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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with teacher!

302 replies

Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 20:49

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

OP posts:
LittleBeautyBelle · 22/08/2016 19:07

Ah, I see. "I love you" are just words to you, in games and in life.

LittleBeautyBelle · 22/08/2016 19:11

in how you speak to others online. The irony, you've played the game so many times, but it never translated into respect for others in online forums.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/08/2016 19:13

But, orly, would you insist the children only played the game in opposite-sex pairs?

Because it seems to me that doing that allows for confusion, and I agree that it seems inappropriate.

titchy · 22/08/2016 19:21

Ah, I see. "I love you" are just words to you, in games and in life.
Errr in the context of a drama lesson of course they're just words...what else could they be?

When kids are acting out Romeo and Juliet they're not actually killing themselves... Bruce Willis isn't actually killing people in Die Hard. It's NOT REAL!

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 19:25

What titchy said.

Heaven help us if it really was real.

Wink murder anyone?

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 19:26

LRD The game is not played in pairs. how many times?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/08/2016 19:28

But the OP says it was. So, isn't that the issue?

If you don't play the game in opposite-sex pairs, as described in the OP, then you're not comparing apples with apples.

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2016 19:32

Nanny you'd be amazed at how well such things prepare young people for the real world, where sometimes you have to go out of your comfort zone. The earlier kids get used to the idea that it might be difficult but you can do it, the better.

Strangely enough, I never had any problems with that in my working life, but in school where I was pretty badly bullied, I would not have coped with it.

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 19:32

OP doesn't say they played in pairs. It says that they had to take turns in going up to another member of the class and saying I love you. That's how the game works. "In pairs" is different. "In pairs" is everyone doing it at the same time in twos. The teacher said they had to say it to a member of the opposite sex, yes, but not that they were doing it "in pairs". So John might say it to Susan, and if she laughed, John would pick another child (Elizabeth) and then if she didn't laugh, she might choose to say it to Robert.

People are going on about this like it's unique. It's as common in drama lessons as football is in PE.

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 19:34

So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex.

No "in pairs"

PumpkinPie9 · 22/08/2016 19:35

Did your son get on ok at school today op?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/08/2016 19:40

evil - ok, I don't follow why you're quibbling over me using 'in pairs' (I just meant 'two together') matters?

All I'm saying is, the OP is describing a situation where the teacher has instructed the children to find someone of the opposite sex to do this game with.

I'm saying, that seems inappropriate, and not a good version of this game, even if it is a totally familiar game to lots of people.

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 19:47

But to me "in pairs" is very different and is not how the game works! And you insisted that the OP had said they had been made to do this "in pairs" and she didn't Confused

The game is played by a whole class, all together. "in pairs" would be two children telling each other "I love you" which is vastly different. If you're going to insist that a classroom activity is "inappropriate", at least be clear what it is you're criticising.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/08/2016 19:49

Confused But why does it matter?

I'm not trying to comment on the fidelity of the description of a pedagogic exercise.

I'm just saying I think getting children to seek out the person to play this game with based on their sex, is a daft idea.

I don't see what difference it makes whether I use the term 'in pairs' (ie., two by two) or 'one with another' or whatever else I might have said.

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 19:59

You're getting the game wrong, that's all. It is a very different game to what you suggest. Children are not "in pairs" and they don't "seek each other out". You stand/sit in a circle. One child goes to another and says the phrase, whilst everyone else sits/stands and waits their turn. The idea is to keep a straight face. Why that particular phrase? Because it's tricky for kids to say it whilst keeping a straight face within the context of the game.

I would imagine the teacher in this case said to say it to a member of the opposite sex purely to avoid the inevitable "YOU'RE GAY" comments that some 10 year olds think is hilarious.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/08/2016 20:08

LittleBeautyBelle

The irony, you've played the game so many times, but it never translated into respect for others in online forums.

The irony is that you post this^^ after posting I would not want them teaching my children, not much respect there.

Also I have never played this game it doesn't come under my subject area.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/08/2016 20:09

Ok. Look. I am reading what the OP says and commenting on that.

I get that you and others know this game, or a version of it, and you're interested in the minor details of how it works. And I totally accept that's an interesting conversation - for you.

But it's not the point! The point is the game is organised according to sex. If the teacher really did that to avoid the 'inevitable' 'you're gay' comments, he fucked up badly, didn't he?

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/08/2016 20:12

LRDtheFeministDragon

we don't know why he did what he did, in the same way that as far as I can remember the OP has not mentioned that her child was embarrassed by the game.

The original point was lost somewhere up thread and has been changed several times.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/08/2016 20:13

boney, I know we don't know why he did what he did.

I was responding to another poster who was speculating.

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 20:17

This teacher organised the game according to sex. Unfortunately, the OP's DS is one who shouts out about being gay/not gay anyway so that's the issue. Not the game.

FWIW, if I had a yr 7 class (only one year older) in which someone shouted out what the OP's DS shouted, I would have sent him out too, then gone out at an appropriate point and talked about why it was the wrong thing to say beside bringing him back in. If he was crying and shaking by that point, he would be sent to the pastoral office to calm down.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/08/2016 20:19

Yes, evil. 'This' teacher.

That was my original point.

That 'this' teacher was doing something different from what, I assume, other posters like orly were describing.

I'm really confused why you think this is such a huge issue to nit-pick at me about? I can't see what's offensive about my post - it was a simple question to a previous poster, intended to suggest to her that her version of this game didn't include an element that may have been crucial in the OP's account.

It wasn't intended as a huge take-down of everyone who's ever taught drama.

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 20:25

Nothing offensive about your post. Just that it's up there with 100s of others shouting "inappropriate game!" "Ban the game!" "How dare teacher force children into pairs and make them declare their love for each other" The interpretation (incorrect) of this very common game by lots of posters, including you, makes it sound like something very different, and therefore the OP's original question "AIBU to be furious with this teacher" can't really be answered objectively. Most posters seem to think that the teacher is st fault for forcing the children to play an inappropriate game. Which he didn't.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/08/2016 20:28

But I do think it's an inappropriate game, and do agree with those other posters.

I'm sorry, for your sake, that there are a lot of us, but why on earth shouldn't there be?

Some of us do think it sounds batshit. And some of us, including me, don't really see why it matters whether you use the word 'pairs' or not. I get that it's important to you that you play this game a little differently from the teacher in the OP, and that you think the variations in ways people have understood the OP are significant.

It's just I ... don't.

EvilTwins · 22/08/2016 20:29

Why do you think the game is inappropriate? Genuine question.

Merrymumoftwo · 22/08/2016 20:35

I have to echo marco's comment can you only say I love you romantically?
I too say this to my children family members and close friends, am I wrong?
I was always raised to believe in different kinds of love so who is to say this game is about romance the descriptions so far suggests otherwise

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