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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for hating this lady for making me feel...

159 replies

JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 14/08/2016 02:53

like an irresponsible pet owner?
Today we went to find a second goldfish as DC had decided our solo effort was getting lonely. We bought a 30lt tank from Pets at Home with a pump/castle/seaweed/gravel etc from them when we got him 3 months ago. At the time the salesman said we could have appx 4 fish of that size in this tank.
So FFWD 3 months and we go merrily into the store to purchase fist No2. However catsbum face lady cleaning the tank looks down sourly at us and explains that they will not be selling me a goldfish as the tank size is too small for 2 goldfish. Apparently they can grow to the size of COY CARP?!
So at this point I realise my mouth is hanging open and manage to pull myself together enough to say "Are you joking? How many fish do you have right there in that tank you are cleaning?" . This, she explains, this is different. This is a Holding Tank. She went on to suggest that I dig a large whole in the garden and create a pond, for my two sodding tiny goldfish.

Of course smallest DC starts to cry (thought she was 'rescuing' a fish tbf) and this woman literally doesn't flinch and turns back to her cleaning.

I was ridiculously furious and marched out saying the same. Called a vet friend who has seen the tank and she said she would probably be happy to see 4 in there, pond, in her mind, was worse as we have seagulls in our town and houses on every side have cats, plus you need a shady spot or the fish fry apparently. Nice.

So AIBU? I want to right a stinking complaints letter.

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 14/08/2016 04:28

Nooo!
Look here www.ponds4fish.co.uk/product-category/round-rigid-pond-liners/?orderby=price

412 litre, as an example, is £50. You can put this type in the ground or above the ground

There are various cheap ways to do a pond.

I have one of the above. I will be covering the outside with wood pannelling.

Original poster
JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 14/08/2016 04:28

OK Mirri, I was shit at expecting to be told the right size tank for a goldfish. I was shit at not suspecting that I had been lied to and gone into every detail after or before purchasing to try to catch out the sales person.

I am going to make my children very sad when I tell them in a few hours time that we have to give away their pets as we haven't go the facilities when their friends have far more in worse conditions. I don't feel great about any of this. I am up at 4:30 in the morning asking questions about it, so I think you can safely assume I care to some extent about the fish.

I AM SO VERY VERY SORRY.

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 14/08/2016 04:30

JEFF please don't upset your kids. Cheap pond possible. No to direct sunlight,it's not good for the fish.

BillSykesDog · 14/08/2016 04:33

Wow. I have had 2 goldfish in a 30l tank. They never grew bigger than 3 inches. They lived 8 years and 9 years. Last one died recently.

NightmareNeighboursGaaah · 14/08/2016 04:36

The responses from Mirri are very OTT, OP. I know nothing about goldfish but it's quite clear you are caring and there was no need for her to repeatedly jump down your throat making you think otherwise in my opinion. I'm sure a friendly "actually you are wrong and the PAH sales woman was right" would have sufficed.

Original poster
JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 14/08/2016 04:37

Trip - I see what you are saying but to be honest I don't know anything about ponds, I saw just now on one site that sun is best because it allows plants to grow and that fish would happily live there local.which.co.uk/advice/basics-of-how-to-plan-build-design-pond - now we are going back to what my vet friend said about sun. I am not confident in my research abilities, strangely enough!

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 14/08/2016 04:41

Look specifically at fish pond advice :) the advice for a fish pond can be different to that of a wildlife or plant only pond.

Direct sunlight is bad for the fish. Honestly, out of that will be fine. Mine is going in an area that gets sun but is also shaded.

Searching at this time of day, after just discovering the lady was right and when you're worried about upsetting your kids is not going to be helpful.

Do it another time. Maybe search it with your kids and plan a future project? It would probably be a lot of fun, and a great learning experience, for them to plan the future home for the pets they have now

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 14/08/2016 04:42

Oh and yeah, fish CAN be in a pond in direct sun BUT only if you take precautions to protect them.

Honestly, the pond doesn't need to be in the brightest bit of the garden. Besides, algae sucks ;)

OohMavis · 14/08/2016 04:52

I've never seen such public MN shaming over a goldfish. I mean, no disrespect to the goldfish or anything, but...

trafalgargal · 14/08/2016 05:28

Pets at Home have had the same name for years so don't quite understand the "they keep changing their name" comment.

I don't think hating someone for giving you correct advice is particularly reasonable unless you are six years old however although to be annoyed that the original advice was incorrect is appropriate .

RubbishMantra · 14/08/2016 05:30

That's really interesting Treeroot, about what you wrote about spine and internal organs keeping on growing.

My mother had 2 very short goldfish living in a (fake?) half barrel in the garden. They both looked very lumpen and mis-shapen, unequally on each side. They're part of the Carp family, who can grow over 50lb.

Sadly they're now dead. Sad

mathanxiety · 14/08/2016 06:11

If you really are considering building an actual pond for two tiny goldfish, please put your DCs' welfare first, and also make sure your garden isn't accessible to other children. Children can drown in as little as an inch of water, and ponds are very attractive to them. If it comes to a choice of children's safety and a congenial environment for two goldfish, I know what I would choose.

The whole £600 pond business seems to me to be a case of taking a decent and well-meaning ideal of proper care for a pet and running right off the deep end with it, at top speed.

