AIBU for hating this lady for making me feel...

[JeffreyNeedsAHobby]

like an irresponsible pet owner?
Today we went to find a second goldfish as DC had decided our solo effort was getting lonely. We bought a 30lt tank from Pets at Home with a pump/castle/seaweed/gravel etc from them when we got him 3 months ago. At the time the salesman said we could have appx 4 fish of that size in this tank.
So FFWD 3 months and we go merrily into the store to purchase fist No2. However catsbum face lady cleaning the tank looks down sourly at us and explains that they will not be selling me a goldfish as the tank size is too small for 2 goldfish. Apparently they can grow to the size of COY CARP?!
So at this point I realise my mouth is hanging open and manage to pull myself together enough to say "Are you joking? How many fish do you have right there in that tank you are cleaning?" . This, she explains, this is different. This is a Holding Tank. She went on to suggest that I dig a large whole in the garden and create a pond, for my two sodding tiny goldfish.

Of course smallest DC starts to cry (thought she was 'rescuing' a fish tbf) and this woman literally doesn't flinch and turns back to her cleaning.

I was ridiculously furious and marched out saying the same. Called a vet friend who has seen the tank and she said she would probably be happy to see 4 in there, pond, in her mind, was worse as we have seagulls in our town and houses on every side have cats, plus you need a shady spot or the fish fry apparently. Nice.

So AIBU? I want to right a stinking complaints letter.

Hi, op. As others have said that size tank is no good for 2 goldfish. As you have added another fish straight away, I'd suggest you do a 50% water change every day for at least a week to allow the good bacteria to catch up, otherwise they will be swimming around in high amounts of ammonia and nitrites. Hopefully you've read up on goldfish care now, but if you have any questions feel free to pm me.

I started off with 2 goldfish in a small tank as you did, then researched (i thought i knew it all as my mam kept fish) and realised they needed a bigger tank so bought a 60 litre tank which they lived in happily for a few years which is when i rehomed them to my aunties pond. (as far as I know they're still swimming happily about and will be about 10 now) I then upgraded to tropical fish. Contrary to popular belief they are much easier to keep. All you need to do is add a heater, and now that my tank is established all i need to do is a water change every 2 weeks and every 3 months or so clean the filter (goldfish are much dirtier than tropical) I would suggest rehoming the goldfish and getting a heater and a Betta fish (Siamese Fighter Fsh) You can only put one in a tank as like the name suggests they fight. But they are great little characters. Please read up on the fishless cycle 1st though to ensure its happy. Its a good way to teach your dcs about water conditions and how one bacteria creates another which in turn turns into another which is not as toxic to the fish. Anyhow I'm babbling on, but just remember you're not the 1st person who has made the mistake of getting fish without doing the research and you won't be the last but the fact you are now doing it shows you are willing to put your fishies 1st. And you never know, in a few years youmightll be on here telling someone else how to care for their newly acquired fish.

Looking after goldfish properly is ridiculously complicated. I know this because sodding dd won one at a fair last year, which unsurprisingly became ill quite quickly because the crap little tank they sold me was too small. (I wasn't present when she actually won the fish)

Some lovely MNers gave me some great advice, and after being nursed by a local man who has fish and keeps them properly he is fully recovered and living in a pond. We almost killed him with our ignorance though.

Good luck with your goldfish op. You're going to need a massive tank I think!

Oyster, fish certainly do have the capacity to be distressed. I've seen it and it's not pretty to watch.

OP, in your position I would return the fish (if the original shop won't take it am aquatics centre may - I took my tropical fish to one when I had to get rid of the tank and they put them into a quarantine tank for a while before reselling them) and do as a PP suggested and get white mountain minnows or a betta. I'm afraid goldfish are really hard to keep well in a tank.

Crikey we used to win goldfish at the fairground. Brought them home in a little plastic bag. Not a single question asked by the fairground man.

people think goldfish are low maintance - we did as well - then we discovered tropicals like guppies and danios! So much more fun and easy

Take the gold fish back and get some minows

The woman was right btw - the guy who sold u it was wrong

good grief, why can't people explain things nicely - and get their point across - instead of jumping at other's throats and completely hiding the fair points they are making in the process.

The saleswoman could have been friendlier, even if she was right. OP was obviously trying to do the right thing.

I would never dig a pond in my garden. With young children, it's not worth the risk. I am sorry for the goldfish, but I would absolutely not put any of my kids at risk.

injaf.org/care-and-information/the-goldfish-section/what-size-tank-for-goldfish/

We recently bought fish at pets at home and all the staff we spoke to told us not to get goldfish as the tank the DCs wanted was too small even for one goldfish. I was surprised as I assumed they were small fish.

Is there a botanic gardens near you? They often have fish ponds. Sorry I've no more helpful ideas but I think it's good that you are trying to find a solution for the fish

Well, Jeffrey you certainly have yourself a hobby now. Who knew goldfish were such hard work?

I think OP is getting an unnecessarily hard time. She's asking for advice and taking it onboard.

I have just had a fleeting moment of guilt for my childhood fair-won fish who lived in what I now know to be an inappropriately sized tank. Apologies Flipper and Splasher but Google didn't exist back in your day. And sorry that I was also so naive as to think that the cat wouldn't dig you up if we buried you in the garden

Can't you upgrade the tank as needed and give yourself time to plan a pond if that's what you decide.

