Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my mil at the birth and pick my dad over her?

544 replies

dfelix990 · 14/08/2016 11:45

hi all so basically my mum is no longer with me she passed away when i was 11 so i became extremely close to my dad who acted as my mum and dad.

im not that close to mil i mean i do like her but we arent that close, but she recently spoke to me about being at the birth and that as my mum isnt around she assumes shell be there. i said that im really sorry but i want my dad there, she started saying that was bizarre and she should have been the second choice as she is the 2nd grandmother. dh seems to think she has a point about being the 2nd grandmother.

aibu to have my dad there over her?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
gemma19846 · 15/08/2016 19:05

Couldnt think of anything worse than having my mil at the birth! I had my mum and oh and then just my oh at the 2nd one. Its up to you who you chose to have with you, if youre not comfortable with her being there then definitely say so

missuspritch · 15/08/2016 19:13

This really annoys me!! It's your choice, your birth and your yoohoo that's on display!! Put your foot down and tell them all straight it's your dad who will be there!

My MIL was similar when I was having my daughter, I had a ceserean because of medical issues and was really scared about it as I was adamant my whole pregnancy I didn't want one (even before I knew that it was the only way) both MIL her new husband (my partners step dad) and partners brother were adamant they came to visit within hours of DD being born despite my request they wait 24 hours till all my tubes were taken out and I'd had a wash etc... (Really didn't like the idea of me having a catheter in still and being unable to move and my MIL and partners STEP dad seeing me like that) they came anyway ... And really pissed be off!! Honestly stick to your guns otherwise it will annoy you that you did something for someone else Benifit when it's you that people should be catering to. YANBU I hope all goes well for you xxxxx

karen2406 · 15/08/2016 19:29

If your dad wants to be there then have him there & tell mil to piss off!! I had (ex) partner & my mum. Wouldn't have wanted it any other way ☺ good luck with your impending birth & I hope you're both healthy and happy 💐

Scarydinosaurs · 15/08/2016 19:37

I would ask your DH why he thinks his MIL should be there- and whatever reason they dream up, it won't be to support you- and that is the ONLY thing you need. Add stress to your birth and you'll increase the chance of complications, and ultimately yours and the baby's death. Surely he can't be so stupid and selfish to not see that??

Fannydoesit · 15/08/2016 19:50

I wouldn't have my mil at any of my births. It's such an emotional time and if you have anyone, it should be only those you connect deeply with, who will support you and whom you can be vulnerable with. If that's not mil, then she can't come. The end. I wanted my mum, I would have had my dad but definitely not mil. Stick to your guns OP... And all the best for the birth of your baby x

Original poster
dfelix990 · 15/08/2016 19:53

Hi all, so sorry for not being able to answer anyone since yesterday, you probably thought I was being very rude. I think the thread moved my LO along Grin

At 11:12 this morning, we welcomed a baby BOY (we didn't know the sex) into the world.

What a disaster, DH ended up leaving the room, as MIL wasn't getting enough action (I'm serious) she was waiting outside in her car :L so he missed him coming into the world, but my wonderful father was there the whole time, holding my hand (not looking at me down there Hmm)

Anyway, I have a gorgeous little boy, Matthew!

I just want to say, it really wasn't odd to have my dad there, it wasn't embarrassing, as yeah he saw me scream in pain, but why's that embarrassing? I wasn't stripped naked, and he didn't look at him actually be delivered.

Thank you all

OP posts:
Beautifulstorm · 15/08/2016 19:53

It's you giving birth you have there who will offer you the greatest support. She sounds a bit entitled tbh, women don't always have their mothers with them at the birth anyway. I had my ex and that was that. A lot of hospitals only allow 1 birthing partner

robinia · 15/08/2016 19:54

In terms of how you approach this with your mil (and your dh) perhaps it's worth explaining it as your dad is your mum - or has been from the age of 11 - which is why you want him there.

robinia · 15/08/2016 19:56

Oh Shock
Congratulations dfelix. So sorry your mil was such a pain. Time to enjoy your beautiful baby boy FlowersFlowersFlowers

JacquettaWoodville · 15/08/2016 19:57

Congrats! Lovely name!

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 15/08/2016 19:58

Flowers congratulations.

Welcome to the world baby Matthew.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/08/2016 19:59

Sounds like it was meant to be! Perhaps your MIL causing your DH to miss the baby being born will give his head a wobble.

Congratulations. Flowers

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 15/08/2016 20:00

Ahem....

Congratulations OP.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 15/08/2016 20:04

Congratulations!! Flowers

Bloody hell though, your MIL is a selfish nightmare. Glad your dad was there for you, he sounds lovely and I bet it was very special for him

Lalal00p5y · 15/08/2016 20:06

Do whatever you feel is right. If you want your dad there then do it! You can always tell him to stay the head end! Haha! Everyone is different and you have to do what is right for you !

HeCantBeSerious · 15/08/2016 20:07

Too late, lala.

Lalal00p5y · 15/08/2016 20:09

Oops ha! Congratulations on your baby boy!!

Scarydinosaurs · 15/08/2016 20:09

How wonderful that you weren't alone when he was born!

I'm so pleased your dad was there to support you.

GoulashSoup · 15/08/2016 20:11

Congratulations OP! How lovely that you had your awesome Dad with you. It must have been really special for him.

I would not be impressed if my DH had left me at that stage of labour. If he can't put you first then when will he? Perhaps missing his son's birth will be a wake up call as to where his responsibilities lie now.

Enjoy sniffing all that lovely newborn goodness Flowers

DartmoorDoughnut · 15/08/2016 20:11

Congratulations!! As a previous poster said hopefully missing the birth of his son - WTAF?! - will make your DH put you both above his mother.

Hope you're getting some rest Flowers

TransvisionTramp · 15/08/2016 20:16

Oh that's fabulous news OP congratulations on the birth of your little boy Flowers

Your MIL sounds like a bloody nightmare BTW - and her selfishness and sense of entitlement ultimately resulted in DH missing the birth of his son.

I'd remind him of that every time she plays up in the future

0nTheEdge · 15/08/2016 20:25

Congratulations OP! That's fantastic news, and good on you for sticking to your guns. Your lovely dad was there to hold your hand whilst that selfish drama queen caused traumas. What a surprise. I think she would have always made it all about her! Enjoy your new baby, lovely name btw.

LC01 · 15/08/2016 20:28

Agree with transvision, you should point that out to DH and MIL. But so glad your dad was there for you.

Huge congratulations.

Arfarfanarf · 15/08/2016 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 15/08/2016 20:29

Congratulations, dFelix - well done, and welcome to little Matthew.

I hope you enjoy your time with your new, new , newborn.

So pleased your Dad was so great.

I hope your DH will now take up his role as new dad and prioritise you and your little boy over his Mum, and that you will settle down, the 3 of you, and learn to be a new family.

All best wishes to you.