Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Away from home and partner gone missing, help

620 replies

Discopanda · 14/08/2016 04:25

Posting here for traffic. We're in Brighton for the weekend and last night got a babysitter so we could go out for a few drinks. When we got in just before 12, DP went with babysitter to get cash to pay her, hasn't come back since. I guessed he'd gone on for a couple more drinks but everywhere will be closed now. His phone is off (it was low on battery when we were out), I don't have a working mobile just my laptop, he's got the only door key and I can't drive, so I am literally stuck here with our 2 DDs (1 and 4), check out is at 4 and I've got all our things and have no idea how I'm even going to be able to take the girls downstairs for breakfast without the key card to get back in after. I was considering calling the local A&E to see if he's got hurt or injured but don't want to wake them up. What do I do?!?!

OP posts:
unimagmative13 · 14/08/2016 20:41

Maybe the cards were used on line?

Even if Tesco etc are 24 hours they are still shut Sunday morning so close Saturday night reopen 10am Sunday.

Sounds like a weird set up. Why were you out drinking on a family weekend away, you would come back drunk in charge of 2 children. You left a babysitter in a hotel room with children. Why didn't you get the cash out before? If I was babysitter I want to get out of there without having a drink husband traipse to the cash point!

Whole think sounds very shady.

Beeziekn33ze · 14/08/2016 20:42

OP are you still in the hotel in Brighton with DP sobering up? Or have you somehow managed to get yourselves home?

LIZS · 14/08/2016 20:42

Lol, Brighton has never been a "safe" place at night. Perhaps the thieves watched him withdraw the money, distracted him for the pin. Then scooped the cards up later. Maybe he was embarrassed at being targeted and duped. But why kick off at the police?

LyndaNotLinda · 14/08/2016 20:45

Your sense of what is acceptable and normal behaviour from your partner is totally out of whack disco :(

3weeksthankgod · 14/08/2016 20:46

Why were the police in your hotel at 8.30am? Was that to do with the credit card or your husband's arrest?

RomeoIsBleeding · 14/08/2016 20:51

I'd be interested to know which bank you're with if they agreed to refund the money on a Sunday, when they are closed, and before any investigation had been conducted.

Doinmummy · 14/08/2016 20:53

Romeo I thought that too.

LIZS · 14/08/2016 20:55

When the bank has flagged up potentially fraudulent activity we've been notified promptly ( ie. Late Morning after night before in Caribbean) with promise of refund which took a few days to appear.

CalleighDoodle · 14/08/2016 20:55

Surely they dont physically have to spend £600. They could ask for cash-back?

blueturtle6 · 14/08/2016 20:58

Online shops are open 24hours, and some show up as a shop. Some banks ATM have cctv and bank phone lines are open 24/7.
Glad you are all ok OP and have a more restful evening tonight

Bogeyface · 14/08/2016 20:59

I assume none of you have ever worked in a pub!

I have seen the victim of crime being arrested because he kicked off big style and when the police officer told him to calm down he went completely off at the deep end and ended up being arresting for assaulting a PO! With a drink inside them, especially people who dont deal with alcohol well, people can do fucking stupid things that get them into more trouble than the person who committed the original crime.

MiniCooperLover · 14/08/2016 20:59

Banks have fraud departments that are contactable 24 hours a day 7 days a week, a Sunday would make no difference to that.

Bearbehind · 14/08/2016 20:59

FGS OP, are you really naive enough to believe him?

Aside from than the many other gaping holes in this story- how did the police know where to find a man who is staying in a hotel? And why were they even looking for him? Hmm

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 14/08/2016 21:00

I have to say posting on Mumsnet would not be my first move in the circumstances suggested...

beccabanana · 14/08/2016 21:00

HSBC usually refund at any time of day if you call the fraud line. They have done with me. They then investigate and decide whether to honor the refund or not. However, that is for online transactions. I can't see any bank refunding a cash withdrawal ( I may be totally wrong) unless the cards were reported stolen before the cash was withdrawn, in which case, they would have been cancelled at that time. The OP said they withdrew cash and then tried to use the card in a shop but that was stopped as the card was cancelled then. I still don't see how without the PIN?

