AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?

[kathybilbo]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I have just come back from what should have been an enjoyable meal and I can't stop crying about comments that a couple of people made about my 'manners'

We went for a small work meal, just a few of us, and we were having a nice time until one of the other people there said something like "we can tell who comes from a council estate" and nodded at me (I can't remember exactly what was said I was just shocked). One of the others, an older lady who I did think was friendly, laughed and said in a patronizing way "you're holding your knife the 'poor' way, dear." I had no idea what they meant, but then they said that I hold the knife like a pencil, not the 'correct' way, I can't even really describe it but I'm sure people can imagine. I completely lost my appetite and felt really embarrassed and humiliated. They have always been a bit pretentious and they like loudly proclaiming at work about articles they read in the telegraph or tv shows they watched on bbc4 but have never been personally insulting. When they were saying all this the waiter was around bringing some more drinks and even he nodded and laughed along, which I didn't think was that professional.

And at the end of the meal my colleague who had brought the whole thing up was running her thumb around her plate and licking it clean (licking her thumb and running it around).

I think I was in shock really for a bit and it didn't really register but now I've got home I can't stop crying and feeling really embarrassed. I have to go back into work tomorrow but I think I might just call in as I don't think I can face them again really. I almost think I will get self-concious every time i use a knife now, I think I will have to try using it the other way.

Gosh, don't resign without having another job to go to! Why would you put your financial security at risk because of these bullies?

Much as your colleagues are complete twats and behaved in a disgusting manner, you need to get over this. Go to work. Head held high. They are petty, nasty and vicious individuals.
You can do this. Their opinions are insignificant.
And screen shot FB post.

I don't give a flying fart how people hold their cutlery. I have bigger fish to fry than watch how people eat their dinner.
Pretentions wannabies can bog off as far as I am concerned.

Please don't let them upset you, they are bullies. They would be horrified if they saw how I hold my knife and fork - I tend to swap between hands!

I remember going out for a meal with my ex boyfriend and him pointing out to me (loudly and in the middle of the restaurant) that I held my knife and fork the wrong way. I didn't go out for a meal for ages afterwards, even after we split up. Luckily DH doesn't give a toss how I eat!

Hello Kathy

I feel so bad for you.

They were rude and behaved like spoilt ill-mannered children. They picked on you over something unimportant due to their insecurities.

Go in tomorrow, they are not worth it.....or maybe take a sick day(mental health day), and have fun!!

Why are people insinuating this is fake, can't someone even post about shitty colleagues without people calling troll?!

I'm from a council estate and have no idea I I hold my knife and fork right or wrong, you should have kicked your knife that would have sent them into meltdown!!

I think you should go into work and if they say anything tell them to stick a fork up their arse and then leave!

Ah well, at least you aren't overreacting or anything OP.

I used to work as a silver-service waitress. You could tell who was properly brought up as they didn't comment on other people's food or table manners . those who were really born into the upper classes were also obvious as those who paid no attention to what cutlery they were using and just assumed the right cutlery would be replaced between courses. Those worrying about what cutlery they or others were using were those who were trying too hard. Ignore them and take comfort in the fact that you are far too well brought up to deliberatly cause another distress.

I completely understand wanting to avoid these thoroughly unpleasant people. But I agree with PPs that the better option is to go back to work with your head held high. You have done nothing wrong, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

In other countries, people are surprised to see the British habits of using a fork upside down, piling a mixture of meat, potatoes, etc, on the back of the fork, and so on. For a non-Brit, these habits can look odd. But again, only someone with no manners would comment or raise an eyebrow or draw any conclusions other than "people handle cutlery differently and it means nothing."

Ah, the Facebook message.

Have you ever heard of Icarus, OP?

Supposedly the top one is "correct" and the second one down is holding the knife "pen style" but there's no obvious difference to me

YABU to cry. Don't cry. You are a nice normal person and they sound like complete and utter twats to be honest and bullies to boot. I would just be superficially polite from now on but have little else to do with them. I would meet any further comments with a expression and say 'wow, how ironic that you are commenting on my manners' and leave it at that.

Being middle class is not about how you hold your knife its about education. Its about maintaining a lifestyle through life long learning to better yourself in getting a well paid job. Its about thinking ahead you could be on top of the world one minute and about to lose it the next. Its about having that back up plan.

Its got nothing to do with how you hold your knife. You have time to listen to fools. What is your back up plan to better yourself. You will always be around pretentious people or competitive people. You have to learn how to handle your self around them and the best way to do it is not get to involved and do your job.

StormyTeaCup said it in a nut shell stand up for yourself you have to go to work and support yourself.

I'm so sorry they have made you feel so bad. You didn't do anything to deserve that, it was awful behaviour.
I went to a very naice boarding school so I know all about fancy etiquette and can pass the port appropriately, cut Stilton without embarrassment and all that sort of guff. None of it matters a bit. I know a few people who are "proper" posh. Earls and such, landed gentry since Moses was a lad, that sort of thing. Not one of them cares about how people hold their forks. They don't usually care much about their own status either, but are totally withering to anyone who behaves as your colleagues did.
Go to work. If they are smug and/or snide, tell them that you were offended by their crass behaviour, but otherwise just accept that not everyone can have class.

you have nothing to be ashamed of, they're the ones who should be ashamed.

I'm confused as to which way is right? Well not right but the opposite to the way the op was holding it

My mum was very hot on etiquette and so I hold my knife the 'correct' way as do my children. However over the years I have noticed that that sort of knife use is random. Some very posh/educated people hold their knife like a pencil, other less 'naice' people do it my way. It seems to be one of those arbitrary rules created to make the less confident middle classes feel superior.

The true test of manners is making other people feel comfortable and so from that standpoint your colleagues are oafs. I wish you could summon up the courage to call them on it. Even if you can't do that, just bear in mind that making you look small won't make them look big.

I don't know if it is true or not, but I have heard that if the Queen is entertaining shy or nervous guests she will deliberately spill something or knock a glass over to help them relax. That is true good manners!

I grew up on one of the grottiest council estates in the north of England.
I went to a crap school as well - but I wouldn't dream of commenting on how a friend was holding their cutlery.
How fucking rude of them to seize on a ridiculous excuse to belittle you.
Dickheads :)
Anyway, you sound lovely and you cried because they upset you. They sound like horrors to be honest.

I think you should screenshot that message and show it to HR. What a load of ill-mannered insufferable snobs.

I was also caught out this way. I'm from a council estate and use a fork like a shovel and hold the utensils the wrong way round. So over it.

That was horrible, youpoor thing. Their manners are atrocious, and to the post on fb, well, words fail me.

Don't leave work because of this, please; it's really not worth it, and jobs can be hard to find.

If anything more comes of it, I would report them. They are really nasty.

I just saw the diagram posted above, I hold mine 'on the rugged side'. Meh, who gives a fuck, tell them to piss off and state how obviously you were brought up with manners instead of being shown the 'right way' to hold a knife! Really though, what utter losers pointing that out...

OP i dont even use a knife. I cut my food up and then put the knife down.

When i first came to this country, a nun at school took my right hand and held the knife in it, took the left hand with the fork and proceeded to cut up the food and made me eat the whole meal, in front of the whole school, the 'proper' way. The whole meal, with my hands being held by hers.

I can use my cutlery 'correctly' but i flatly refuse to do so in honour of the cow. Just to remind myself how nasty people can be.