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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand the parents jetting off on summer hols, but leaving their kids behind??

269 replies

ICoriander · 19/08/2016 15:24

I just really, really don't get it.

Just seen on fb some friends doing the obligatory airport pic before jetting off abroad, whilst their 2 kids (around 8 and 11) are sent off to grandparents for the week. The kids usually spend their whole summer holidays with family so the couple can work, but they always take a week away themselves during that time. I could maybe understand it if they were doing a family holiday abroad, then one on their own, but the kids don't ever go.

Obviously none of my business, but it makes me irrationally angry, as it seems so selfish. I have dc of similar ages, and would never take the opportunity to go on holiday with dh without them; we'd be lost!

Is it just me??

OP posts:
MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 19/08/2016 15:56

It's a shame you only feel valid with your family at your side

Katiepoes · 19/08/2016 15:57

We are off to Poland for a week soon, my parents are coming to do childcare so school won't be an issue. They get to see their beloved PFB gandchild, she gets to spend a week eating sweeties for lunch and being worshipped and we get to go eat multi course dinners and drink too many cocktails after days spent admiring castles and galleries. I had a weekend away with friends in May, again child free.
Not a trace of guilt though, why should I?

On the other hand - daughter is five, we did the family holiday in July, we all had a great time, but now it's our turn. We had a holiday in February too, it's a rare restaurant visit that does not include her and there are many many days out and family events on my husband's side. I guess never going away with your kids is a little harsh, but it's up to each family - what works for them works.

Happyhippy45 · 19/08/2016 15:58

We used to go to my granny's for 6 weeks in the summer, 2 weeks at Easter, plus various holiday weekends. My mum stayed too for part of the time.....then went back home to be with my dad. Dad came rarely as he had to work. They didn't go anywhere themselves really. Maybe to dinner/drinks.
We had a fantastic time. It was great to escape the parents. Granny was close by to great aunt and uncle. We got to run wild and got spoilt rotten. This was in the 70s though.

MarcelineTheVampire · 19/08/2016 15:59

OP I think you are getting an unreasonably hard time. I am also a bit Hmmwhen I see parents jetting off and leaving their kids for weeks at a time. I completely understand the odd long weekend and such like but a full on holiday without their kids just seems excessive and unfair, on the people solely responsible for their children whilst they are abroad if nothing else.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/08/2016 15:59

I cannot abide this 'I love my children more than you do' attitude.

SapphireStrange · 19/08/2016 15:59

dumped off whilst I go gallivanting is a very emotive way to put it. I agree with the pp –unfriend her. Or stop judging her. One or the other.

Original poster
ICoriander · 19/08/2016 16:00

If you would be lost without the children on holiday, that says a lot about your relationship with dh.
Well it's lasted 20 years so far Hmm. I just think they're kids for such a short time... I work hard all year to build up TOIL to make sure I'm around for all of their school holidays. I wouldn't want to rely on others.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 19/08/2016 16:03

Marceline

Some people are lucky enough to have people who love having their children to stay - grandparents who live by the seaside, for instance. Of course that's open to exploitation but that's not what we're talking about here.

My mum and dad love having my teen sons to stay and it shows in their strong relationship

TheNaze73 · 19/08/2016 16:03

YABU. Whatever people choose to do is their business.

PopFizz · 19/08/2016 16:03

DP and I go gallivanting every year. We always have an amazing 3-7 nights somewhere, adult only, all inclusive. It's lush.

We also take the kids to a caravan site every year. Many family personal reasons why we dont go abroad with them.

We get judged. A bit less as we don't have children together, our children go to their other parent when we go, but I don't actually care. I work and parent bloody hard 51 other weeks of the year.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/08/2016 16:04

Lucky kids...

Vickyyyy · 19/08/2016 16:04

5moreminutes

Yeah that bit is a bit odd I think, but each to their own. Now ay would I be paying inflated holiday prices if I didn't have to. Hence why we go i9n March. Grandad takes them to school and picks them up for the week..which he also does not have a problem doing (we had an embarrassing situation where I offered him cash for the extra petrol he would be using, plus money for days out. I will never again offer this to him. he made me feel like a naughty child lol) as such our March holiday has been just under a grand for a week all inclusive. Same holiday during the school holidays is nearly 2.5k...