Writerwannabe83 · 14/08/2016 21:01

This whole thing is very bizarre.

If the robbers ran off with his card who exactly was he "causing a scene with" that warranted an arrest? And if the police were on the scene why were they arresting your husband instead of going after the robbers?

And I'm sorry, they tried to make a purchase of £600 with his card? How exactly? I'm assuming they didn't know his Pin?

And I completely agree with others, seeing as Banks are closed on Sunday's I would love to know who you've spoken to who has said they'll refund you the money no questions asked?

How was money even withdrawn without the Pin?

Nothing makes sense to me....

Plus, what kind of man decides to just go back out drinking whilst his wife is at the hotel with the children when he knows she's expecting him back?

Plus, who goes away without their mobile phone charger? Grin

And again, why wouldn't you take the Childminder's payment out of the ATM on your way back to the hotel? Did you both just forget to do it?

I don't think he was shagging the babysitter but he was certainly up to something dodgy and his explanations are bullshit in my opinion Grin

StealthPolarBear · 14/08/2016 21:01

Bear he was arrested then and there surely

LIZS · 14/08/2016 21:02

Normally fraudsters try a few small purchases to check card is working before any bigger ones. Contactless is up to £30 a go now, so that might have been possible. Most banks set a daily cash withdrawal limit of a few hundred though, so with your babysitter amount less would have been available.

Noonesfool · 14/08/2016 21:03

Some of the dumbass speculating on here is amazing.

How is it at all helpful to the OP to ask if it's possible that X/Y/Z happened?

Particularly the more hysterical ones.
🙄
Hope you're ok Disco

Blu · 14/08/2016 21:10

Much supposition based on little info.

Discopanda updated this evening. She doesn't say the £600 spend was before her DP / police were at the hotel at 8.30, she says it was attempted after he cancelled his cards. So the £600 spend could have been any time later today. Shops of all kinds are open in Brighton on a Sunday.

Discopanda has enough on her plate - DiscoDP did not behave well, he wrecked their weekend by deciding to go solo drinking. Is it Brighton that has everyone luridly imagining rent boys and prostitutes? Would you be thinking the same thing if this had happened in Hay on Wye?

Blu · 14/08/2016 21:12

Banks are not 'closed on Sundays'. I can talk to my bank 24/7, about my accounts, about fraud, about replacement cards, about stopping cards, about activity on my account......

Who do you bank with? Toytown?

Bearbehind · 14/08/2016 21:13

Bear he was arrested then and there surely

That's not how it read to me- it read as if the first police involvement was at 8.30 in the hotel.

Why would the police arrest him, let him go then wait in a hotel reception for him?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 14/08/2016 21:13

I'm glad he's ok, and more importantly you are ok. Hopefully you can sort it all out later when you're in the right situation.

Can't believe some of the ludicrous speculation going on, fuelled by nothing more than a wannabe badass attitude, misreading your posts and a thirst for blood.

Good Lord.

exWifebeginsat40 · 14/08/2016 21:20

hang on - why were the police at your hotel this morning? if they knew about the card theft why didn't they speak to him when he was in custody? why wait til he's released and then go to a hotel? if he could tell them what hotel he was in, he must have been with them?

I call shenanigans. hope you're ok, OP. you're worth more than this.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 14/08/2016 21:21

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted

My theory is drugs, a prostitute, a rent-boy or a combination thereof

Grin

Ahhhh, MN supposition at it's best. Is this what we wanted, guys? No happy ending? No OP resolving her marital issues with OH? While it may be online, some of these posts are RL issues and are therefore treated accordingly. But many MNetters want the 'show' to go on and on and on.....