Indeed, OohMavis.

VashtaNerada · 14/08/2016 06:18

We bought a small tank (no idea of size, bigger than the old-fashioned 'bowl' type but certainly not huge) and two fish from Pets at Home, without any problems. They didn't grow particularly big or anything. It is definitely worth a letter of complaint about their differing opinions and the appalling lack of customer service.

Ditsy4 · 14/08/2016 06:18

Goodness there are some unpleasant people on Mumsnet.

Jeffrey
You had a lucky escape. My daughter arrived home with a fish from the fair. We went off and bought a tank etc and the fish was happy for a couple of weeks. I expected it to die to be honest because it came from a fair. After reading up she wanted another so we went to pets at home. Chose a fish and took it home. After a few days it showed signs of disease and killed our lovely healthy fish before dying itself. Yes, I did go and get stuff to put in the water to no avail. I went back to tell them and they just said "oh yes it must have come out of that tank we have had a real problem with them." So why were they still selling them to unsuspecting teenagers. Never bought anything there again.
Does no one slating Jeffrey think she might have the sense to get a bigger tank as the fish grows. For goodness sake credit her with some sense and if the vet friend says it is big enough and she has seen the tank then surely it is for the time being.

Elisheva · 14/08/2016 06:33

There are other fish you could keep in that tank, minnows, danios, a shrimp, couple of snails etc.
I would go back to the shop and complain about the first guy you spoke to and ask if they can help rehome your goldfish. A small, independent aquarium shop might take it too. Then, if you still want to keep fish (and they are a pita), choose a couple of smaller ones.

davos · 14/08/2016 06:49

Don't ever buy anything from advice at pets at home. I go in there for stuff for the our dog as we don't have any independent stores around. But never ask the staffs advice, they have no clue what they are talking about.

Certainly don't buy any animals from them.

Phineyj · 14/08/2016 07:07

Look, the fish will be ok for a year and by then the DC will have no doubt lost interest and you can make a pond, find somewhere to rehome the fish or whatever. It's not a problem that needs an urgent solution.

redcaryellowcar · 14/08/2016 07:11

I'm sorry some people are being so rude to you OP, I think it's totally unecessary to be so unpleasant when you are asking for help and advice.
If I were in your situation I would be tempted to take the whole lot back to the original shop, it seems they sold you the wrong combination, I'm amazed that they sell goldfish in such large quantities bearing in mind the luxurious conditions they require, we certainly wouldn't be putting in a pond in your situation mostly because of the safety risk with young-ish children but also because it's very costly. I realise that whatever you do you risk upsetting your dd. Tricky situation to be in for you.

SoupDragon · 14/08/2016 07:12

The OP can buy a bigger tank or dig a pond.
I suspect some posters can't fix their unpleasantness so easily.

amidestinedtobechubbyforlife · 14/08/2016 07:15

What a jobsworth bell end! Fairly obvious sales tactic wanting you to purchase a bigger tank as well Hmm
We did the same and we have three fish in a tank they said was only to fit two. Months later they are still small goldfish and haven't grown at all (that I have noticed)

MoosLikeJagger · 14/08/2016 07:31

Please go to www.thinkfish.co.uk and spend a few hours reading up on it.

Goldfish, kept correctly, live for 30 (thirty) years. That is a serious commitment. Kept incorrectly - in a too-small, crowded, poorly-filtered tank - they'll live miserable lives and die far sooner.

OP I am sorry the lady made you feel like shit. But she was acting far more ethically than the dickhead who sold you the tank.

What to do? Take the goldfish back to the shop. You could replace it with maybe 4 White Cloud Mountain Minnows, which are actually meant to be tiny. Get a water testing kit at the same time, to keep an eye on ammonia/nitrate/nitrite levels.

If you got a heater for the tank then a Siamese Fighting Fish might be an option.

Do read up on as many articles as you can on the thinkfish.co.uk site, and especially the fish profile of any species you are considering keeping.

airforsharon · 14/08/2016 07:31

Don't panic! The fish will be fine for now, in the tank you have. Certainly don't rush into putting in a pond, especially if your garden isn't really suitable. Bigger tank in a couple of months time.

I do think pet shops need to have more clear advice on their equipment - ie 'these thanks are suitable for (insert names of v small fish breeds) only'. A lot of people don't do any research and researching in a panic can throw up a lot of conflicting advice. Your PAH woman was right OP, but you don't need to rush into anything now.

CustardOmlet · 14/08/2016 07:33

Good god, do not get rid of your fish! My fish is 12yrs old and lived his entire life in a "starter kit" tank. He is active, has a personality and recognises my DF as the provider of food (throws stones at the side of the tank specifically at him in the morning)

PansOnFire · 14/08/2016 08:00

This is madness - OP, keep the tank you have and leave the goldfish in there. Don't go spending ££££ on digging a sodding pond! Just don't get another.

PEH also refused to sell us a 2nd fish after selling us the first and the 30l tank to go with it. Half the staff know what they're talking about and the other half don't. We have kept 1 fish in the tank they sold us and it seems fine.

I think the pond suggestions and the hours of research is going a little bit far.

MoosLikeJagger · 14/08/2016 08:04

I think a couple of hours learning how to care for the animal that is now entirely dependent on her is reasonable - and may save her the trouble of digging a pond.

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