AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?

[kathybilbo]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I have just come back from what should have been an enjoyable meal and I can't stop crying about comments that a couple of people made about my 'manners'

We went for a small work meal, just a few of us, and we were having a nice time until one of the other people there said something like "we can tell who comes from a council estate" and nodded at me (I can't remember exactly what was said I was just shocked). One of the others, an older lady who I did think was friendly, laughed and said in a patronizing way "you're holding your knife the 'poor' way, dear." I had no idea what they meant, but then they said that I hold the knife like a pencil, not the 'correct' way, I can't even really describe it but I'm sure people can imagine. I completely lost my appetite and felt really embarrassed and humiliated. They have always been a bit pretentious and they like loudly proclaiming at work about articles they read in the telegraph or tv shows they watched on bbc4 but have never been personally insulting. When they were saying all this the waiter was around bringing some more drinks and even he nodded and laughed along, which I didn't think was that professional.

And at the end of the meal my colleague who had brought the whole thing up was running her thumb around her plate and licking it clean (licking her thumb and running it around).

I think I was in shock really for a bit and it didn't really register but now I've got home I can't stop crying and feeling really embarrassed. I have to go back into work tomorrow but I think I might just call in as I don't think I can face them again really. I almost think I will get self-concious every time i use a knife now, I think I will have to try using it the other way.

What a bunch of total shitcunts ..no real advice just to say I was once made fun of because I hold my cutlery in the wrong hands ..Fork in my right and knife in my left..I was in highschool! This lot are pretentious, juvenile tosspots

I got taken out to dinner when I was 15 by my 'posh' boyfriends family. When they asked if I would like a pudding I said 'no thanks I'm full'. They all sniggered and Dad asked 'do you mean that you have had sufficient'? 'No I mean I'm full' I replied. They were rude and I was so proud that I stood up to them as a shy timid young girl.

I'm from a council house, and know how to hold cutlery.

You have more manners than that bunch of rude idiots. Doesn't matter how you hold the knife or what cutlery you use. It all goes in the same hole and out of another no matter what.

(Proudly brought up in a council house lol.)

These people may know the 'right' way to hold a knife but they have no class or manners whatever.

A story, apparently true. When the young Charles II was on the run after the battle of Worcester, he had to be hidden by all kinds of people, many none 'upper class'. At one meal, at a yeomans house in Worcestershire/Shropshire he had dinner with the people hiding him and one picked up his plate and drank from it. Some of the aristo fellow hidees who were with Charles looked on horrified.

Charles picked up his plate and drank from it too. That is class and manners, which is about making everyone feel comfortable, IMO.

Please don't worry about these ungracious and rude people.

I genuinely don't get this. I'm so sorry OP as
clearly they are pricks and YANBU. But what on earth is the correct way to hold a knife? And who are the people who look out for it? Genuinely I don't know

They bully you on a night out. Erm I think they're the ones with no manners.!!!!!.
You see that's the thing with snobs. Theyve got absolutely no people skills what so ever.
Take no notice of the horrible Cunts.
Xx

What disgusting people!
Don't dream of letting them keep you away from work.
They must be miserable creatures with absolutely nothing to talk about.

It is the HEIGHT of bad manners to make someone else feel uncomfortable (esp about their 'manners').

I was once given a lesson in how to hold my cutlery by a man - knob - before he would take me to dinner at his chosen 'posh' restaurant.
If I had been older or more confident I would have told him to stick it
(and no doubt he wouldn't have asked me as I couldn't have been Eliza to his Henry Higgins).

Hold your head high. You have more 'class' in your little finger than them.

They may hold their knives in the correct way but they have no manners, a definite case of 'glasshouses' too. Well-mannered people would make disparaging remarks about other people like that - They are contemptible or maybe even beneath contempt! Have some OP

And - as per pp. anyone with manners doesn't comment on how others are eating. Whether that's quantity, cutlery or style.

Cleaning your plate with your fingers is way more 'common' if we're grading these things, than holding your knife a certain way. And using council estate as an insult shows the type of people they are.

I'm genuinely wondering if I am unwittingly making a social faux pas every time I visit a restaurant.

What is the right and wrong way? Google is giving me nothing!

Sonic and Liney yy

.What acasualobserver said. Two separate issues here- holding a knife like a pen is much harder work (as you can't push down efficiently) so has become the non-etiquette way to do it - most dining etiquette is based in logic. But.... they sound foul. Rude ignorant bitchy people for jeering at you. Guess if they were that comfy themselves, they wouldn't feel the need to bang on about what they read/watch of course...sounds like they're using you to hide their own security. But basically bullying you via their own bad manners.

Don't give them the satisfaction of staying away.

I understand the humiliation you feel I would feel humiliated too if someone did that to me.

They obviously lack real class.

Stay strong.

What Greebosmum said. I wouldn't ever spend a moment outside work in their company again. I had table etiquette drilled into me at the age of 3 but that's all just convention. These people have no class and no manners. They are bullies and if any of them mention it again, you should tell them you're not prepared to be bullied. Chin up tomorrow, plenty of slap on and show you've got more real class than them!

There's an urban myth about the queen (or it may be Queen Victoria, I forget which) who was at a formal dinner sitting next to a foreign dignitary. The finger bowls came round and he drank from his. The guests sat mesmerised and horrified and the queen calmly took up her own finger bowl and drank from it, in order to ensure that her guest did not feel uncomfortable.

That's good manners. Those people you ate with, are savages.

Where the fuck do you work?! Council house and another one was using her thumb to wipe up the plate!

It's extremely UNclassy to point out someone's shortcomings in public and I'd say that's more indicative of a poor upbringing.

And by "poor" upbringing I mean "shit", not "council estate".

I was brought up to hold my knife and fork correctly but my parents didn't forget to teach me some fucking decorum when in polite company.

They were rude for making fun of you. However table manners are an essential thing to teach children. Use it as an opportunity to improve yours.

yeah right

Oh I see it also exists in different forms about George V and Charles II

Yes Basil! That's exactly my point! It's thoroughly bad manners to single someone out.

Correct way to hold a knife? 'poor' way? Give over, hold it how you feel comfortable & fuck any pretentious cunt that tells you otherwise.
People with true class would never feel the need to attempt to belittle a person in this way, they were the rude ones & you should ignore the ridiculous behaviour they displayed.