To be angry that MIL may have indoctrinated my child?

[FruitCider]

I've been away for just under a week volunteering abroad and got home this morning. My mother in law (reverend) has been to stay with my partner whilst I went away. I'm completely atheist, partner is agnostic. MIL tried to give me a nativity set at Christmas for DD and a book full of bible stories, I declined and said I didn't want my daughter exposed to religion by people with a bias to a particular religion until she was 7/8.

I've come home today and my 3.5yo DD is continuously talking about Jesus, how God made the planet and told me I should thank god that my journey was safe. My partner says MIL had not mentioned religion when he was at home but he had to leave DD with MIL on Tuesday and Thursday whilst he went to work.

I'm absolutely RAGING! AIBU to be this angry? I literally want to banish MIL from my house and tell her she is not allowed contact with my DD for the foreseeable future.

Also is my DD likely to forget about God as she grows up if it's not mentioned again? Or is she now indoctrinated forever?

Sorry to those who may find this post offensive, I just wanted my DD to make her own mind up when she was old enough to understand that religion is a belief and there is no firm evidence for a God. She could have decided herself to be a Christian and I would have accepted that.

What's going to magically happen when she's '7/8' then?

"Hermione If its not wrong then it should be equally not wrong to say as in ops mil, that God exists. Fair enough if people don't believe, but what right has a parent to say God is imaginary. Surely that is for the child to decide when he/she is older. Nobody can say with absolute certainty that God does not exist, therefore it's wrong to pass this belief on their child, especially if that child is growing up in a Christian country.

I'd be equally fuming like the op if someone said to my child that God is imaginary."

Well I wouldn't tell your child that your god is imaginary because it's not my place to, but saying that the arguments for and against existence of god/gods are equal is just nonsense. There is absolutely no evidence for anything supernatural, nothing that requires the presence of the divine to explain it. Nothing, zilch, zip, nada. Now you believe in a god, and that's your prerogative , but to say that your stance that you believe just because you believe is as weighty as the total lack of evidence for your god really is skewed.

YABU to expect your mil to not mention anything to do with religion/god /etc. As a religious person myself, I would be put out of I was asked not to say blessings and grace and talk the way I normally do. Kids ask questions, even if she wasn't lecturing about creation, your dd sees her granny saying grace before she eats:
-What are you doing?
-saying thank you to god for my food.
-but we got the food from Asda, not from god
-the carrots grew in the field, the beef came from a cow, which ate grass, because of the sun and rain
-why did the rain know to water the field?
-god sent it

Or whatever.

And in my personal situation, we're orthodox Jewish, while my mil is devout Christian (and we have different degrees of various other religions mixed into our family). We always just say that "some people believe..."

"Why did the rain water the field?"

"Because......god" has got to be the laziest explanation ever.

My son came home talking about 'the God' after my Buddhist dad had looked after him for the day. He also started talking about Nan going to sleep and going to heaven when DH explained MIL dying to him. I was annoyed about the sleep bit because it can frighten children. But regarding God and heaven I said "well some people believe that and others have different beliefs". That was four years ago and he is starting to make his own mind up at age 8.
In some ways I think it's good for children to see that people have different beliefs and these can co-exist if we respect each other.

What's going to magically happen when she's '7/8' then?

She will lose belief in the tooth fairy and Santa and will be able to distinguish what is merely a story and what is not. Most people with faith are indoctrinated by others before this age, when they are unable to differentiate.

DC have lost 2 great grandparents and various "pets" (snails and the like) in their relatively short lives. We've never used heaven during any explanation, even at 3 and 5.

My 8 yo absolutely believes in Santa/tooth fairy, FGS 7/8 is prime tooth fairy age. You're itinerary for your child's understanding and capabilities is very odd/unrealistic, and FAR too rigid.

She has understood since about 4 that some people believe in God and some don't (and some families write to santa and some don't)

I definitely was NOT gang raped in Calais. I was offered half of someone's only meal of the day, offered shisha, offered the only seat around. I was treated with nothing but kindness. Shame MIL won't listen to THAT.

Sorry, that point is OT anyway!

My 8 yo absolutely believes in Santa/tooth fairy, FGS 7/8 is prime tooth fairy age. Your itinerary for your child's understanding and capabilities is very odd/unrealistic, and FAR too rigid.

