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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my mil at the birth and pick my dad over her?

544 replies

dfelix990 · 14/08/2016 11:45

hi all so basically my mum is no longer with me she passed away when i was 11 so i became extremely close to my dad who acted as my mum and dad.

im not that close to mil i mean i do like her but we arent that close, but she recently spoke to me about being at the birth and that as my mum isnt around she assumes shell be there. i said that im really sorry but i want my dad there, she started saying that was bizarre and she should have been the second choice as she is the 2nd grandmother. dh seems to think she has a point about being the 2nd grandmother.

aibu to have my dad there over her?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
YouMakeMyDreams · 16/08/2016 12:20

Congratulations. That is such a wonderful picture. My dad was the first after me to hold dd when she was born. I'm the youngest sibling by a lot and he welled up when I handed her to him. Told him that was his baby's baby. He said yes I just realised that. Smile
So glad you had your dad there in the end.

TheDayIBroke · 16/08/2016 12:21

That picture brought a tear to my eye, it's says everything about your dad and his love for you and his grandson. He is a lovely man!

Your DH's behaviour, on the other hand, leaves a LOT to be desired and says a great deal about him. You need to give him a kick up the backside - that'll provide your MIL with some "action".

Flowers Congratulations OP and a big welcome to Matthew.Flowers

HouseworkIsASin10 · 16/08/2016 12:36

That pic is gorgeous, congratulations!! So glad your dad was there for the birth.
MIL is a selfish bitch keeping her son away, she should have told him to get back in the room with you. Watch her in future and if your DH doesn't step up to the plate then you may have a decision to make.
At least for now enjoy your gorgeous boy Flowers

HeCantBeSerious · 16/08/2016 12:48

Thinking about it. You say this has been an issue since you got pregnant. I wonder whether he's realised your attention is going to be elsewhere so he's (subconsciously?) migrated back towards his mother, who will lavish him with the attention he feels he deserves.......

rollonthesummer · 16/08/2016 12:52

Your DH missed the birth of his first child because he was with his mother?!

Can you explain exactly how this happened-I'm so shocked at her behaviour/attitude?!! Think you need to watch her carefully.

HandbagCrab · 16/08/2016 13:38

Congratulations op!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 16/08/2016 13:45

OP that picture is just......beautiful. So is your son.

tbh you don't really need to hear right now what I think of your DH but remember MN is always here if you have to make tough decisions in the future.

DoinItFine · 16/08/2016 13:46

Awww, congratulations on the birth of Matthew Flowers

Delighted for you that the birth seems to have been straightforward and mostly as you wanted it. :)

Thank goodness you have one man in your life you can rely on. Your Dad sounds like a star.

justlliloleme · 16/08/2016 14:19

You do exactly what you want, it's you going through it & you have the people who offer the support you need.
My ex MIL told my ex 'to pick her up before he goes to the hospital'. My response if she's even in the hospital when I'm giving birth, never mind the delivery room I'll flip. It just felt like it would be too much pressure having everyone say at the hospital waiting.
I haven't seen my mum since I was 18 months old so she wasn't there I had my best friend of 20 years with me who was invaluable & my ex (who was good but ended up being totally useless at everything else 😂😂😂)

CiderwithBuda · 16/08/2016 14:30

Congratulations! Fab name. My baby Matthew is now a head taller than me.

I'm glad you were able to have your dad there. Especially as your DP disappeared! He will regret it in the future but maybe can't admit it just yet.

amusedbush · 16/08/2016 14:35

He left to hang out with his mother??

GrouchyKiwi · 16/08/2016 15:41

Congratulations, OP. What a beautiful photo.

MissingPanda · 16/08/2016 15:50

Firstly congratulations OP on the birth of your son Flowers and I'm so glad that you got to have your dad there and he was so supportive of you when you needed him. That picture will be much treasured in years to come.

I'm sorry that in direct contrast your P (I refuse to use the D) let you down so badly and prioritised pandering to his mother's tantrum over supporting you when you needed him. I'm appalled at his attitude over him missing the birth of your child and fear it may be an indicator of things to come.

At the moment you probably won't feel up to it but when you do (and please try not to leave it too long) you need a serious conversation with your P. Point out to him that he let you down when you really needed him in order to pander to his mother and her drama queen antics. You do need to make it clear to him that you are the mother of his child and he needs to prioritise you and your (your and his) child over his mother. I could be wrong and I sincerely hope I am but I do fear that he'll take his mummy's side over things to do with your son in future and that needs to be nipped in the bud if necessery.

user1467393664 · 16/08/2016 15:53

Have whoever you want there to support you. It's not a spectators sport that people can just rock up to Hmm

As for your DP ask him if he would like to invite your MIL & DF around for dinner but not wear any clothes for it and also do a big poo about the size of a small melon just before dessert is served with everyone watching. Sorry graphic I know but a similar situation. Honestly "she has a point" jog on.

As others have said I'd pre warn the hospital staff so she doesn't just show up and also think about how soon after you want to see her after the birth. I'd imagine she'll be eager (rightly so a new baby in the family is amazing) but try not let her overshadow the first few hours of bonding.

Amythest001 · 16/08/2016 15:57

Congratulation! Your dad is fab xx

HeCantBeSerious · 16/08/2016 15:59

The baby has already arrived, user. OP's partner missed the birth because he was pandering to his mother outside. Good job OP had her dad there with her. Wink

MrsBrent · 16/08/2016 16:10

Your picture made me well up.
Congratulations

I was reading down thinking you can have whoever you want, if that's your dad, that's your dad. Your clearly close, you want someone who will support you whoever that may be.
And it's a good job he was there since your dh thought supporting his mum was preferable.

Congratulations again

MiscellaneousAssortment · 16/08/2016 16:53

That's a very beautiful photo. Xxx

Fishface77 · 16/08/2016 17:05

Congrats op! Your dad is a legend and you and Matthew are lucky to have him.

However, it's early days, but it's not too late to LTB.

Ed1tY0urPr0f1le · 16/08/2016 18:32

Oh wow! I hadn't realised the birth was so imminent!

Congratulations to you and welcome to the world, little Matthew Grin What a lovely Grandad he has there, I bet they will have a really special relationship.

Your mil sounds like a piece of work though - I do hope you are able to ignore her craziness (honestly, who puts their own attention seeking needs ahead of a labouring woman?!) and just enjoy those precious newborn cuddles.

MermaidVsSailor · 16/08/2016 18:51

Congratulations OP! That picture speaks a thousand words, your dad looks so proud and full of love.
Best of luck with your MIL...

Blu · 16/08/2016 18:54

Dfelix, he is so gorgeous. What a lovely baby.

coconutpie · 16/08/2016 19:01

Congrats on your beautiful baby!! As for MIL ... What a fucking bitch. And as for your DH, fucking hell - he missed the birth of his son to pander to her strop and he doesn't think it's a big deal? WTF is wrong with him? What a fucking idiot - sorry for the swearing but bloody hell, I'm furious on your behalf! What a total knob end. And your dad is truly wonderful. Gorgeous photo.

HermioneWeasley · 16/08/2016 19:14

Love the photo, congratulations on Matthew!

take him home and leave H at the hospital? What a massive twat he is

HarryPottersMagicWand · 16/08/2016 20:33

What an amazing photo.

I thought your DH would be mortified he missed the birth! Not not bothered about it. What a twat. You are going to have problems there, he will want everything equal between your dad and MIL. I'd send him back to her for a while if not permanently.

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