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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for hating this lady for making me feel...

159 replies

JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 14/08/2016 02:53

like an irresponsible pet owner?
Today we went to find a second goldfish as DC had decided our solo effort was getting lonely. We bought a 30lt tank from Pets at Home with a pump/castle/seaweed/gravel etc from them when we got him 3 months ago. At the time the salesman said we could have appx 4 fish of that size in this tank.
So FFWD 3 months and we go merrily into the store to purchase fist No2. However catsbum face lady cleaning the tank looks down sourly at us and explains that they will not be selling me a goldfish as the tank size is too small for 2 goldfish. Apparently they can grow to the size of COY CARP?!
So at this point I realise my mouth is hanging open and manage to pull myself together enough to say "Are you joking? How many fish do you have right there in that tank you are cleaning?" . This, she explains, this is different. This is a Holding Tank. She went on to suggest that I dig a large whole in the garden and create a pond, for my two sodding tiny goldfish.

Of course smallest DC starts to cry (thought she was 'rescuing' a fish tbf) and this woman literally doesn't flinch and turns back to her cleaning.

I was ridiculously furious and marched out saying the same. Called a vet friend who has seen the tank and she said she would probably be happy to see 4 in there, pond, in her mind, was worse as we have seagulls in our town and houses on every side have cats, plus you need a shady spot or the fish fry apparently. Nice.

So AIBU? I want to right a stinking complaints letter.

OP posts:
Jizzomelette · 14/08/2016 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 11:16

All this fuss over a goldfish!

Only on MN

wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 11:20

and whats the point of having a pond?
You have to cover it with mesh, which spoils the look and means you can't see anything anyway.

Seems,like a lot of work for nothing.
Think I'll stick to dogs.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 14/08/2016 11:31

Good for you, OP - that sounds like a good idea. I hope it works out for you and the goldfish.

bettyswalls · 14/08/2016 11:36

I had two goldfish in a small tank when I was 14.

One of them survived but the friends I got for him kept dying off. Eventually I bought him a fab 60L off Gumtree and a heavy duty filter (once I became a proper adult) properly cycled the tank etc. He has real fish plants to eat and is coming up for his 13th birthday.

Everyone I talk to is amazed he's lived so long, 'cause their own goldfish suffocated in their own waste at young ages Sad

mypropertea · 14/08/2016 11:39

I haven read the thread to be honest but.... Given the length of time it takes for a fish to grow to it's full size, maybe her efforts would be well spent in telling people they can't have babies unless they have a room they can live in till they are adults... Cos you know a baby boy can grow into a 6"4 man...

But, I do like the fact she seemed to have the fish's interest at heart. That's nice.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/08/2016 11:44

I quite like the look of those plastic robo fish that swim around in a tank.
Very low maintenance.Grin

A pond seems a big commitment but good luck with it if you go ahead. I personally dislike ponds because of the dangers.

I think you were treated rudely by the pet shop owner. She could have been more tactful and sympathetic to your dd who was crying.
Some animal lovers just don't seem to like people.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 14/08/2016 11:55

I'm with lostIt The woman's approach was abrupt and dismissive, which upset DD - and is also a bit unprofessional. She could have explained in a far nicer way (taking into account DD was present) that the current tank was unsuitable. The OP clearly cares about the fish; she has responded carefully to both criticisms and suggestions, and is willing to do whatever to keep the fish safe and well.

As PP said - only on Mumsnet! Grin

BlueLeopard · 14/08/2016 11:56

I'm currently fish-sitting child's pet fancy goldfish.

He was given to me in a bowl so small that I've drank cocktails out of bigger bowls. There used to be 3 in there but 2 died Hmm

As soon as I could, I went off to get the biggest tank I could afford - only a 30l, but at least it's about 28l more than what the poor fish currently had. It's also got a filter system and sprays water and he loves the bubbles. He;s so much more playful now. The poor guy could barely turn around in the bowl he had.

As soon as the child comes home from holidays, I'll chat to them about proper fish keeping, and suggest that they put it in their dad's pond - ensuring that its the right environment first. But at least the tank I bought will help for a while.

I'd suggest a tropical tank over goldfish any day - literally all you need extra is the heater and filter and you have so much more scope to put in little shoals of gorgeous playful fish.

bettyswalls · 14/08/2016 12:00

Re: tropical tanks.. my uncle had a massive tropical aquarium once. The heating system malfunctioned when my nan was looking after it. She came home to the smell of cooking fish, apparently it was dreadful.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 14/08/2016 12:37

wtfdidijustwatch and itshouldhavebeenjess - and?! It's a living animal, I take it you'd be up in arms if it was a cat or a dog kept in a crate all day though. Hmm

The level of ignorance surrounding fish keeping is depressing.

I'm surprised the 'flush it down the toilet' suggestion hasn't popped up yet...