She has understood since about 4 that some people believe in God and some don't (and some families write to santa and some don't)

My 8 yo absolutely believes in Santa/tooth fairy, FGS 7/8 is prime tooth fairy age. Your itinerary for your child's understanding and capabilities is very odd/unrealistic, and FAR too rigid.

She has understood since about 4 that some people believe in God and some don't (and some families write to santa and some don't)

And are you going to put your child in an hermetically sealed box until she is 8? Accept your child will be exposed to lots of things and will need to make up her own mind. Having a grandparent in the clergy is bound to expose you child to God. It sounds like you have wider issues with your MIL. Refunding a nativity scene at Christmas? Really? I suspect it's your hardline views which will do the most damage in the long run. Extemist, unwavering atheism is as damaging to a child's development as any other extremism. Your child is exploring the world with interest and wonder - maybe try exploring it with them

My 8 yo absolutely believes in Santa/tooth fairy, FGS 7/8 is prime tooth fairy age

Neither of my children have ever believed in Santa or the tooth fairy. One is 7, the other 5. Both have lost teeth. Both have had xmases. Neither believes (despite the best efforts of teachers, grandparents, random strangers and popular TV ). It's never been pushed at home, they've been discussed in a "some people believe, what do you believe?" way and neither have chosen to believe.

I would be pissed off too. But hardly surprising if she's a reverend. My gd (5) attended a 'fun week ' at my local church last week. We aren't religious & she talked about & asked about Jesus & god afterwards. She knows I don't believe (atheist) and I'm sure she'll receive RE at school.
Surely if your husband is agnostic you can can take comfort from the fact it was dangled in his face all (?) of his life and hasn't been indoctrinated?

I would speak to your dh & have a conversation with mil together. Maybe don't allow your kid to be alone with mil without one of you being there in future 💐

Yanbu at all. It's a shame that religious beliefs are so privileged (whilst religious people cry that they are so discriminated against).
I'm fine with the dc hearing lots of views and making up their own minds, but not with people presenting their own beliefs as absolute fact without noting that a lot of people think it's baseless rubbish. I tell the dc that I am convinced there is no god, I also tell them a lot of other people are convinced there is one.

So your MIL can't tell her grandchild what she believes...but you can tell her that there is nothing other than what you believe in? Do you take her to see Santa or celebrate Thanksgiving or do the Easter Egg thing? What about presents at Christmastime?

I take it your childs father was raised as a Christian... does he have a say or not? Just wondering.

How utterly joyless, HeCantBeSerious

How utterly joyless, HeCantBeSerious

What makes you think that?

One of DS's friends has always been terrified of Santa. He hates the idea of anyone coming into his house, even if it is to deliver presents. He's now 7. Presumably his parents should have forced the issue? How can he possibly enjoy spending time together with his family at Xmas without a reverse burglar?

So your MIL can't tell her grandchild what she believes...but you can tell her that there is nothing other than what you believe in? Do you take her to see Santa or celebrate Thanksgiving or do the Easter Egg thing? What about presents at Christmastime?

Read the whole thread Jill...

FruitCider Why do you have such a low opinion of your child, do you have a particular reason to think she's that uncritical and believes everything that she's told?

Needing to know the imaginary from the real is something kids learn from the very start - there aren't talking pigs building houses and talking to wolves, there isn't a monster at the end of the book, it's not some epiphany that arrives when they decide santa doesn't exist (which I actually think starts from the beginning for any kid just exposed to the story), it's just a fun game like imaginary friends.

HeCantBeSerious School, TV, relatives etc. etc. haven't pushed a belief in santa on DD, who's also has always had santa in the story side of life.

FruitCider Why do you have such a low opinion of your child, do you have a particular reason to think she's that uncritical and believes everything that she's told?

When she has spent the whole telling me that Jesus died but undied and went to heaven for our sins, yes I will think that she has believed what she has been told!

Oh dear op

Is this your first child you are discussing?

When she has spent the whole telling me that Jesus died but undied and went to heaven for our sins, yes I will think that she has believed what she has been told!

So, she "believes what she's told" if the gran tells her her POV

put you don't credit her with "Believing what she's told" if you allow that but also tell her "some people believe that, some people don't, I believe in evolution, look here's a cool timeline about dinosaurs"

OP that makes no sense, if she believes what she's told then just tell her what you believe, and tell her different people believe different things - problem solved!