We pay the holiday prices for the family holiday though, but honestly, I still resent paying it a bit as I do think sometimes it takes the piss how expensive places are. For example before DD went to school and before DS was born we went to centre parcs mon-friday and it cost around 200 quid for a 6 person lodge. In the school holidays this is like 1.5k. Extortionate really. Damn supply and demand Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/08/2016 16:05

that was to OP's last self-congratulatory post.

meowli · 19/08/2016 16:06

Some of the responses on this thread are amazing! It's like everyone doesn't know that the majority of families holiday as a family the majority of the time. I can't think of anyone I know who has gone on holiday this year without their children. It is not commonplace! (except on MN, obviously).

I think it's good for your marriage to remember you're still a couple rather than just mum & dad.

But when you have children you stop being a couple and become a family. You don't have to lose your own identities, but it's an immutable fact that there aren't just two of you any more. It is not strange or odd to enjoy the company of your children on holiday. Smile

currentlyunavailable · 19/08/2016 16:06

YANBU, it's about balance.

I don't understand why people would only have a nice holiday as a couple but dump the kids with family. It's completely different if you take a week off together, but also spend at least a couple of weeks together as a family over the summer. No one is saying you cannot have time together as a couple, just that it's weird to completely refuse to have time as a family! If you both work full time, you really don't see them that much.

I don't understand people who leave their kids at nursery full time either. Childcare to allow you to work is one thing, a few days here and there during your annual leave whilst you go to dentist or paint your house, I can get, but pretty much never taking them off when you are at home is beyond me.

It's just very sad that parents don't want to spend time with their own kids, sometimes you wonder why they had them in the first place.

roundtable · 19/08/2016 16:07

MN is like parallel universe sometimes.

Saladfox · 19/08/2016 16:08

Some of this - looking at you, OP - reads like a competitive martyrdom festival. And some posters might also do well to try to unpick where these outpourings of guilt at being seen to do something pleasurable in which your child is not sharing are coming from...

(The only bit of the OP that baffles me is the reference to the 'obligatory airport pic' - what fresh hell is this? Photos of queues of men in ill-fitting beach shorts? Scarlet-faced people trying to cram their handluggage into one of those little airline size guide frames at the gate? Women getting frazzled because their underwired bras set off the security gate?)

MarcelineTheVampire · 19/08/2016 16:08

NewYoda oh I have plenty of willing people who would have my DD but IMO don't think it's fair to put that level of responsibility on someone else whilst they are so young. Obviously it is different when they are older but I have seen parents of children 3 months and less being left with grandparents whilst they go abroad for weeks on end.

At the end of the day, each to their own and I would never judge but I would never do it myself and I think the OP is getting a hard time is all.

SapphireStrange · 19/08/2016 16:08

you stop being a couple and become a family.

Is it not more true that, as well as being a couple, you have also become a family?

Original poster
ICoriander · 19/08/2016 16:08

Thanks Marceline Smile. Only to be expected in this place.

So I obviously am in the minority. I'll happily stay there.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 19/08/2016 16:09

Yanbu

Why should a family holiday together? Lots of families don't get on in a confined place for a week so why do it? It's not selfish to spend 49 weeks a year with your DC and have one eek off to enjoy adult time. For some couples it is really important time and can keep a family working well together the rest of the year.

Original poster
ICoriander · 19/08/2016 16:11

Saladfox, the obligatory airport pic is the selfie taken in the airport bar at 10am with the couple chinking glasses of wine/beer.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 19/08/2016 16:11

We had a gallivant for three nights this year. It was ace. Although we did talk about the kids a lot of the time, and went shopping to buy them things, and clock places it would be nice to take them in the future. To be fair though, the kids get to go on holidays to, with and without us, so I think it's fair enough. It would be a bit sad if they never got to travel, I think.

maddiemookins16mum · 19/08/2016 16:11

I left DD with her Granny two years ago when we went to Greece for a friends wedding. We went for a week and it was great. She was a bit miffed I think but we decided we needed some adult time and she would hardly be traumatised for life by our decision. As it turned out, Granny took her into London to see Matilda at the theatre, took her swimming far more than I do, let her stay up late and cooked her American pancakes with maple syrup for breakfast almost daily, she had a ball.

FestiveFran · 19/08/2016 16:11

Of course you don't stop being a couple when you have children! What an odd thing to say.