AIBU to tell off my adult daughter?

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

I genuinely can't work out if I am being unreasonable or not. Do you tell off your adult children if they misbehave?

My dd did something really rude and ignorant the other day and I just can't work out whether I should tell her off about it. I didn't raise her to be rude and ignorant! On the other hand, she's not a kid anymore so am unsure whether to say anything.

WWYD?

What did she do?

My mum absolutely would and does.
I am 47.
and she's always right dammit

I'm 36 and my mum still tells me off, as does my dad (but he lives in another country so not as often).

My mum also tells me I'm 'grounded' despite me not living with her for several years .

Would you say something to a friend or sibling if they did what your DD did? If you would then yes say something to her, but approach it in the same way as you would a with a friend or sibling, not as a parent.

My mum still tries to tell me what to do and it winds me up - if you can then use this as an opportunity to move your relationship closer to being adult equals.

"I love it when we have family gatherings and my 86 year old Gran gives my 63 year old mum a right blocking.' Oh this made me laugh, am not feeling so bad now after being forced to have stern words with both dc since 7am today and my throat actually hurts from HAVING TO PATIENTLY EXPLAIN and ask the dc to please do things for the 100th time.... On the upside my dm said she was impressed with how patient I was with them through their bickering and unreasonableness today. This was a welcome comment after dc2 declared she only loves me a small bit and daddy and granny best..... sorry derailing OP. in answer to your question, deeding on how strongly you feel, i would have to say something constructively critique her

I remember a few years ago my 83 year old grandma calling my 60 year old mum up and giving her a bollocking.

You can just give her your opinion on the matter. Tell her your disappointed in her behaviour etc.
My mum still gives off to me at 29 sometimes I listen...

I tell my dds off if they are in the wrong or if I think they are lol and they tell me off too if they think I am in the wrong . Its the sign of a good relationship I think to air our differences and make up afterwards

It seems I'm going against the grain here, but I think it is absolutely unreasonable to 'tell off' your adult daughter. I'd go a step further and say it would be just as disrespectful of you to do that as she potentially was when she was rude. Just have an adult conversation e.g. "I was surprised/ annoyed/ upset the other day when you said/ did x/y/z. I felt that you were very rude." How she chooses to respond to that is entirely up to her. You cannot control her.

chough that's really sweet!

My mum was making my nephews blow their noses by holding a tissue in her hand up to their nose and telling them to blow. Tissue number three was taken out of the box and she held the this up to my sister's nose. DS was about 38 at the time!

*oh and the 'patiently explaining' involved all manners of parenting ranging from the mythical playful parenting "whoopee let's make Almond water" when dc2 insisted on using gallons of my expensive new shower gel which I treated myself to yesterday to, "if you sleep now, you get to go pony riding and eat candy floss at the fair tomorrow" to "IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD (bedtime after 1.5 hours) YOU WILL NOT GO TO THE FAIR TOMORROW."

time for

I'm 25 and if my Mum told me off it'd probably end up dredging up past emotions and causing a shouting argument. We didn't get on well in my teen years- it's all well behind us now!!!

However, if she approached me and said she was concerned about the result of my behaviour (e.g. it had upset her / a sibling / a relative) I'd take heed.

My mum doesn't always get it right, and when she's cocked up I now approach her as an adult. I hope she'd give me the same respect!

No - my mum is much ruder than I am, it would unleash a trail of fury!

Yes, course I do - 25, 22 and 20. All a good six inches taller than me. I went through LABOUR for them, the least they can do is let me have my say occasionally. The only thing I don't do is criticise the oldests parenting. Not that there's anything major, just tiny things I'd do differently.

I told my mum off the other day for saying nasty things about dad. .

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe it depends on what she did, it depends on how clear your view of the incident was, it depends on what sort of relationship you want with your DD in the future.

My DM will often express shock and horror at me swearing. No doubt she will also make some PA comment about me being drunk at a family party a few weeks ago.

These are reasons why I keep contact with my DM down to a minimum

I would not dare to swear in front of my mother.

My mother will be 89 in a few days. It's not unusual for her to tell me off, if she thinks I deserve it.

Nowadays, though. she has absolutely no power over me. Her locus of control is so limited that her telling me off just makes me feel sorry for her. I try to take it well but, what is the point? I'm hardly going to change as a result of what she says. It even tugs at the strings of my heart.

Depends on what it is but generally I think when you're adults it's not for the parent to tell their adult child off. You can express your disagreement in the same way you would to a friend but you can't tell them what to do!

My 24yr old DS's friend, still grasses him up to me so I tell him off

Depends how old she is and what she did.

I feel a bit funny when telling my son off and he's only 19 so only just an adult.

My DM is a similar age to yours Finally and would still spend her dying breath trying to convert me WRT religion. I am more than totally fed up with it. It makes me not want to visit at all.
I never tell my DCs off but offer advice. So far there have been no real conflicts.

I will tell off DD (28) and DS (27), but usually fairly gently. They'd think there was something wrong if I didn''t. On the flip side, there are times when one of them come home for a meal or a few days for a bit of looking after, and it's good to be able to support them.

I tell mine when I think they have been out of order. They take it in good humour tbh just like I do when they tease me for being old/ forgetful etc.