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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that she needs to realise how easy she has it compared to some other people

159 replies

Sophie0 · 14/08/2016 14:58

A friend of mine is a "single" parent to three children. She lives in a council house and her ex partner has his own place five minutes away. They've been separated for around two years now and in that time her ex has continued to come and go from her house on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day. He has the majority of his meals there, does diy, watches sky sports, etc and they continue to go on holiday and on days out together.

I realise that what ever they decide to do is their business and that would be all good and well if my friend didn't spend all of her time ranting on about how hard life is as a single parent. Every time I see her it's the same old thing, how tough it is doing it all on her own, how she has no money, how she never gets out of the house. When in reality she gets out of the house every weekend to go out socialising with friends as the children's dad takes them from Friday dinner time until Sunday lunch time. He also comes and minds the children at her house during the week so that she can go to the gym and out with friends. Oh and pays her a very generous amount of child maintenance that doesn't get counted towards her benefits.

I am sick to death of hearing her especially since she has a very easy life, but also because I have another very close friend who is a genuine single parent and she is really struggling. Her husband of 15 years upped and left her and her two children last year and he hasn't been heard from or seen since. He cleared out their joint bank account, left her with nothing and she ended up having their house repressed as she couldn't afford to keep up the mortgage payments, even though she was working. She is on the bones of her backside, has no family support, her friends (other than me and one other person) have deserted her as she can't afford to go out and see them regularly and in general she is feeling really low. The thing is all three of us are friends and visit each other's houses and my friend who in my opinion has it easy is not only annoying me but she's getting to our other mutual friend. No wonder really, she's sick of hearing her go on and on about how hard she has it when she herself has absolutely zero input from her children's father, no help from family, no Csa etc. We are both now distancing our selves from her as she's becoming impossible to be around. AIBU to want to do this?

OP posts:
MangoMoon · 14/08/2016 19:57

Reported her for to all intents and purposes being still in a mutually supportive relationship with the father - irrespective of whether or not they are sleeping together.

You absolutely can - but if you are, and share a lot of the stuff that a couple share - you will not be seen as "single" for benefits purposes.

Coz it's all about the benefits innit?!

Not at all surprised to read this sort of shit tbh, and I do think this is what truly has the OP pissed off about the whole thing.

So, Luna, to clarify:

If you live apart, have no sexual contact, maintain separate homes, do not share financial income/outgoings but are friends with the father of your children, then you should be classed as 'part of a couple' for benefits purposes??

By that rationale, if any single parent has a friend (of either sex) who visits regularly, goes on days out or shared holidays with single parent & kids, maybe helps out with some DIY etc or eats with them occasionally, then they should be classed as a couple Confused

Gosh!

veryproudvolleyballmum · 14/08/2016 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

veryproudvolleyballmum · 14/08/2016 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MangoMoon · 14/08/2016 20:03

I appear to be polygamous also volleyballmum - and a nasty benefits cheat to boot!

I shall turn myself in to the authorities post haste ShockGrin

cannotlogin · 14/08/2016 20:09

Who knew competitive lone parenting was even a 'thing'?!

Only on MN, eh?! But it really is, even in the real world. I am a lone parent - probably better off financially than most in similar positions. I still very much feel angry and upset and frustrated and over-whelmed by many aspects of my life. Seems that's not allowed...

2016Blyton · 14/08/2016 20:13

I have my children 365 nights a year and call myself a single single parent. There is a big difference between those where the father has the children half the time or a third and those who never have a night off.

It seems pretty clear lover boy here is ilkely to be having sex with his ex and they should both be shopped to benefits people to relieve tax payers of the burdens. Mind you the friend might work full time and earn £200k a year for all we know.

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 20:44

So, NOW...I think I might be in a relatinship with my neighbour Confused
we hang out a lot in each others houses after school run and we help each other out with the kids, often they stay for dinner….
…… should I tell DH/the benefits people?

duffbeergoggles · 14/08/2016 21:26

Goodness, how many times are you going to post the same old shit threads OP Hmm

LaurieMarlow · 14/08/2016 21:35

I'm not sure what you want from this thread OP Hmm.

Some people struggle with their lives, even if on the face of it it looks fairly rosy.

Appearances often belie reality.

Some people just like a good moan. Nothing necessarily wrong with that.

I've no idea what category your friend falls into and by all means distance yourself from her if the friendship isn't working for you.

But do you really need the Internet to tell you that? or was the real point to get in some benefit bashing

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