To be angry that MIL may have indoctrinated my child?

[FruitCider]

I've been away for just under a week volunteering abroad and got home this morning. My mother in law (reverend) has been to stay with my partner whilst I went away. I'm completely atheist, partner is agnostic. MIL tried to give me a nativity set at Christmas for DD and a book full of bible stories, I declined and said I didn't want my daughter exposed to religion by people with a bias to a particular religion until she was 7/8.

I've come home today and my 3.5yo DD is continuously talking about Jesus, how God made the planet and told me I should thank god that my journey was safe. My partner says MIL had not mentioned religion when he was at home but he had to leave DD with MIL on Tuesday and Thursday whilst he went to work.

I'm absolutely RAGING! AIBU to be this angry? I literally want to banish MIL from my house and tell her she is not allowed contact with my DD for the foreseeable future.

Also is my DD likely to forget about God as she grows up if it's not mentioned again? Or is she now indoctrinated forever?

Sorry to those who may find this post offensive, I just wanted my DD to make her own mind up when she was old enough to understand that religion is a belief and there is no firm evidence for a God. She could have decided herself to be a Christian and I would have accepted that.

It's never been pushed at home, they've been discussed in a "some people believe, what do you believe?" way and neither have chosen to believe.

Mine have never been presented as fact at home, in fact we have always said that some people believe santa is the mums and dads, and some people don't do santa at all and they've chosen to believe in santa..

.. this is kinda a moot point because my post about santa was in relation to the OP saying that the child should be shielded from opinion until 7/8 because at that age something suddenly changes…

rather than just having rational discussions with the child from the off

I am not religious. I let my children decide what they want. But how do you get on at Christmas? I take it you do not celebrate it. I have always told my boys why we celebrate Christmas. The birth of Jesus. I can't see how you can not explain really. But I'd probably be annoyed at someone trying force religion on my children.

Oh dear opIs this your first child you are discussing?

This is my first and ONLY child I am discussing.

DD knows Christmas is a time for the family to get together and do nice things for each other. There is no evidence Jesus was born in a manger on 25/12 so why mention it?

What on earth are you going to do when your child gets to school and worse, starts socialising? You can't micro manage everything. You are being ridiculous!!

Does this child ever watch tv or films?

it sounds like bible stories are the least of your problems- as many have said, it's easy enough to tell your dd 'grandma thinks this, others think that, etc'
I think I would just not allow her to be alone with your dd and if she asks why, say you can't trust her- make sure your dp understands and agrees too. But really the racism and homophobia are far more poisonous because there you can't just say 'grandma thinks this...'
FWIW my DM and (late) DF bith very devout and had no problems respecting our views wrt to the children (we are humanists)- they would sometimes say grace and often went to church (without us of course) - not a problem. At least if it was a problem to them they didn't say so.

What does your dd's father think of all this?

I am atheist, brought up in a Christian household and I know the bible better than my Mum (who is a very active member of the church) after having them shoved down my neck at every opportunity - girl guides/camp/girls brigade etc. Just because shes been told these things by your MIL doesn't mean she will go on to believe them. DS aged 5 knows a lot of "Nanny's stories" and can choose whether he believes them or not. We are going to give him all the options and let him choose. It's only fair. Age 7/8 is too old I think, she's absolutely 100% going to hear about God/Jesus before then. Especially with a Reverend for a Grandmother... I think you were unrealistic not to realise this.

I'm atheist but celebrate at Christmas. Not the birth of Christ, but uphold a centuries old tradition of a mid winter feast and celebration of light in darkness. The idea that you can't have a winter celebrating without explaining the nativity myth is bizarre IMO. I also happen to love Christmas food. I also partake of pagan Easter eggs. And eid sweets. And hannukah donuts. Food is delicious.

To believe in God is far more rational than not to believe imo. Nothing can explain how non-living chemicals could somehow self assemble into the first living cell. The odds of it happening by chance are so high as to be impossible. We, as humans have six feet of DNA inside every one of our body's one hundred trillion cells which contains a four letter chemical that spells out precise assembly instructions for all the proteins from which our bodies are made. When we find a sequential arrangement that's complex and corresponds to an independent pattern or function(books, DNA, computer code) this kind of information implies an intelligent source. There's no getting away from it.

DanceTillDawn you should read The Wedge Document. Intelligent design was made up by Christian schools in the US to try and get creationism taught as science

I'm atheist but celebrate at Christmas. Not the birth of Christ, but uphold a centuries old tradition of a mid winter feast and celebration of light in darkness. The idea that you can't have a winter celebrating without explaining the nativity myth is bizarre IMO. I also happen to love Christmas food. I also partake of pagan Easter eggs. And eid sweets. And hannukah donuts. Food is delicious

Likewise. It's brilliant. No queens speech, no fat bloke in a red suit, no baby in a manger, no massive wish lists.

