Furious with teacher!

[Pilesofironing]

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

What exactly is your objection LRD? Is it that you think the use of the opposite sex to say the words assumes a heteronormative viewpoint? (Badly worded, sorry!)

If so aren't you assuming the words are to be spoken in a romantic / relationship way, whereas they are often spoken non-romantically?

I realise you were asking someone else, but I can remember being 10 in a mixed primary school and I would have been absolutely mortified to be forced to play this game - having to declare my love for a randomly chosen boy in the class, the thought of having to endure months of bullying afterwards of the "Matilda and Boy, sitting in a tree..." variety. (It was bad enough having to hold their hands in country dancing...) Why, why would you force children on the cusp of puberty, at an age where they feel very awkward both around the opposite sex and around their feelings (or perhaps lack of feelings) towards the opposite sex to play this sort of game? What is it meant to achieve?

titchy - I think that if you make the determining issue finding someone of the opposite sex, it suggests that the wording ('I love you') is to be understood in the context of sex. That's all.

It is heteronormative, I guess, but what I think is more of a problem is that there's no real need to separate children by sex, is there? Unless you think that it's relevant to saying 'I love you'.

I'd have been really squirmy about that at age 10, and I think a lot of children would be. Pushing children's boundaries and letting them deal with discomfort seems fine, but this just seems too close to meanness for the shy ones.

Cross posted and matilda explained it better than me.

No need to separate them by sex at all, is there?

Am not a teacher but separating by sex is just quick and easy isn't it? You want to avoid groups of friends just choosing each other, so you make kids choose on another basis. Could just as easily be split into dark hair and fair hair but then you get endless debate about what colour Sarah's hair is. Boy/girl is just quick and easy.

And usually used in secondary seating plans.

It can be quick and easy, but it's not a good idea in a context like this, where it gives an undertone to the exercise and makes it potentially embarrassing.

I'd just divide the room in half - just as quick and easy.

Arghghghgh!!! There is no need to divide anyone. Each child does it ONE AT A TIME and chooses a different person. In fact, if that person laughs, then the child moves on to the next child.

Perhaps the majority of posters should just accept this is a game they have not played and are choosing not to try to understand and leave it at that.

This is NOT game played in pairs, or in two groups, or in teams. And the fact that it might have embarrassed you does not mean that children should not play it. As has been said by other posters about this and other things. I found playing rounders mortifying all the way through school because, try as I might, I could not hit the bloody ball. Doesn't mean I think it is inappropriate though.

Ok ... please calm down.

I was replying to the previous poster talking about gender as a way of separating classes. As far as I can understand, she was talking fairly generally, as was I.

I realise that, for reasons I can't fathom, this game has some kind of special meaning to you and you're incredibly invested in making sure we discuss it in exactly the way you want. But could you try to accept that some of us just don't care about the specifics of the game?

We just care about discussing the OP's issues and the general topic. Right?

If you don't care about the specifics of the game then stop suggesting how it should be played!

And I'm afraid the game and the OP's DS's reaction to it IS the point of the thread.

Oh, and I'm perfectly calm. It's just frustrating to be ignore when trying to give the facts about something (even something as insignificant as a classroom game)

Um, no, I'll carry on posting, thanks. I have just as much right to do that as you.

You're clearly not calm. You are posting 'argh' in response to two people having a discussion that doesn't meet your rather odd standards, on the internet. It is extremely strange.

If you say so.

Discussing how to play a game without knowing how to play that game then pronouncing it "inappropriate" is also pretty odd, in my view.

But I'm not remotely interested in how the game is played, and I don't see how it's relevant.

All I'm pointing out is that the aspects the OP mentions - which are slightly different from the game drama teachers on this thread seem to be talking about - are inappropriate, in my view.

I teach medieval literature. If I told you that I usually do that by lining up the boys against the wall and making penis jokes at their expense, I sincerely doubt you would need to understand how to conjugate an Anglo-Saxon verb, to have a view on whether or not that was appropriate.

This is not remotely as extreme an example, but the parallel stands.

Not even remotely similar.

If I insisted that you taught medieval literature by lining the boys up and making penis jokes, then, when you told me that's not what happens and I said I didn't care, I know that your way of teaching is inappropriate, and that I would do it differently, since lining boys up and making penis jokes is wrong, you'd probably find that frustrating.

