AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?

[kathybilbo]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I have just come back from what should have been an enjoyable meal and I can't stop crying about comments that a couple of people made about my 'manners'

We went for a small work meal, just a few of us, and we were having a nice time until one of the other people there said something like "we can tell who comes from a council estate" and nodded at me (I can't remember exactly what was said I was just shocked). One of the others, an older lady who I did think was friendly, laughed and said in a patronizing way "you're holding your knife the 'poor' way, dear." I had no idea what they meant, but then they said that I hold the knife like a pencil, not the 'correct' way, I can't even really describe it but I'm sure people can imagine. I completely lost my appetite and felt really embarrassed and humiliated. They have always been a bit pretentious and they like loudly proclaiming at work about articles they read in the telegraph or tv shows they watched on bbc4 but have never been personally insulting. When they were saying all this the waiter was around bringing some more drinks and even he nodded and laughed along, which I didn't think was that professional.

And at the end of the meal my colleague who had brought the whole thing up was running her thumb around her plate and licking it clean (licking her thumb and running it around).

I think I was in shock really for a bit and it didn't really register but now I've got home I can't stop crying and feeling really embarrassed. I have to go back into work tomorrow but I think I might just call in as I don't think I can face them again really. I almost think I will get self-concious every time i use a knife now, I think I will have to try using it the other way.

How to hold your knife is etiquette. Being considerate of and polite to others is manners - clearly your colleagues have no manners at all

This.

Please don't get upset. They are the bad mannered ones and bullies too.
Just ignore them- not worth anything else.

Manners are far more about making people feel comfortable and being pleasant than how you hold your knife. They sound like obnoxious twats tbh. Don't let them get to you.

Lokis. Insulting people as these idiots were doing is bad mannered not holding a knife the wrong way.
I think you've mistaken who's in the wrong here.

These people are ill-mannered.

The essence of good manners is to put people at their ease.

They are thinking about group identifiers, which are something quite different.

If it will make you feel better, you can get "Debrett's Modern Manners" from the library or online, and it will tell you lots of little tricks, many of which you may ignore, but it is entertaining. It is a simple little book.

They are the ones lacking in class, not you. Hope your head high and go to work tomorrow. I wouldn't go out again with them though X

Holding knife like a pencil = having the handle lying a-top of the squishy bit between thumb and first finger

"Correct" way = having the handle within the palm of your hand (so it is obscured by your hand)

Please don't cry OP - these people sound very tacky.

Really, no one with any class would actually comment on other people's table manners. They're trying too hard and coming off badly. Not a good look.

Don't cry. You can always learn to hold a knife "properly" but they will never learn how to treat people properly. Bullying assholes, the whole lot of them.

If they say we can tell who was brought up on a council estate, reply with and we can tell who was the class bully and walk away.

Completely agree that they sound like a bunch of twats. Also, who on earth notices how anyone uses a knife? (I will obviously be looking now). The most well-heeled person I know would never comment on how anyone used a knife (and I sincerely doubt cares!).

Please don't be upset about them - it's so not worth it.

I'd probably be tempted to be childish and constantly do odd things and say 'well this IS how we did it on the council estate!'

Thanks origami!

How nasty of them; pulling you up in front of an audience. Why should you change the way you hold your knife because they have commented?

That would be my last work social!

The best definition of 'manners' I have ever come across is that making other people feel at ease in your company is good manners. It is not about holding your knife in x way. I would be upset if I were you, but they are obviously not very nice people.

Twats.
Ignore ignore ignore.
And don't for a minute think you've done anything wrong. My DC was teased for holding 'cutlery like a snob'- some people are just twats. I was horrendously bullied by an in law and took great pleasure in knowing she'd never be able to catch me out on manners. Still didn't stop her being the most hideous cunt about everything else.
IT. DOESN'T. MATTER.

Sounds as though their class anxiety was showing. Please ignore their rudeness and unkindness. People the world over have different ways of holding knives and forks. Only a pathetic boor would comment.

for you.

Smacks of the hyacinth bucket to me daaarling.

I bet they stick their pinkies out when they drink as well.

Worry ye not. Those of us with real class couldn't give two hoots.

Making another person feel inferior or self conscious is the height of bad manners, bet it would never occur to you! The most important thing anyone can do is act with kindness towards others.

God, people are dicks. Pay them no mind.

I never heard of this until a few years ago. I think I hold the knife like a pen but also have the handle obscured. In fact, I'm not sure that I don't hold a pen like a knife.

Someone teased me at school because I sat up straight at the lunch table. Oh you sit like a laydee, ooooh.

Crikey, how bloody rude!

I wouldn't socialise with them ever again. They are clearly work colleagues not friends and I would treat them as such. Limit your contact. They have shown you who they really are.

Sounds like they need to learn a few manners themselves.

Thanks for all your messages. I start feeling better then a wave of humiliation hits me and I start crying again. One of my colleagues just posted to facebook that they had a great evening but 'we'll have to teach Kathy how to hold a knife before the next one :) :)!!' My heart just sank and I closed the page.

I am going to call in tomorrow, I just really can't go in. Not sure I'll be able to next week either.

Oh ....what now? Are these adults?

I never knew this until I worked with someone who made some snotty comment about it. I hold my knife 'correctly' -with the handle in the palm of my hand -but it is by chance.
Now I do know I have noticed a couple of people over the years who hold their knife like a pencil (one was an ex-boyfriend) - however I would never have made a comment about it and it hasn't change my opinion of them.
I would ignore them - be proud of who you are and where you come from....it sounds like you are all doing a similar role so you have obviously over come greater disadvantages (in their view) so doing 'better' than they are . And I would guess way too polite, more well mannered, than to try and feel superior by trying to make someone else feel inferior. Perhaps they feel intimidated by your relative success? You make them feel insecure.
I would go back tomorrow with your head held high - knowing you are the better person however you hold your knife.

No!

Do NOT avoid them!!

Hold your head high - if the knife thing ever comes up I think you should practice saying 'I may not know your way of holding a knife, but I can learn. You will always be a cunt'. Post that on FB!
How very dare they.

Do NOT give them the power to restrict your life.
Take control back by going to work, holding your head high, looking them straight in the eye. Don't shrink back.

I agree with everybody who said they are bullies.