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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to tell off my adult daughter?

83 replies

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 19/08/2016 20:40

I genuinely can't work out if I am being unreasonable or not. Do you tell off your adult children if they misbehave?

My dd did something really rude and ignorant the other day and I just can't work out whether I should tell her off about it. I didn't raise her to be rude and ignorant! On the other hand, she's not a kid anymore so am unsure whether to say anything.

WWYD?

OP posts:

passmethewineplease · 19/08/2016 20:41

I'm 26 and my mum still tells me off!

wonderingsoul · 19/08/2016 20:41

You can still tell her how you thought with out telling her off.

You cant geound her but you can say that your disapoimted she acted in such away.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 19/08/2016 20:42

Depends what it was

JenLindley · 19/08/2016 20:42

My mum still tells me off and I'm 30.

Missgraeme · 19/08/2016 20:44

My dd is 27 and in her mind she is still my child so yes I would still tell her off!! On her 26th bday she got presents from work a day early - she rang me on her lunch hour to ask me if she could open them early - I said no - so she didn't!! Ob wasnt being serious when I said it but she overly respects me still!!

Passmethecrisps · 19/08/2016 20:45

You aren't telling her off by saying that the way she behaved was poor.

Or maybe couch it in saying that you were surprised with her behaviour and was that usual/is she ok?

LaChatte · 19/08/2016 20:45

I love it when we have family gatherings and my 86 year old Gran gives my 63 year old mum a right bollocking.

isthistoonosy · 19/08/2016 20:46

You can tell her off but its now up to her if she listens

jacks11 · 19/08/2016 20:47

I think it depends on how you made your disapproval clear.

If you told her off like you would a child, I think YABU. If you spoke to her like an adult and said "I'm angry/upset/annoyed that you did/said xyz because I think it was ignorant and rude" then you would not be unreasonable.

My parents treat me like an adult and if they disagree or are annoyed with me about something then they talk to me about it like adults. I appreciate that and would not be very impressed if they scolded me like a child- I think it's about mutual respect. I guess different families have different set ups and maybe others wouldn't be bothered by it at all.

Original poster

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 19/08/2016 20:47

Right you lot have helped me decide.

Next time I see my dd she is gonna get a right ear bashing!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 19/08/2016 20:47

Of course you should tell her

chough · 19/08/2016 20:48

My mum grabs hold of my hand when we're waiting to cross the road, and says, "Wait, there's a car coming."
I am 52.

Vvlgari · 19/08/2016 20:48

I'm over 40 and my mum has told me off on occasion. She always uses my full name when she's cross with me.

Ilovetea82 · 19/08/2016 20:50

It depends on whether she was actually being 'ignorant' or not. I have been on the receiving end of similar telling offs from my mother as I posted some things on Facebook about something I believe in strong that has also been backed up strongly by science but I apparently only did it to wind her and her family up as they don't follow the same line of thinking.
So if it is something that is clearly not socially acceptable yanbu to perhaps have a word but if it is something a reasonable person is allowed an opinion on then you are.

maldini · 19/08/2016 20:51

I would be if my mum told me off as an adult, I wouldn't mind if she spoke to me about something but an 'ear bashing' would just annoy me. Depends what she did and what you intend to do about it, and maybe her age

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 19/08/2016 20:53

I got an absolute bollocking off my my dad last week for bad manners, I didn't thank the shop man and my 'tone was terse'.. he graseed me up to my mum too

JellyBelli · 19/08/2016 20:54

I would say something but as one adult to another.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 19/08/2016 20:55

I think you would be very u to tell your adult child off!

TheGruffaloMother · 19/08/2016 20:55

It depends on both what she did/said and what you mean by 'telling her off'.

mydietstartsmonday · 19/08/2016 20:58

I don't think you should give her an ear bashing but just say thought her actions were rude. Simple

exLtEveDallas · 19/08/2016 20:58

My dad gave me a right telling off for swearing at DH. Made me apologise to him as well

I was 41.

DoitotmeSheldon · 19/08/2016 21:00

My mum still tells me off and she holds my hand when we cross the road

I'm 42

mypropertea · 19/08/2016 21:03

It is ok to tell her off as long as she is allowed to tell you off in the same way if you upset/offend etc.

Tartsamazeballs · 19/08/2016 21:04

Depends what she did really- if it's a bad manners thing or if it's a difference of opinion thing.

I'd be inclined to leave it, wouldn't be impressed with my mum telling me off at that age. I'd probably tell her to mind her own.

SlinkyVagabond · 19/08/2016 21:05

My mum would tell me off well into my 50s. (Sometimes I'd even take notice of her. )

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