To be angry DP isn't starting work until September?

[peskyfeelings]

DP was offered a new job over a month ago which he accepted. He immediately handed in his notice with the company he was at. He didn't have a start date for the new job when he did this.

There has been a load of hassle over references. His last company are admittedly utterly rubbish, and the whole thing just turned into a massive, unnecessary drama.

Now he has been told by the new company that they won't be giving him a start date until the beginning of September! This means that he won't have been working or getting a wage for two months!

AIBU to be really upset about it? We had planned to book a cheap, last minute holiday for the second week in September which I was looking forward to massively. That is clearly now not going to happen. It's been an awful year to be frank. I've been off sick with crippling anxiety/ depression, and now back working at a really stressful job. We are ttc and that's causing me massive worry as well. I really just needed a break soon (we haven't been anywhere this year) and now I can't even have that. :(

He just has such an "everything will be fine" attitude about stuff. Actually it's not fine. I'm now even more stressed than I was and going to have to carry the burden of paying the majority of our outgoings until end of September. I should add I'm no high earner either, so it's going to be a struggle.

He's 23 and we have been together for nearly three years.

Of course it's OK for people not to be sorted by that age. He is pretty sorted in general though really. He's a good partner. This job thing has just shaken me. I suppose I feel angry for him as much as anything. I'm sick of seeing employers mess him around. He just wants to start the job!

But it is starting in a couple of weeks.

I know it's your anxiety but really, if you're OK with the potential problems of starting a relationship with a 20 year old kid, then a few weeks' financial struggle shouldn't bother you that much. And I'm not being smart when I say that. Just, there's a bigger picture that you're fine with so don't sweat such a small thing.

I am a 22 year old with a mortgage, two kids and almost a husband so I don't believe it's too young to be organised or responsible. My 24 year old fiancé didn't have his crap together when we met but I was a single mum to one and he grew up quickly. My issue is your posts really don't sound like you like him at all, let alone love him enough to have a baby. The fact that you begrudge taking him on holiday when all he's done is make a mistake is just mean spirited. He is obviously trying his hardest and if it's not to your standards then you shouldn't be planning on having a child together.

Don't like him very much? I love him very much, and I have said as much several times on this thread.

I don't resent working for the flat. I think it's great we have a rent free place to live in London.

I don't begrudge him a holiday, but I'm not going to pay for us both out of the tax rebate when it's money we need to save. I'm not really going to go away alone. I'm putting the money into joint savings and account as I'd always planned.

Yes, I can pay the bills alone for the next month. It will leave me very stretched though. Something I'm not too thrilled about after being on sick pay for seven months.

Rather taken aback by people telling me I shouldn't have a baby because I'm not rich with sparkling mental health. The human race would die out if everyone stuck to some of the advice I'm getting.

I'll repeat again. I love my DP. I couldn't imagine my life without him. He makes it worth living.

I'm just pissed off right now. Rightly or wrongly. Has nobody else on this thread ever been unreasonably pissed off. I'm totally prepared to accept I'm bu. I don't appreciate people telling me I don't like my DP though. It's utterly untrue in every way.

Also regarding holidays. I have taken him away in the past for birthdays and spent extravagant amounts I don't have doing so. Hardly the actions of a partner who doesn't care!

You're allowed to be pissed off but AIBU is not the place to be if you're not happy to be told YABU.
If you're happy to continue as TTC I would try and think of these few weeks as a break for him before he is slogging away while you're on maternity leave and maybe use the break as a last hurrah before the baby comes but I would definitely take him along to avoid resentment.

It has nothing to do with being rich or in good health.

Your other posts said you were suicidal a few months ago and although you have returned to work plan to give your notice in and claim benefits. Add to that a barely there relationship where the DP is pressured into children (if he said no it's very obvious you would walk away), where you can't even afford rent or a months break in salary and I don't think there's one person who would say TTC would be a good move right now.

Your obsession with having a baby is clearing stopping you from seeing all the problems and goodness knows what the stress of no sleep, no money and possible being a single parent would cause.

I'm happy to be told IABU. I accept I probably am being.

I'm not happy to be told I shouldn't have a baby because I'm a bit poor and have some MH issues. It's just unkind.

I won't be going on a break. As I've said, I will be putting the tax money into savings for us both. Thank you though. :

I didn't hand my notice in Dragons I wrote that post after an especially horrible day at work and then I pulled myself together.

I'm not going to continue justifying myself to you though. It's pretty clear that you'd only be happy with me saying I will end my relationship and give up on my every hope and dream for the future.

I've accepted IBU over the job. I don't have to justify my whole life plan to you into the bargain.

Jesus Christ. I'M NOT GOING ON THE HOLIDAY ALONE. I've said that at least three times now.