Missing the point entirely but wow you have taken your 3yo to all of these religious places and got into deep and meaningful conversations about religion?! My 4yo is pretty much only interested in discussing the latest episode of paw patrol! 3 seems very young to be addressing these sorts of issues! I echo everyone else who says just simply say " this is what Granny believes, people believe different things, you'll make up your own mind when your older.... Now what do you want for tea?"

Once they are at school they get taught about all religions. Mine have come home having celebrated the festival of light, Chinese New Year etc. It is in the curriculum to teach it at primary age.

dancetilldawn

Just no. Don't even go there.

There are scientists who believe in God, but "Intelligent Design" and Creationism is just crap and unscientific.

I'd advise you to ready any book by Stephen J. Gould. He'll show you there's no such thing as clockwork or perfection in nature.

But happy to discuss this on another thread.

You want your child to make up her own mind but how can she do that if she only has atheist views from you, surely by her grandma telling her about Jesus she can then decide which way she wants to believe. It sounds like you would be annoyed if she grew up to believe in a faith which she may well do no matter how hard you try to shield her from it

I wouldn't worry too much about this being your daughter's life-long view on God,religion etc. I can remember when I was about 6 or 7 having it drummed into me at school about God creating the world,that everything that happened was according to God's will etc but by the time I was in my teens,I was seriously questioning it all. Now at the age of 52,I am a confirmed atheist,mainly as a result of seeing how much trouble religion can cause in the world.

Once they are at school they get taught about all religions. Mine have come home having celebrated the festival of light, Chinese New Year etc. It is in the curriculum to teach it at primary age

Actually, the first experience will be religious participation (hymns, prayers, grace etc). There's no depth of religious education (or it even being put across as a choice) in the early years.

You should not worry and if you truly want your daughter to make up her own mind then you have to let her be exposed to all ideas about religion. I am an atheist but went to CofE school, Sunday school and a Methodist youth club in my childhood. I look back and I think it was comforting as a young child to believe in Jesus. And of course if you tell your child to believe in Father Christmas, then really in the same way that children naturally realise Father Christmas - I think they should be allowed to naturally come to the conclusion that God is also a myth.

I think if you push Atheism from the get go you are preventing your child's freedom to choose. I would be more relaxed about it

Yanbu at all, I would be livid if I was in your shoes. I too am atheist and naively thought unless I put her in the position of being exposed to imaginary deities then it wouldn't arise, until one day she came home from school and told me that god loves us. This happened as a result of a school assembly that is taken by a local vicar as part of the government's misguided compulsory worship in state schools. This resulted in me having a conversation with her that I didn't want to have, where I said some people believe in God's and some don't, I told her I didn't and we talked about why. She is now 8 and this happened a couple of years ago, I am confident that I am raising a child full of logic and reason who doesn't believe in woo. Not long ago she told me Jesus didn't exist because the bible said he came back from the dead which would make him a zombie, and zombies don't exist. I was very proud of her 😀

I too think you come across as anti-Christian rather then atheist...

becci but if you want the OP to present a rounded view of superstition and nonsense, it isn't just atheism and Christianity, she also has to fit in the other major world religions, as well as Norse gods, Graeco-Roman gods, Egyptian gods, Incan ones, Aztec (throw in a little human sacrifice to make sure she remains properly open minded), Minoan gods, the gods of all indigenous tribes and First Nations people, paganism, Wiccan.... Oh, I'm sure I've missed hundreds!

It's funny, when people say "oh as an atheist you need to teach them about god to be balanced" I've never found they mean Thor or Isis.

sarah - same point, exposing her DD to "all ideas about religion" is a huge task. Woukdnt leave much time for anything else.

Or do you just mean the god you were taught to believe in?

I am assuming that both you and your husband have made it clear in the past to your MIL what your views on religion are when it comes to bringing up your daughter. If that is the case, then she was very wrong to go against both of your wishes, but whilst I understand that in the heat of the moment you probably want to rage against her, I personally would simply sit down with her over a cup of tea. Explain that you appreciate her help with your daughter, but say that it upset you to come home to find her speaking about God, and you would like her to understand how important the issue is to you.

OP, I assume you already know this glorious masterpiece. If you do, enjoy it again. If not, you're in for a real treat!

(It's "thank you god" by Tim Minchin)