AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?

[kathybilbo]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I have just come back from what should have been an enjoyable meal and I can't stop crying about comments that a couple of people made about my 'manners'

We went for a small work meal, just a few of us, and we were having a nice time until one of the other people there said something like "we can tell who comes from a council estate" and nodded at me (I can't remember exactly what was said I was just shocked). One of the others, an older lady who I did think was friendly, laughed and said in a patronizing way "you're holding your knife the 'poor' way, dear." I had no idea what they meant, but then they said that I hold the knife like a pencil, not the 'correct' way, I can't even really describe it but I'm sure people can imagine. I completely lost my appetite and felt really embarrassed and humiliated. They have always been a bit pretentious and they like loudly proclaiming at work about articles they read in the telegraph or tv shows they watched on bbc4 but have never been personally insulting. When they were saying all this the waiter was around bringing some more drinks and even he nodded and laughed along, which I didn't think was that professional.

And at the end of the meal my colleague who had brought the whole thing up was running her thumb around her plate and licking it clean (licking her thumb and running it around).

I think I was in shock really for a bit and it didn't really register but now I've got home I can't stop crying and feeling really embarrassed. I have to go back into work tomorrow but I think I might just call in as I don't think I can face them again really. I almost think I will get self-concious every time i use a knife now, I think I will have to try using it the other way.

I say napkin too and don't think it's old fashioned. Their behaviour was just nasty and bullying. It's the sort of thing you'd expect from 13 year old girls not adults.
It's disappointing no-one called the bully on her nastiness. I would be telling her to her face that she is a rude bully if she brought up the knife thing again.
I think it's quite parochial and small minded to expect everyone to eat the same way. Americans use their knives differently to folk in the UK. The idea of there being a "correct" way to hold cutlery is quite colonial and suggests they've never been abroad. If you aren't making a mess it's fine.

It wasn't drivel, it's a famous poem.

2 things
I'm from a council estate, I hold my knife the 'correct' way
Please tell me you didn't bloody phone in sick because of these knobbers?

OP, are you usually this precious? Do you have anxiety issues?

Otherwise I cannot see how you could be brought to tears by a silly comment overdinner with work colleagues... and then to go on to consider taking time off work, or even handing in your notice.

Completely OTT, IMO of course. Others obviously see this differently

That was a horrid post, PineappleChunkster. Were you being 'ironic'?

We've always said napkins too, and I still do. Maybe because I went to Prep School, but I think more likely because that's what my parents said. We say loo too.

Eats:
Fish knives are not used by those with true class. Think that is the point.
Nancy Mitford - in the 20th C - coined the expressions U and Non-U.

Delicate, I do enjoy Betjeman; used to know the girl the pony club poem was written about. She is lovely.

I have a title and I couldn't give a shit how anyone holds their cutlery. What I do give a shit about is being nice to people. That's what good manners is.

Delicate I thought Norman was the butler.

Memoires she must be getting on a bit now, as the poem is in a book copywrited 1958.My copy was 3s6d which has nothing to do with anything! (No notes in it either.)

Memoires:
Napkins is correct. Nothing to do with going to prep school. Lol

Yep. Agreed. Betjeman is so evocative of a time I never knew but still it resonates.

Serviettes are those paper things you get in fast food outlets, napkins are usually linen and used at home or naice restaurants. We use kitchen roll (classy I know) when eating foods like spare ribs.

Pineapple! Yes I did. It's interesting. Admit it.

Well thank you for all the kind messages but I didn't go in today. I'm looking for another job at the moment and did some applications this afternoon.

I wasn't being ironic at all it was awful. I got strain in my finger scrolling through the ruddy thing.

Of course you did OP.

Always best to keep things in proportion I find.

Your colleagues are utter scumbags OP. Hope you get another job soon. I wouldn't ever want to share an office or meal with anyone like that.

I did not go to prep school but was brought up to say napkins, loo, etc. so yes it's more to do with parents than school imo.

I always understood that 'manners' was about making other people feel comfortable. Your colleagues do not have manners.

That's because I accidentally posted it twice, Pineapple!

Nigellas:

Correct!

Napkins
Loo
Sitting room
Sofa
et al

They were incredibly rude and unpleasant.

Don't cry over it though. Cry over something important.