Mcchickenbb41 · 14/08/2016 12:42

When we brought dd a fish tank a few years ago we were told very seriously the tank would home one and a half goldfish. I'm not joking. We were really told that. Normally dh and I are quite quick witted but even we were speechless. I did manage to ask if they sold them in halves and if they did would it be half the price. I was also met with a cats bum face Grin

Babyzoo · 14/08/2016 13:04

Well this has been an education.

To be honest it does say clearly on the RSPCA that goldfish need at least 60 litres of water each.

Definitely worth doing more research before buying any pet.

Oysterbabe · 14/08/2016 13:06

I did manage to ask if they sold them in halves
Don't be silly. You have to buy a whole one and a pair of scissors.

Babyzoo · 14/08/2016 13:07

Jeffrey I bet you thought a goldfish would be a straightforward low maintenance pet!

I reckon this is going to be great for your dc though.

Pimmmms · 14/08/2016 13:29

Jeff, whereabout are you? I will soon have a plastic pond that will be needing a new home. Or, if you want, have a lake the goldfish could go into, but tbh not sure they'd survive for too long as the heron is always camped out here fishing for roach etc, the mahoosive gold fish that arrived with the floods seems to be too big for him though.

SistersOfPercy · 14/08/2016 14:10

I was also going to suggest a Siamese. Beautiful fish anyway, and one would be happy in a 30 litre. You could probably put some shrimp in there too which are fascinating to watch.

Siamese are an interactive fish, they can be trained to some extent, come when called to the top of the tank, can be taught to jump, hand feed. Very clever little fishes and also quite beautiful You would need a small heater but that wouldn't be expensive. Just make sure the air flow from the pump isn't too strong as they prefer still waters.

This is mine, he's called Seuss.

AIBU for hating this lady for making me feel...
Original poster
JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 14/08/2016 15:19

Thanks again everyone. Yes, I did think goldfish were low maintenance - now I know! I think once we sort out this pond that may be the end of our fishy experiences. We already have two cats as well as the two fish so I think we have enough going on for a while Wink.

I do think that tanks should have a guide on them, clearly at the front, to show what types of fish or sizes at least are compatible. The smaller tanks in our PAH only go up to £20 and the fish was £6 so they aren't really raking it in on them. They'd do better selling a larger tank and several fish and keeping the stock down to stop disease, surely? Then you'd have happy fish and more money for the shop. I suppose more people buy them if they are cheap and take up less space though Sad

OP posts:
DontOpenDeadInside · 14/08/2016 15:41

Thing is, you buy a small tank and a couple of fish, they die. Ok must be bad stock so you buy a couple more. They get sick so you go to the store and buy meds etc. Maybe they die then you do a bit of research then go and buy a bigger tank plus fish and accessories etc. They are getting a lot more money than you buying the correct equipment to start with. (Or do as my friend does and continues buying fish and killing them within a few weeks even though I've given her all the advice she needs)

WillWorkForMoney · 14/08/2016 15:44

Also if P@H told people they needed to cycle their new tanks for 3-4 weeks before putting fish in, a lot of people would do as you did and go elsewhere so they are not always correct in their advice. They tell you to just leave the filter running for 3 days before adding fish. Thus does nothing at all to the water except moves it about. You need to add ammonia for the bacterial cycle to start.

Original poster
JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 14/08/2016 15:47

When they sell you the fish though, they should be ensuring it is big enough. After this thread I am also concerned that the other two (well respected) pet shops had said to me a 30l tank was completely fine! They weren't trying to sell me a tank (the expensive part) and one of them knew he had no goldfish and wasn't going to make any money anyway!

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 14/08/2016 15:50

This thread has been an education. Well done OP for taking some unpleasant flak when your intentions were clearly good. A pond project sounds ace! Good luck.

Original poster
JeffreyNeedsAHobby · 14/08/2016 15:51

Willwork - we got a bottle of Goldfish Protect and Goldfish Aquarium Cleaner which we were told would sort out the water in a couple of hours with the pump going... The protect was something I had read about which removes the chlorine and detoxifies ammonia. The guy didn't actually mention that but agreed with me when I picked it up that it would be good.

It's funny isn't it how you imagine large chains must have to comply with so many animal welfare laws. I know about puppy farms etc, but just would never have imagined such a large chain could have such poor training and varied standards.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 14/08/2016 15:57

I did loads of research before we got our tropical tank.

I then went to buy fish and got crap advice from 3 different aquarium shops (not generic pet shops, but ones specialising in fish).

They hadn't heard of Fishless Cycling - as you say OP, they want to sell the expensive kit 9the tank), and they know most people don't want a huge tank but want to have loads of pretty fish in there. Fish welfare comes last with lots of them

There are some great websites, as others have said

GlindatheFairy · 14/08/2016 16:03

Perhaps you could get some fish that stay tiny and rehome the goldfish.

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