OP you poor thing, what a nightmare. Kudos to you for taking MN advice on the chin and trying to find the right home for your pets. You are not a bad pet owner. You believed the 'experts' and were mistaken. Now you are trying to work out the right thing to do.

I think your best options are a bigger tank or rehoming to a nearby family with a pond.

My sister had a goldfish for many years in what was probably too small a tank. Then my parents moved house and have a big pond with fish. McCartney the goldfish was moved into the pond and lived there happily for many more years.

But a pond takes a lot of upkeep. I have a small one and it is actually a lot of work to keep it clean and clear - and all I have in it are newts. If you can find a local family with a big pond your children could visit the fish.

And this will be a life lesson for all of you. "We wanted to believe the nice man was right and the nasty lady was wrong but now mummy has looked on the internet and it was the lady who was right and she wasn't being nasty after all. We've learned to always always do research before making an important decision like keeping a pet."

Your children will understand and you'll have shown them you can admit when you're wrong. Other posters should be cheering you, not kicking you for trusting the information you were given.

Go on your local Facebook page, ask if there is anyone with a fish pond. Rehome your fish where they will.be happy. Then buy some minnows or danios. All will be well. And d o some research about fish keeping

Or if you get a heater you can keep some shrimp!

Would love to know how many people keep caged animals, which is also appalling, IMO. I am horrified that my SIL has rabbits in the smallest, crappest hutch ever.

OP, just get a bigger tank and the filtration system to handle the greater volume of water. As for worrying about cats, I've never seen any near my pond, which is netted to deter the heron. I haven't lost a fish when the pond is netted. If you do ever build a pond, don't do it under a tree, the rubbish you have to clear out is constant.

OP I feel for you as it is obviously you didn't set out with the intention to be cruel.

Many years ago, same thing happened to my mum. We ended up fitting a pond, despite having three cats, living near a river (herons visited) and plenty of gulls.

To stop cats etc, we had a framed net over the pond. To stop it freezing, in winter place a small ball in there. To be honest, it was the best thing we could have done. We (siblings) ended up spending hours watching it, family of frogs made their home there too and the fish lived for years (and grew massive!). Some of the fish bred too which is apparently quite unusual. I'd seriously consider a pond - I miss having one now I'm an adult!

Not sure about these people saying they won't suffer, of course they will, and die very quickly!

OP can you not just get a bigger tank rather than rip up the garden?

eBay/pre loved /Freecycle/ newspaper are your friends.

You could get a really nice sized one for the cost of digging and sorting a pond and maybe even get a couple of different fish as well mini aquarium style.

I don't think you should feel bad OP, there is clearly a lot of confusion and conflicting advice about goldfish. My dd wants fish and I spoke to someone in a fish shop who actually advised tropical fish rather than goldfish. She said they are easier, you have to feed them less and clean them less. She did not say that you can't keep goldfish in tanks, in fact does so herself.
If you do decide to go the pond route, it's a good deal of work digging it! I did this when I first moved into dh's house. You will get instructions n the internet, but as long as it is deep enough it won't freeze solid and the fish will be fine. If it freezes over you just break the ice to let some air in. To stop them cooking in the summer you need to plant it up nicely with pond plants, and again if it is deep enough they will be fine. If there are lots of predators you can throw a net over the pond. It will bring lots of wildlife into your garden if you design it well. I kept 3 goldfish in mine and they grew quite fast really. Sadly I left them when we moved house and the new owners turned my lovely little garden into a yard covered in purple slate chips. So no idea what happened to my fish. But the digging bit was hard work!!!

I think the problem is the idiot that sold you the first tank. That's where your complaint and problem lies.
Although there was no reason the woman should have been so rude so again I'd add her attitude to the complaint. She should have handled it better since her store mis-sold you.

Greatthat yes agree they suffer. As would we swimming around in large amounts of urea.

There is not conflicting advice around the care of fish - people just don't bother to do their research before buying them - the pet industry capitalises on these people who think those ridiculous Disney tanks look cute in their children's bedrooms.

Haven't rtft have u thought about platys? They look like goldfish but are much smaller.

Pets at Home......with a horrendous reputation who regularly sell sick animals themselves were chastising you over squishing two goldfish into a 30l tank? You have to laugh a bit?

Thanks everyone, I had to try to get some sleep and walk away for a bit. I'm trying to find out if a friend from a bit further away has a bigger tank I can buy, for now, until I can sort out whether we can do a garden pond or if they have to go.

Kids are old enough for a pond but we have a few friends who have new babies, and we have a fair few people over a lot of the time so I am a bit concerned about the idea. A raised one might work, but then the kids need to be able to see over it/it needs steps = back to the baby issue once more.

I need a bit more sleep before I decide. Thank you all for the advice. Good to know I have a few months.

30ltr too small for 2 goldfish? DS1 had 6 in a tank that size!

I have just decided to swap my (rather useless) veg patch for the pond. Tbh we only ever got a few things a year out of the veg plot - it was more "educational" but in reality it is in the best place. It's a raised bed with sleepers around the edge which should act as a decent barrier for kids, plus it is right near the table on the patio so can be approached with supervision and even netted.

I can't take all of the credit for this brainwave - DC thought of it and they are doing some good problem solving to go with it!

Hope you aren't too bruised from this thread Jeffrey! Bet you had no idea what was coming when you posted.
Ponds are also a bit of an investment (time and money) but that's great if you're keen to do it. Come back and show us a picture soon!