AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?

[kathybilbo]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I have just come back from what should have been an enjoyable meal and I can't stop crying about comments that a couple of people made about my 'manners'

We went for a small work meal, just a few of us, and we were having a nice time until one of the other people there said something like "we can tell who comes from a council estate" and nodded at me (I can't remember exactly what was said I was just shocked). One of the others, an older lady who I did think was friendly, laughed and said in a patronizing way "you're holding your knife the 'poor' way, dear." I had no idea what they meant, but then they said that I hold the knife like a pencil, not the 'correct' way, I can't even really describe it but I'm sure people can imagine. I completely lost my appetite and felt really embarrassed and humiliated. They have always been a bit pretentious and they like loudly proclaiming at work about articles they read in the telegraph or tv shows they watched on bbc4 but have never been personally insulting. When they were saying all this the waiter was around bringing some more drinks and even he nodded and laughed along, which I didn't think was that professional.

And at the end of the meal my colleague who had brought the whole thing up was running her thumb around her plate and licking it clean (licking her thumb and running it around).

I think I was in shock really for a bit and it didn't really register but now I've got home I can't stop crying and feeling really embarrassed. I have to go back into work tomorrow but I think I might just call in as I don't think I can face them again really. I almost think I will get self-concious every time i use a knife now, I think I will have to try using it the other way.

.... And hide all the bog roll.

They are scum. Put your head up and get angry. I expect they were drunk and their real, nasty personalities came out. Never socialise with them again and start planning your next career move, either to manage them or to work somewhere else.

Incidentally it's not pretentious to talk about stuff on bbc4 but I know what you mean, it sounds like they are showing off when they say it.

Learn how to use chopsticks, next meal insist on Chinese, insist on chopsticks for everyone.

Mock away.

That is incredibly rude of your colleagues. I can't imagine noticing how someone holds a knife, let alone commenting on it, and the reference to council houses is very snobbish and rude.
Are you supposed to put a finger on top of the knife or not? I say do whatever is most comfortable for you and stuff everyone else.
I didn't hold a spoon correctly until my DH educated me in my 20s. I still find it quite difficult.

There isn't a 'right' way to hold your knife and fork.
We all know someone who thinks that the trumped up code known as etiquette dictates the correct way to eat, but they are wrong.

Very poor form, it is the height of rudeness to point out someone else's poor table manners.

I will say though, that for every twat who actually says something, there will be a hundred more who quietly judge the table manners of others, mentally pigeon-hole the person as a result, but say nothing.

I think the world would be a better place if noone did this, but the reality is that most people do.

I try very, very hard not to, for all the very valid reasons of pp, but it is a real struggle to overcome that unspoken signalling. I seldom post on threads about table manners (or grammar/spelling) as I am in a minority on MN, but you are marking yourself out by using a non-standard method and potentially limiting your opportunities in life as a result.

It's a pity you didn't emit a loud belch when the bill came. Perhaps something to remember for next time?

I just had to google the correct way to hold cutlery, apparently there is a continental hold and an American hold. Who knew... YANBU OP. They were being arseholes.

Complain about the waiter, how rude. So sorry you had to deal with this O.P

IMHO it doesn't matter how you hold cutlery. It's cutlery. If you are not waving it around, or stabbing someone with it, it's fine. I do not hold my cutlery in the 'right' way. I was not brought up on a council estate. My family were quite wealthy farmers, not that it matters, in the slightest

kathy, they are the ones who should be feeling embarrassed and ashamed, for being so unkind and having no manners.
Hope you are able to rise above this and put it out of your mind.
Nasty people.

"Good manners is the art of making those easy with whom we converse. Whomsoever makes the least people uneasy is the best bred in the room." jonathan swift

Hold your head up high dear. They are the least well mannered people you know.

Very poor form, it is the height of rudeness to point out someone else's poor table manners

Holding your knife like a pencil may not be 'correct' but it is not poor manners. Poor manners is knowingly giving offence - which these people did.

Is there more than one way to hold a knife? don't let it bother you... They sound like a bunch of twats.

I can't picture how the OP holds a knife. How can you hold it like a pencil?!

I try very, very hard not to, for all the very valid reasons of pp, but it is a real struggle to overcome that unspoken signalling. I seldom post on threads about table manners (or grammar/spelling) as I am in a minority on MN, but you are marking yourself out by using a non-standard method and potentially limiting your opportunities in life as a result

A real struggle... Marking yourself out... Limiting your opportunities? If that's all you have to make your brain hurt then consider yourself fortunate.

Limiting your opportunities indeed... What for, tea with the twatting queen?

Can't say that I have ever noticed how anybody held their cutlery, provided they are not sticking it in my eye.
And what on earth does it have to do with 'manners'?

Swift is very very right there, Mummaaaaaah.

Can't say that I have ever noticed how anybody held their cutlery, provided they are not sticking it in my eye.
And what on earth does it have to do with 'manners'?

Swift is very very right there, Mummaaaaaah.

Oops, sorry

It does sound as if they were rude - but you also sound very anxious OP. You clearly make judgements yourself about people who watch bbc4 and read the telegraph - are you quite insecure?

I was dragged up from the gutter but ended up at a naice university, and I remember a friend's dad correcting my knife hold when I was a teen. I still eat 'left-handed' however, and it occasionally attracts comment. None of these things leave me in tears - I just shrug and acknowledge it - sure it's not 'correct' but who cares?

People who truly have class would never dream of commenting on how somebody else holds their cutlery. I used to work with someone who had a title (Lord) and he would never, ever have done such a thing.

Your colleagues are rude, jumped up, pretentious twats who would be looked upon with horror by anyone with a modicum of class and manners.

Please don't cry OP. You sound lovely. They are twats.

What appalling manners, and so ill-bred to make such a comment. I believe it was George V who, when noticing someone sniggering at a table guest who, unfamiliar with etiquette, drank from a finger bowl, picked up his own finger bowl and drank from it. As a previous poster commented, quoting Swift, good manners involve never making anyone feel uncomfortable.

I hold my knife and fork the left handed way despite being right handed, something that my FIL comments on every single time.
I can't say I've ever paid that much attention to how other people hold their cutlery, as long as you haven't got your face and hands in your plate like a toddler does it really matter?
Have a cry and a glass of wine but don't let them bully you away from your job x