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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand the parents jetting off on summer hols, but leaving their kids behind??

269 replies

ICoriander · 19/08/2016 15:24

I just really, really don't get it.

Just seen on fb some friends doing the obligatory airport pic before jetting off abroad, whilst their 2 kids (around 8 and 11) are sent off to grandparents for the week. The kids usually spend their whole summer holidays with family so the couple can work, but they always take a week away themselves during that time. I could maybe understand it if they were doing a family holiday abroad, then one on their own, but the kids don't ever go.

Obviously none of my business, but it makes me irrationally angry, as it seems so selfish. I have dc of similar ages, and would never take the opportunity to go on holiday with dh without them; we'd be lost!

Is it just me??

OP posts:
Razorlightnight · 19/08/2016 16:33

I can't see a week without the kids every so often as that big a deal. Might even be better, in some instances, to make sure you still get on with your partner as a couple for when the kids a) stop wanting to go on holiday and/or b) leave home. Would be crap to have nothing in common at that point.

NotYoda · 19/08/2016 16:33

I like my family and we've always had holidays together (ironically, I like them more now they are teens but they like holidays less), but we've always had trips (weekends, long weekends) on our own. The earliest when DC1 was teeny tiny. We did this because i was determined to make my primary relationship with my DH stay strong and so we could eat and sleep well and relax.
Luckily my mum and dad are very able and motivated to be with their grandchildren

A bit like the couple you describe, OP

some people may not have felt the need for that

some people might not have had the opportunity for that

NotYoda · 19/08/2016 16:35

Razor

It's a good point. Mine are getting to the age when the years ahead when the DCs aren't with us suddenly seem close. Even though we've been away without them, our last trip felt very important - a practice run for the future.

LunaLoveg00d · 19/08/2016 16:37

and for me a holiday without dc isn't what I want - loads of time for that when my nest is empty.

And that's absolutely fine. But what you're not doing is logging to MN to express how hideously awful parents are who go away without their kids, and that you love your kids SO MUCH that you'd be lost without them, and that parents who go away without their kids are dreadful people and obviously are shit parents. That's the difference.

Those of us who sometimes go away without kids do actually quite like our kids too. But having a long weekend in a European capital with long lunches and days spent wandering through the Old Town, mooching round quirky little shops, drinking coffee and looking at historic sites or museums isn't our kids' idea of fun. So we go alone, leave the kids with their granny where they have a far better time than they would with us and everyone's a winner.

Mommasoph30 · 19/08/2016 16:38

I have a main family holiday abroad and then if we can afford to go away seperatly with friends,. I wouldn't feel comfortable having a week abroad and then not taking the kids on a separate family holiday not really fair is it!

HeddaLettuce · 19/08/2016 16:38

I'm smug because I actually have a family I like and want to spend holidays with? Okay, I'm fine with being smug

So if parents have a holiday without their children they must dislike their family?
It's not just smug you are....

ohdearme1958 · 19/08/2016 16:39

I'd be lost as I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt of leaving them behind. My eldest dd saw the pic and was horrified that they were going away without their dc. She said she would be so sad if we ever did that to her. Maybe we've made a rod, but I'm glad she knows she'll never be dumped off whilst I go gallivanting.

That's a whole lot of bosom honking going on there OP.

And to be frank I suspect you probably had a big part in the comments made by your daughter. You were probably told what she knew you wanted to hear.

I think you should just mind your own business. It's absolutely no concern of yours how this family spend their holidays, and manage child minding throughout the year.

LunaLoveg00d · 19/08/2016 16:39

And you know what? Last time we went away for a long weekend we started the trip with a glass of champagne in the airport. I may have even taken a picture and posted on Facebook.

Shoot me now.

ohdearme1958 · 19/08/2016 16:44

if it meant they didn't get a chance too

Perhaps they did and decided they didn't want to go.

DerelictMyBalls · 19/08/2016 16:46

If I could afford it, and had someone we could leave DS with, I would totally do this. It's a significant wedding anniversary next year and I wish we could jet off somewhere romantic without DS! We don't drink, it's more about being able to laze around in bed for as long as we liked, and not have to worry about DS.

Judge away!

MistressMerryWeather · 19/08/2016 16:49

Why are people going on about long weekends?

The OP is talking about a week long holiday abroad that the children never get a chance to go on.

