. I love those pictures and memories.

Muckersesquire · 24/08/2016 08:18

I'd be fuming and would demand my baby back! no nicey nicey I'm afraid and if they didn't like it well that's tough. And as for the other persons comment 'they won't be interested in him when he's older' is absolute nonsense. Can I ask what AIBU stands for though please? I struggle to figure out the abbreviations.

BertrandRussell · 24/08/2016 08:25

"but it seems like people seem to view a new baby as an object, rather than a sentient being"

I don't get this. Of course they are seeing the baby as a sentient being- why else would they want to hold and greet and talk to and adore him/her?

If they saw him/her as an object they'd just dump them in a corner and ignore!

AppleSetsSail · 24/08/2016 08:34

I wouldn't enjoy being passed around as an object, why is is suddenly ok to do it with a baby?

How bizarre. Babies are passed around and transitioned constantly all day long because the person holding the baby gets tired, their arms ache, so they shuffle the bundle or put the baby in a bouncy chair or hand him to someone else to hold. This is life as a baby.

If the baby doesn't like being held by other people, he'll cry and he should be passed back to his parents.

Lickedthespoon · 24/08/2016 08:40

AIBU - Am I Being Unreasonable

TooGood2BeFalse · 24/08/2016 08:40

My MIL handed my newborn over the fence for a neighbour to hold yesterday! A neighbour I have met perhaps twice.I wasn't happy at all.

conscience13 · 24/08/2016 09:47

Nobody will care after two years Smile ! Anyone for that matter loves little babies... Smile
Nothing to bother and worry about ! Take it easy and enjoy the get together.

Yorkieheaven · 24/08/2016 10:17

It all boils down to this. Some new mums have a visceral raw fear of people holding her baby and seeing baby passed around to family and friends. If this is the case why on earth would any loving family member trample on there feelings or disregard them.

Some mums don't mind and so that's fine.

It's about respect for mum.

I would add my ds also felt very protective too of his baby.

New parents need support not added stress. Respect their wishes even if you disagree or see it as pfb your wishes don't count.

Butterpuff · 24/08/2016 13:17

I wasn't keen for holding my PFB but friends and family friends were ok if MIL trusts her old school friend with her PFGB then so should I.

I don't like people taking the baby though, I have a friend who thought she could settle my baby better than me so would try to take her away as soon as DD started to cry. Just why do you think that is a good idea.

But take heart in this scenario if you don't like pass the parcel. I was once at a BBQ and everyone there was literally sitting in a big circle passing a newish born baby round and round. Each person had a jiggle, or fed it a little more milk from a bottle then passed it on. I didn't know the family well and am nervous of other people's babies so passed my go on very quickly. I couldn't help thinking we were actually playing a game of baby puke Russian roulette. I was right. After about half an hour the baby full of milk and shaken up by all the bouncing and jiggling puked all over a couple of the guests. So maybe baby can take revenge!

AGenie · 24/08/2016 18:46

This drove me up the wall too, and especially if ds was taken out of the room.

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