To think it's not just me who doesn't like being stared at while partially dressed?

[lifeofsiam]

Dh and I were in what is supposed to be an over-14's only sauna/spa bath area.

A boy who looked significantly younger (about 12) sat on the edge of the jacuzzi steps staring at us the entire time. His mother and elder sibling stayed in the steam room, leaving him outside.

In the changing rooms, I spoke politely to the mother, saying she may not have seen the sign saying it is over -14's only, and also her son had stared at us the entire time, making us feel uncomfortable.

She became angry with me, said the boy was almost 14 and autistic- which is why he was staring.

Ok, we weren't to know that, and she was clearly very stressed.

She then muttered 'there's always one.'

I asked 'always one what ?'

'Always one who is uncomfortable being stared at.'

I didn't respond- I didn't want to argue with or antagonise another mother with a disabled child - but afterwards I thought how it's not just me who would feel uncomfortable and a lot of people, especially women and teenage girls wouldn't feel comfortable in those circumstances, either? And that I'm not 'only one' in that case?

Lots of people with ASD stare but in reality they arnt even seeing you.

That's what I do.

I will often wander off and start daydreaming and it looks like I'm staring at people when I don't even realise I'm doing it

I don't think it's unreasonable to feel uncomfortable being stared at in a spa.

I don't think it's unreasonable to point this out politely to the boy's mother if he is too young to be there and behaving innapropriately.

I do think it's unreasonable if you are given the explanation that the child is autistic that you don't give an understanding smile, and apologise for complaining.

I do think it's unreasonable of the mother to make sarcastic comments. It doesn't help any situation, but is very understandable considering the day in day out shite she must live with. It's reasonable to make allowances for this.

Unreasonable not to use a bit of common sense and realise this isn't 'normal' behaviour and therefore the child may have a hidden disability which accounts for his behaviour, then forget him. After all, the other people there managed to do it.

Massively unreasonable to post it on MN Aibu. Let's wind up a few more mums who's lives are difficult enough

And yes people notice that I'm "staring" at them.

People sometimes comment on it and I'm aware that I must make people feel uncomfortable but I don't realise I'm doing it

Perhaps I should wear a t-shirt with the 'R' word written on it so people know why I'm staring? post edited by MNHQ

Or just to explain any of my weird antics?

toad are you the one I've speak to before about the sensory disorder?

It depends really Navy.

I've had people I know gently point out to me that I'm staring at them which I am grateful for.

I have also had people I know tell me in a not so nice way - that I'm being creepy, weird and pervy

When strangers comment it tends not to be very nice. A few weeks ago I was on the bus and I kind of drifted away into one of my daydreams. After a while I notice that there was a group of people nudging each other, looking at me and laughing. I then realised that I must have been staring at them the whole time. The group then commented loudly for the rest of the journey about how they had an audience, I must fancy them, etc.

I knew they were making fun of me though. I'm not stupid.

toad are you the one I've speak to before about the sensory disorder?

Maybe.

I've spoken to quite a few people on here about it though, so probably.

If I'm making you feel uncomfortable with my staring then just tell me nicely that I'm doing it and to stop.

I won't mind as long as you tell me nicely

Yeah I think it was :) how are you doing?

Also the thread title doesn't really match the thread.

Evening folks.. Just wanted to let you know we have edited a post further up the thread that used the word 'rard'. Toads - we know you absolutely didn't mean to offend anyone but it is one of those (very few) words that really upsets a lot of people understandably, so we tend to just delete it. We've edited in this case in order that your whole post wasn't lost. Sorry to mess with your stuff! As you all were.

Was my post at 19:58 edited?

Pretty sure I actually typed out the word rather than writing the r word.

Sorry if I offended anyone.

Never mind, x post

I actually thought my post would be deleted after I posted it.

It's nice that it was just edited instead.

Yanbu, as a mother of a severely autistic son it annoys me so much people using it as an excuse.
It can be a reason for his behaviour but I think the mum was in the wrong for leaving him on his own in that situation. She could of explained it better too instead of using it as a get out trying to make you feel bad.
You didn't know he was autistic so couldn't/shouldn't of had sympathy for what was some random kid staring at you.

You sound lovely Toad

Usually I just get called argumentative.

Umbongo so so.

You?