I didn't go abroad growing up because we couldn't afford it but if my parents went away every year and left me and my brothers behind I would have found them pretty selfish too.

harshbuttrue1980 · 19/08/2016 16:50

I don't have kids so may change my mind in the future, but I think it depends on how much time is spent with the kids overall. If one parent is at home, or only working part-time, then the kids get plenty of time with their parents and it wouldn't be a big deal having a week away. However, if both parents work long hours, then weekends and holidays should be mainly family time, or one partner going out while the other partner is with the kids. It also depends on the personality of the child - some kids cope better than others with being away from their parents. Some kids would be excited at going to their grandparent's, other kids would be miserable most of the time, missing their mum. If you bring kids into the world, then you do have to consider them in your choices.

pinkhousesarebest · 19/08/2016 16:50

I live in France and I see this all the time. A friend of my dc was left with Grandparents for two weeks while the parents skied and he had broken his ankle so couldn't accompany them. Another one went on a sailing holiday and left her four months old daughter behind for three weeks. We had a long, indulgent time before kids though and have never really felt the need to be without them. But then mine are young teens and time is running out and whatever we see, we want to see it together.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/08/2016 16:54

I like my family fine, OP. Even love them.

I can't bring myself to be that invested in what other people are doing because there's that inner voice that tells me that actually, I only know what they've posted and that's really not enough information for me to do anything other than nod.

I know women like you OP. They're not my friends because I wouldn't have them. They're the women I had in mind in my earlier post whereby I said that a) some people aren't fit to parent and b) they would do their kids a great service to go full time working and let somebody else look after their children. I remember the constant judgement of one, because I work full time and am not often home, it was 'Poor DH and poor children, she's never there. I'm always home for mine"...

Her husband was having an affair and left her. Her eldest two children live with him.

My husband and kids are just fine. If there was a problem with the current set up we'd change it but whilst it's not exactly orthodox, it works for us.

None of us knows what's around the corner but we all do the best for the people we love and I'm pretty sure that's the same for your 'friend' albeit she doesn't do things the way that you deem worthy.

You really have no reason to be smug, OP.

MistressMerryWeather · 19/08/2016 16:56

A bit harsh there, Lying.

hackmum · 19/08/2016 17:00

I don't know why people have children if they can't even be bothered to take them on holiday. What a strange and rather unpleasant bunch you are.

suit2845321oie · 19/08/2016 17:00

We've just been away with the children and in a month we are going away, as a couple, for 5 days, somewhere gorgeous, quiet and child free. We are going to sleep late, lie by the pool sightsee, have sex and not give out kids more than a momentary thought. We had a lovely time with them on holiday, it was wonderful family time but the thought of a few days away without endless games of UNO, connect 4 and rumikub plus audio books on a loop is somewhat appealing. The children don't feel neglected, in fact they don't give a monkey's and are quite looking forward to a break from their nagging parents. I imagine they will be fairly neglected staying with their grandparents who have a full agenda for them

ohdearme1958 · 19/08/2016 17:00

Oh the irony

I'm rather suspicious of this thread so I did an advanced search of the OP and it seems her children are registered for boarding school.

So it seems she really can be without them after all - for months at a time

Grin
I8toys · 19/08/2016 17:02

Not read all the thread. Its not for me - I want my kids with me when we go away.

I would do a weekend in this country but no longer as don't want the grandparents to look after them.

Mine are getting older and there will be a time they won't want to come with us.

readingrainbow · 19/08/2016 17:02

Older children - don't see the problem at all.

Small toddler or baby - not for me. I once left my 14 month old dd for 10 days and she really struggled while I was gone. :( Never again.

usual · 19/08/2016 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BennyTheBall · 19/08/2016 17:03

This would be complete torture to my children because a) my parents would do absolutely nothing fun with them & b) they love nothing more than our holidays.

But other grandparents are great fun and other kids probably don't mind.

It is really important to get time alone as a couple - we always have 2 or 3 weekends away per year.

Doggity · 19/08/2016 17:05

YANBU, you are clearly the best mum ever and they are a bit shit and selfish. :(

I mean, it's not as if some work places have slow periods hence why people take their holidays then. It's not as if those poor kids had a holiday already.

P.S. Lucky you for having so much TOIL. Many of us work beyond our paid hours just because that's what the job demands and we don't get TOIL Hmm

ftw · 19/08/2016 17:05

Jesus. This thread's harsh.

I totally agree with OP. It's one thing going on holiday because your DC are at GPs having the Swallows and Amazons summer most of you seem to be imagining, but it's another thing entirely to send them to GPs so you can go on holiday.

I only know one couple that's done it and I thought it was hideous then too.

And if you need a week on a beach to check you're still a couple, you're in trouble anyway.

Doggity · 19/08/2016 17:06

Is it me or are MNers get increasingly lazy at reading the threads?!

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