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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand the parents jetting off on summer hols, but leaving their kids behind??

269 replies

ICoriander · 19/08/2016 15:24

I just really, really don't get it.

Just seen on fb some friends doing the obligatory airport pic before jetting off abroad, whilst their 2 kids (around 8 and 11) are sent off to grandparents for the week. The kids usually spend their whole summer holidays with family so the couple can work, but they always take a week away themselves during that time. I could maybe understand it if they were doing a family holiday abroad, then one on their own, but the kids don't ever go.

Obviously none of my business, but it makes me irrationally angry, as it seems so selfish. I have dc of similar ages, and would never take the opportunity to go on holiday with dh without them; we'd be lost!

Is it just me??

OP posts:
BathshuaSpooner · 20/08/2016 02:59

Op, please come back and tell us all how much you miss your children whilst they are boarding!? I'm guessing that's when you take all your lovely "just me and the hubster"vacays? Grin

ftw · 20/08/2016 14:49

It's vital as an adult to spend time away from them.

Aw, precious.

Unless you're actually a family in crisis, no, it's not.

mrsmugoo · 20/08/2016 15:17

Whether or not it's "vital" to spend time away from your children is a matter of opinion but I would have thought it's pretty much a fact that it's beneficial to a relationship to spend time alone as a couple. How can it not be?

HeddaLettuce · 20/08/2016 15:23

Unless you're actually a family in crisis, no, it's not

WTF does that even mean? If someone else thinks its vital to their family, what the fuck does it have to do with you?

ZanyMobster · 20/08/2016 15:50

This has got to be a joke, I love having a week away with my friends each year, DH does the same. The kids are fine with it and they get a 2 week holiday with us at the minimum abroad as well although they would be happy with a caravan holiday TBH or even day trips etc. However I would feel lost if they were at boarding school but I would not judge someone who does send their DCs to one, as long as it's right for the family as a whole and everyone's happy then it's no one else's business.

A pp mentioned that a family only ever went away without their DC as they could afford 5* luxury on their own - meh, I would probably judge that though!

ChippyDucks · 20/08/2016 15:58

If I could talk someone into taking my dc for a week while we jetted off to the sun I'd bite their hand off! However not every year, and not at the expense of a holiday abroad for all of us.

ZanyMobster · 20/08/2016 16:00

I agree Chippy, unless it was very specific circumstances I would not do it at the detriment of a family holiday but I do love my week away in the sun with no kids (and no husband ha ha)

INeedANameChange · 20/08/2016 16:01

YABU.

We do this every year. We have a family holiday (aboard the last few years, UK this year - the kids choice) and we go away for a week as a couple. The kids are away with their grandparents so why not.

We're a blended family with our 4 kids living with us FT so have always had children since we met, so couple time, even when it's just a week, is pretty important to us.

I still have pissy friends judging me for it though. Oddly, the ones without kids....

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 20/08/2016 17:44

The OP's thread appears to be a not very original attempt at stealth boasting. I hope that the time she's spent judging this other couple - who probably wouldn't give two shits about the OP's disapproval - hasn't taken away valuable time from her children and Making Happy Memories...

ohdearme1958 · 20/08/2016 17:46

hasn't taken away valuable time from her children and Making Happy

What with them due to be starting boarding school imminently.

Statelychangers · 20/08/2016 18:01

Went away with dh this year - just the two of us, it was bliss....no guilt for us, dcs were on a school trip. I can totally see why people who have the opportunity to do it, grab it with both hands! Adult holidays are very relaxing!

NotYoda · 20/08/2016 18:02

No, one of them has been at boarding school for two years

I guess that's why family holidays are so precious to the OP

And maybe why she can't understand why people who don't have their kids at boarding school kind of like to be away from them sometimes

lanbro · 20/08/2016 18:06

Well my niece has offered to look after our dc next year so dh and I can go away...We'll be biting her hand off but we'll have a family holiday too

Batteriesallgone · 20/08/2016 18:15

What's confusing me is why they aren't doing it at a cheaper time of year.

My own fault for not RTFT though that's probably already been answered.

NotYoda · 20/08/2016 18:16

harshbuttrue

I don't agree with that - people send their kids to Boarding school for all sorts of reasons - sometimes it's because they are in the Forces, are lecturers or missionaries abroad, or because the child wants to go!