Oh, and all the OP says about how the game is played is this:
the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex.

No mention of pairs or dividing into groups.

But you know that, because we're now going round in circles. But you've decided not to care

I think you got some unfair treatment there, OP

I can totally see that your DS meant his outburst as an enthusiastic contribution to a slightly weird and embarrassing game. And I feel for him as I have two DSs who would have hated to be told to leave the class because of a misunderstood but well-intentioned remark.

Teacher was not homophobic (though as an aside, the premise of the game seems to exclude the idea of love between two members of the same sex, so on that basis, he does not seem exactly homophile either!).

He may have incorrectly interpreted your DS's comment as homophobic, which seems strange really -- he is just a young boy participating in class as best he can in strange circumstances.

Glad you've calmed down. I would have been upset about my child being sent out of class.

Well, I think it's similar.

However you cut it, the teacher used sex as a determining factor in a game including saying 'I love you'. Loads of posters have said why that's a poor way to teach.

If you actually disagree with that, fine. But instead, you're flying off the handle and insisting we can't be entitled to an opinion, because you are unusually involved in tiny details.

So no ... I can't really see myself getting as 'frustrated' as you are about something like this, and it's confusing to me why you are.

I used to play this game a lot when I was in year 4... not under a teacher's instruction, we would just play it around our table when we'd finished the work or during wet play. Then we started playing it in drama lessons in year 6, and we still all had a giggle. It's a common game and I don't think I was scared for life

Whether the teacher's reaction was appropriate or not depends, imo, on the way in which OP's DS said his comment. If it was reminding the teacher that lesbians exist, then I think just a quick reminder not to put his hand up would be enough. But when I read the OP, I assumed it was said more in a tone of disgust at the idea that people might be lesbian - in which case I think that sending him out of the room was the correct response.

I was a "good girl" at primary school and I burst into tears when I was told off for forgetting my swim kit, so while I would comfort DS (obviously) I don't think it means that the teacher did anything over the top - but do go in and have a word if you're worried.

LRD

I have to say that the main difference in your example to the OP's is that your example would get you fired.

Matilda, if after the whole class has spent five minutes declaring their love to various people you had to endure months of "Matilda and boy sitting in the tree kissing" then I am not sure it is about the game. I suspect no one would remember an individual male/female pairing but they might notice and make a bigger fuss about a same sex pairing.

It is DRAMA. Acting is all about becoming a different character so it makes no difference whether the child really
is gay or straight.

Marco - just reporting how I as a 10 year old would have felt about it. (And at my primary school even if it had been a whole class exercise, the kids would have latched onto some poor unfortunate sod they arbitrarily decided "meant it"). I hated drama lessons with a passion - I have vague memories of the excruciating discomfort of having to pretend to be a tree waving in the breeze. Fortunately, I discovered the joys of helping paint the scenery and run the lighting rig at an early age. And weirdly, I have grown into a very confident and (apparently) very good public speaker and communicator.

It is DRAMA.

Yes, love, but it's drama for children. It's not Laurence Olivier reincarnated and begging for guidance on his new performance.

LRD drama for children doesn't have to mean being trees. Kids are capable of a LOT. Let's not patronise or underestimate their abilities.

You know, for someone who quibbles about me using 'pair' to mean 'one person with another person,' you're remarkably liberal batshit in your own interpretations of other people's posts.

I don't think drama has to mean being trees, no.

I'm not interested in patronising children. I am suggesting that the pretentiousness of certain posters is a bit daft. If I went around declaring that teaching students to write essays was all 'ART, DARLING' and refusing to think about whether I was, at the same time, being a bit of a wanker towards my classes, I'd think I was equally at fault. But I don't.

OP is your son off to senior school next year? If so I think you should be thanking the teacher, if your son's first telling off at school was going to result in such a strong reaction it is good that he has got it out of the way at primary school. If he did that next year he would get such a ribbing by kids who don't know him well, at least at primary it is more acceptable to have a cry and the kids will know him well.

It is one of his firsts and probably won't be the last, adolescents tend to get a bit cheeky and moody and my DD, who is a teacher, says year 9s tend to be a bit of a handful. Imagine if he had this reaction to his first telling off as a hormonal 14 year old.