I will repeat AGAIN that I am putting the tax money into savings for myself AND my DP. I am not spending a penny on myself. I wouldn't dream of really going away without him. I'd be miserable.

I am entitled to enhanced maternity leave through my job. I am also planning on saving as much as possible from now on now that I am back at work. Hence putting my tax rebate into savings.

The holiday we had planned was only going to be a book last minute cheap deal. Nothing extravagant, but we both could really use a break.

I am sure I could manage the voluntary job whilst on maternity. The woman who held the post before me was in this flat for five years and had a baby in that time. It's a very flexible role and they will want to keep me because I'm bloody good at it if I say so myself.

We have DPs family for childcare.

Obviously it's not an ideal situation, but what else should I do? Resign myself to childlessness? DP wants children too. He'd be unhappy as well if we never had them.

The long term plan really is to move back to the north east where I'm from. Rents are peanuts, my family/friends are there. I want to foster children at some point too. That wouldn't be an option here. We'd be crippled just to pay for a one bedroom flat!

I don't know about ecitalopram but you can certainly take citalopram and sertraline. I think sertraline is generally the favoured AD in pregnancy but if ecitalopram has been working for you, I really think you should stick with it. I've seen women on antipsychotics and lithium in pregnancy because they're deemed to need them and I think going by what you've said you need to stay on them. Having untreated MH problems whilst having a baby is no fun.

I'm also wondering how you will afford your flat if you do have a baby and go on maternity leave. I can't imagine a voluntary job would let you carry on living there rent free whilst you're not working for them, unless you're planning on carrying on once you've had the baby. But your situation would worry me - what if you ever needed to take time off sick from that role too, could you be potentially kicked out? Do they know you're planning on having a baby? As a volunteer you don't really have any rights, although I'm assuming you must have some sort of tenancy contract. I wonder if having a baby in London is a good idea for you.

I don't mean to get aggressive, but I've said several times what my real plans are for the money.

Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh. I'm just not happy at the turn this thread has taken. It's gone from "YABU about the job" (fair enough) to me basically being told I have to right to a child or a relationship because I'm a bit poor and have some MH issues.

I was made redundant earlier this year and I had a choice - take a job that started immediately or wait for a month and a bit for a job that was a better opportunity (and has turned out the job of my dreams).

DP was nothing but supportive, encouraged me to do something I enjoy rather than just for the money, even though it meant that we didn't get to do a few things we wanted to do. I don't think I would have got through it without that support. Your partner probably isn't happy with the situation either so just cut a bit of slack.

And we had to pay rent too!

YABU

Also, conceiving your own child isn't the only way to have one!

I tried sertraline GoldenWorld It made me absolutely suicidal. I cried every day I was on it. Even the memory makes me shudder. I am seeing my GP Wednesday, so I will discuss it with her then. Hopefully we can find a way forward.

My voluntary role is basically visiting people in their homes and I set my own hours etc. I think it would be workable. They are very flexible in general, and I really don't think they would throw me out. They let one person just stay here for six months after they decided the job wasn't for them.

I'm not sure about staying in London either in the long term. It's so hard though. I've been here five years and it's my home now. I suppose I know that if I leave there will be no coming back. It makes me want to cling on until the bitter end!

I think I must have missed something but I don't understand why you were able to be off sick from your paid job while continuing to perform your voluntary role.

Sorry op I think I was reading more into your posts than you wrote. When you said you didn't like paying the bills over August due to him not working. I read that as you thinking he was selfish - my mistake. I apologise.

I am not willing to be told I am a selfish, baby hungry manipulator who (according to some here) has no right to the things everyone deserves

I don't think anyone has said these things. Just that your situation doesn't sound like an ideal situation to ttc in.
Don't get me wrong there is no ideal ttc situation but there's a few things about your posts that sound like having a baby could be quite challenging.

Wow, a lot to think about, OP. First off, it sounds like you are mostly sensible with money and as long as his job kicks in, you will be OK in the near future. How about giving yourself until December (for example). Factor in any upcoming big expenses and decide with your partner where you both want to be; paid off debts/savings etc. When you start to see that plan working, it should help your anxiety in that area. As a bonus, you could agree a joint amount to spend on a holiday - grab some winter sun in the Canaries or similar. Consider it your TTC holiday where relaxation is your only focus.

In the meantime, can you afford a few days off? There is loads to do in London and the southeast this time of year, so plan a staycation or grab a cheap B&B on the coast and enjoy the beach. That way, you get a change of scenery and you both recharge your batteries.

Am I remembering correctly that you have horses, OP? They must be hugely expensive to keep - if you and your partner are strapped for cash and you are TTC, can any savings be made there? Not trying to be insensitive - I do get that animals are like part of the family and can't just be got rid of, but horses must cost a fortune in upkeep.

Sorry if I've got you mixed up with a different poster!