Not something I'd need or want to do.

But It does make me wonder about the OPs motivation for posting here - she's making judgments in just the same way people judge those who choose Boarding schools

NotYoda · 20/08/2016 18:16

Batteries

Yes, that is weird

user1467393664 · 20/08/2016 21:52

I judge people who go off on holidays minus their DC's particularly when they are young babies/children. ( can't comment on older children yet as I'm not there yet but imagine if they are given a choice and chose to stay home you just have to roll with it) often the people I know that do it don't bring them on any other family holiday. So they work all year, DC's in childcare or minded by GP full time and then bugger off on holiday without them while they stay with elderly grandparents that 1. Mind them all week while their in work 2. Don't do anything special with them like museum, beach trips nada just stay in the house and may get a trip to the shops HmmHardly fair.

A night or two away cool - whatever - we all need to recharge. but a full week or two without their DC's so what... They can get drunk, get a tan, go get DC the latest gear from carters? Gloriously boring in my eyes. They will only be kids once and you get at most 18 summers with them, why not build memories, have experiences as a family?

maninawomansworld01 · 20/08/2016 23:32

YANBU to not understand the desire of some parents to holiday without kids but YABU to judge.

We go away twice a year without kids, once for a summer holiday (usually 3 weeks) and 5 days to a week sometime in mid December. We're always done it, we enjoy it, the kids get a lovely time with grandparents.
Our kids are 3,3 and 15 weeks (so probably won't be able to do it this year) and taking them away is just sodding hard work. Rewarding, fun, satisfying but hard bloody work and we come home feeling like we need a holiday so that's exactly what we do.
We always take them somewhere in the UK, no more than a couple of hours away for a little family holiday but the main holiday abroad - that's adult time and we love it.

Don't give a stuff if others disapprove. When you're lying on a beach in the Maldives it's hard to give a stuff about anything really!

ThePinkOcelot · 21/08/2016 08:21

YANBU!! We have never been away without our dds. We even took them on honeymoon (shock horror). There is certainly not anything wrong with my relationship with DH either. Before we had kids we had loads of holidays just us, sometimes 4 times a year. Now we've had them we are a family and act as such!!
We seem to be in the minority though. I just don't see the need to palm my kids off on anyone else!

TotallySpies17 · 21/08/2016 08:40

I'm going away abroad twice next year- once with my whole family to a fabulous report and once with my best friend for a girly break. I work hard and my kids have a great life with lots of trips etc. I'd be gutted and furious if I though a fb 'friend' was judging me and my parenting on my girly holiday photos!

Philoslothy · 21/08/2016 08:41

Now we've had them we are a family and act as such!

Are you really saying that I am not acting as if I am part of a family because my DH and I go away on our own

TotallySpies17 · 21/08/2016 08:41

Resort*

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 21/08/2016 08:53

I honestly had no idea this was such a controversial thing to do. Everyone I know holidays without their DCs. I thought it was the norm. I don't mean they only go away without them, but it's certainly a 'done thing' where I'm from.

DP and I had a week away when DD was 3. It was our first holiday together. DD wasn't over the moon but she had fun with her cousins all the same and DP and I had a much needed, fantastic break. Then we didn't have another abroad holiday until DD was 6 when we went as a family. Our next one will be another family holidaya and after that DP and I will probably go alone again.

We've had countless UK breaks both as a family and just as a couple in between that time.

flumpybear · 21/08/2016 08:54

Don't see the problem .... In the holidays now we're taking our children to a holiday park for a week plus visiting friends and having days out. When they go back to school , me and husband are finally having a much needed break as a couple abroad whilst grandparents have them at our house for the week and take Them to school plus spend the weekend with them ... Can't see
The issue - grandparents get quality time, kids see
Their grandparents and me and husband get a proper break to recharge our batteries

Gowgirl · 21/08/2016 09:03

Because a holiday is not a holiday with small children, its just harder than being at home with your routines and back up.
I cant wait for my week away with dh, I'm a sahp so literally spend all day every day with them. I love my mum for coming and staying with them.
As they get older you do differant things with them, next week I will take ds 9 to the Notting hill carnival, dh will take the littluns to soft play as the carnival isn't sutible, I assume as they get older family holidays will become proper holidays again, but for now adult only holidays are the norm, children get long weekends in the UK self catering.

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