AIBU for hating this lady for making me feel...

[JeffreyNeedsAHobby]

like an irresponsible pet owner?
Today we went to find a second goldfish as DC had decided our solo effort was getting lonely. We bought a 30lt tank from Pets at Home with a pump/castle/seaweed/gravel etc from them when we got him 3 months ago. At the time the salesman said we could have appx 4 fish of that size in this tank.
So FFWD 3 months and we go merrily into the store to purchase fist No2. However catsbum face lady cleaning the tank looks down sourly at us and explains that they will not be selling me a goldfish as the tank size is too small for 2 goldfish. Apparently they can grow to the size of COY CARP?!
So at this point I realise my mouth is hanging open and manage to pull myself together enough to say "Are you joking? How many fish do you have right there in that tank you are cleaning?" . This, she explains, this is different. This is a Holding Tank. She went on to suggest that I dig a large whole in the garden and create a pond, for my two sodding tiny goldfish.

Of course smallest DC starts to cry (thought she was 'rescuing' a fish tbf) and this woman literally doesn't flinch and turns back to her cleaning.

I was ridiculously furious and marched out saying the same. Called a vet friend who has seen the tank and she said she would probably be happy to see 4 in there, pond, in her mind, was worse as we have seagulls in our town and houses on every side have cats, plus you need a shady spot or the fish fry apparently. Nice.

So AIBU? I want to right a stinking complaints letter.

Apart from the chlorine remover (stress coat is good) you don't need any other bottles if you do it right (except ammonia for cycling) It was a huge learning curve for me. And don't get me wrong, I still make the odd mistake now (put a new fish straight in without quarantining it and lost a few fish because of it) but I do my best.

Our aquarium shop (not PAH) has notices in it about how goldfish are the most mistreated pets of all as they are almost always in tanks far too small for them.

I'm surprised the 'flush it down the toilet' suggestion hasn't popped up yet...

It was in the papers about that. They are urging people (USA) not to flush goldfish down the loo because they are wrecking the habitat of natural fish in lakes.
They are also trying to discourage 'aquarium dumping' in lakes.

www.aol.co.uk/news/2015/06/25/flushed-away-monster-goldfish-found-in-ponds/

Agree with all the posts about how goldfish are the most mistreated pets. I think they do suffer horrendously when in poor water conditions. Bodies go all misshapen, they get horrendous growths and ulcers or ammonia burns. It is important to do fishless cycling before putting them in the tank and ensure the tank size is adequate/for certain goldfish ponds are preferable. However, it is not uncommon to make this mistake with goldfish and the salesman told you the tank size was good for 4 fish - its not something you could just know (yes ideally you research before buying a pet but in the case of goldfish we often assume as so many other people have small tanks and bowls). I suspect the lady told you with a bit of an attitude rather than politely educating you re tank size. However, I would more annoyed at the man in the second shop who sold you the 2nd goldfish knowing that you had too small a tank.

Just in case this inspires anyone else to get a pond, it's worth considering the long term plan and "exit strategy" if you bored of pond ownership, or sell the house to someone who doesn't want a pond. With any other animal you buy 2 of the same sex, or have them neutered, and even with a long lived animal there comes a point where it dies and you have the choice whether to get another or not. A pond doesn't work like that. You put a couple of fish in your pond and years later, if you've kept them well, you may have hundreds. You don't get a "natural break point" unless something goes pear shaped and they all die. Ours didn't all breed gold, they seemed to breed darker over time. It's just not realistic for most people to find loving adoptive homes for hundreds of small dark fish.

Basically a pond can be a bit like a perpetual, un-re-home-able pet, unless you cock it up and kill off the whole ecosystem. I think our fish had a nice life though. No idea how old they were, just that we were about the 4th owners of the house since the pond was created.

I don't think personally think fish have the capacity to 'suffer', in that they aren't swimming round thinking 'I'm so unhappy, fml'. They just exist. Yes they might grow bigger or live longer in more optimal conditions but they're basically fine

Well they're not fine, are they, not if their lives are being shortened. If their lives are shorter then they are stressed. I don't mean in the sense that we will often refer to being stressed as humans, I mean that physiologically they are stressed. Well animals live longer, unwell animals die sooner. They don't have the capacity to view their lives as boring, no, but they can suffer. And whilst one might not be too worried about stressed fish, it doesn't seem to be a great idea to keep them, knowing that they are in that state.

Anyway, OP, good luck with what you decide to do whether it's rehoming the fish or building a pond!

To be honest I don't really object to this policy. I've seen people get really angry at my local PaH because they wouldn't sell them a hamster with a tiny cage. Obviously PaH shouldn't be selling the cages and most of the employees aren't happy about it either but just want to do the best by the animals. They can't stop the company selling little plastic jail cells but they can stop their animals from having to live in them. Person could have been more helpful but animal welfare is more important than customer service so, even though she should have been politer, she was probably right not to sell you the fish.

Yes, I agree, she was right. I was annoyed with the way she said it and that she made dd cry and seemed to contradict what her co-worker had told us a few months before when we spent a fair amount in the same shop.

Obviously now I know she was correct, although I do think she should potentially work on a nicer delivery or perhaps ensure larger tanks are stocked so that she would be able to show us an adequate one for two goldfish.

But yes I also think the other two shops were wrong to tell me the tank size was fine and sell the 2nd fish to us without any advice to up-size the tank.

I was BU!

I do think that a lot of people would rather have the truth than keep a pet in poor conditions. I often think the lack of vocals from fish keeps us from really noticing their pain. I also read they are apparently much smarter than we think and the short memory is a myth.

Anyway, I hope this thread has been of use to others and perhaps will allow some other fish a nicer home somewhere

Well said OP :) We have a pond with the same dimensions as our bathroom. Oh and if you do decide to do a pond make sure its deep enough! shallow ponds also no good for goldfish. Minimum depth of 3 foot is recommended to keep conditions constant and to stop it fully freezing in winter