to not want my mil at the birth and pick my dad over her?

[dfelix990]

hi all so basically my mum is no longer with me she passed away when i was 11 so i became extremely close to my dad who acted as my mum and dad.

im not that close to mil i mean i do like her but we arent that close, but she recently spoke to me about being at the birth and that as my mum isnt around she assumes shell be there. i said that im really sorry but i want my dad there, she started saying that was bizarre and she should have been the second choice as she is the 2nd grandmother. dh seems to think she has a point about being the 2nd grandmother.

aibu to have my dad there over her?

Oh update! Op congratulations!

Let this be a lesson to dh as he has behaved very badly.

Everyone to their own but would have been.mortified if my dad saw me giving birth. My MIL would not be allowed as certainly would not feel comfortable. ....yuk. In my opinion, the partner is the only choice. Invite others in when all the gore is removed and your bits and pieces are covered up Lol !

Nothing wrong with wanting your dad there if that's want you want and need. I am very close to my dad too and if he was my only parent then I would chose him above anyone else. It's what you want and need x

Congratulations, OP and congratulations to your wonderful Dad too!

Everyone to their own but would have been.mortified if my dad saw me giving birth. My MIL would not be allowed as certainly would not feel comfortable. ....yuk. In my opinion, the partner is the only choice. Invite others in when all the gore is removed and your bits and pieces are covered up Lol

Do you think so dora38? Would you really want a partner like the OP's who left her to make a fuss of his mum in the car park rather than stay and support the OP when their son was born. My personal opinion is that I would never, ever forgive my partner for chosing his mum over his partner and son and missing the most magical moment anyone can experience. Thank God for the OPs Dad who has supported her through her whole life, been both parents to her, held her hand during labour and was the ONLY ONE to be there for his daughter and to witness the birth of his grandson.

OP, your wonderful Dad and wonderful baby Matthew will always share an extra special bond now. Many congratulations once again.

Congratulations OP
I love the name Matthew, and I'm glad you got to have your dad by your side

My MIL was making noises about being there for our DD's birth because her other DIL let her

Our solution? We didn't call her til DD was born!

Well Dora , if the summation of your argument is "yuk" , good job the OP didn't share your opinion, as she would have possibility ended up giving birth without anyone there but the midwife.

OP, your wonderful Dad and wonderful baby Matthew will always share an extra special bond now.. That's an excellent, lovely point Leopard.

OP, I hope your DH wakes up and sees what has happened, otherwise i think you might have a tricky time ahead with your MIL. And you might need to keep a watch out that battle lines aren't starting to be drawn between MIL/DH and your Dad. Don't let a competition start over Matthew.

Congratulations! Wonderful name (it's my dh's )
Good job you had your dad there but why on earth didn't your dh turn his phone off then she couldn't pester him. Anyway I digress, I hope that this is the end of the drama for you op and that they both realise that they royally fucked up.

Congrats OP - your dad is a

Am I the only person who wants to hear how the DH ate humble humble pie and shouted at MIL for making him miss the birth?

I just had dh at both births, was fine for second one, as was reasonably prompt, but first one was very long and having someone else I trusted even if just to hang around to get drinks for dh etc would have been useful. I wish I'd pushed for my mum to be there, as I know I could ask anything and she would have done it, I don't have that sort of relationship with my in laws, so it wouldn't have been good to have them there.

I only had my dh at my daughter's birth, didn't even consider anyone else. One of my sister's had my mum had one of her births, but it's not a spectator sport. Obviously, each to their own, but I didn't want anyone other than DH.

I had my first baby at 17, so I guess I probably fall into the "young" category, I had my mum there and my OH, my dad and MIL were in the waiting room, I reall regret it having my dad come in and be with me a while as we're close, it's something I've always had a small pang of regret for.
Good luck for you, the thing about birthing and labour is that anything goes really, whatever you need to do to feel happy and relaxed :-) xxx

She's had the baby, Linds

thank you all so much! matthew is doing very well, he is so scrummy.

DH doesnt seem that bothered, unfortunately, I have tried telling him how awful it is to miss your own son's birth to go and update your mum in the carpark, but he seems to think it isnt the end of the world... sigh. he's just glad we're all happy

oh well, i have my little baby boy and hopefully a husband who'll soon pluck his ideas up.

look forward to many mil threads in the future

He doesn't see it as a big deal?!

You enjoy these precious moments with your son and keep your lovely dad close- you'll need him with that husband and MIL of yours

he seems to think it isnt the end of the world... sigh. he's just glad we're all happy

.... he must mean he's glad MiL is happy and happy with him because you're obviously not? As far as he's concerned it was fine for his wife and the mother of his child to labour alone, the highest priority was that mummy didn't kick off at him?

Seriously?

If that's the case then this is the point I'd hand him back to his mother I'm afraid, she's messed him up too badly to be husband or father material.

I only had my dh. He knew I wouldn't want his Mum there! Childbirth is a messy business. If you're Dad is happy to support you then go with that. Mine would have been far too embarrassed!

Be aware too that many women with this 'failure to detach' thing with their sons then see grandchildren as an extension of their own child and therefore automatically theirs. You're going to need strong boundaries from the start.

My MIL came to the hospital to collect my toddler while I was in labour. I'm close to her but I couldn't even bear her to see me contracting, let alone half naked and shitting myself!

honestly I'm really upset with the way he has been with his mil, he was so much better before I was pregnant, and it's sad I got to see that change in him when I was pregnant, but I suppose I'm got to just keep it firm.

At least I'll have my dad

I forgot the pic.

Oh, many people scared the life out of me with the poo thing, I know it can happen, but I didn't actually poo, thankfully. I guess it wouldn't have mattered if I did though, as I suppose that can just be part of it.

That picture is so precious.

I'm actually feeling a bit sad that my dad wasn't there when I had my children!

Congrats felix!
That photo is absolutely wonderful!

Glad you stuck to your guns and had your dad there (just aswell really).