Last night I passed out drunk in my garden and threw up in my daughters potty.

[StrongTeaHotShower]

I'm really scared I might be developing a problem. I'm getting so drunk at least 2-3 times a week and on the days in between I'm still drinking, just not to excess.

The problem is I don't want to stop drinking completely, just to be able to regulate my intake.

I called AA and might try to go to a meeting next week but I know they encourage zero alcohol and honestly I can't imagine life without it. Can people just learn to cut down without giving it up completely?

I wondered why you said a whole bottle of wine would floor you, when you're having a few glasses of wine every night anyway. How much do you drink when it's a 'good' night and how much did you drink last night, do you think?

Becky that's so sad. I'm sorry to you and everyone who has posted their experience as a child of an alcoholic.
I find it so hard to seek myself in these stories but it doesn't seem difficult for other posters to draw comparisons.

Last night I had 2 cans of lagers half a bottle of rosé, a strong 'craft' cider and some red wine. Not sure how much red as I don't remember drinking it but found some spilt under the dinner table this morning.
I'd also taken quite a few mgs of codeine in the early afternoon (headache, not another problem) which interact badly with alcohol.

strong. I'm crap at links but there is a thing called the 'circle of addiction'. - Google it and you may be able to recognise yourself on it. I think you're probably at the 'can't do this any more but don't want to stop' stage. I would never diagnose alcoholism in others; only you can recognise if you have a problem, and from your OP, I think you probably have done so. Try AA, and remember there are many other groups out there if it doesn't work for you.

Sorry, 'cycle' of addiction.

Reading back my list I must be missing some out because that amount wouldn't get me in that state. Better to say I don't know how much I drank.

OP do you now accept that you are an alcoholic? Please think of your child and the effect on her life of having an alcoholic mother. You stopped for her wellbeing when you were pregnant and while you were breastfeeding. You must stop for her wellbeing, as well as your own, NOW.

No, I'm absolutely sure I have an unhealthy relationship with drink but I don't think im truly an alcoholic. Im going to try AA and see.

'He drinks too but doesn't pass out and vomit etc. I've ironically posted on here worrying about his drinking but he seems to handle it better than me at home.'

The usual MN to that would be LTB so YUBVU and HE should LTB, oh and FWIW yes you are an alcoholic you're just in denial about it

Im the now adult daughter of a life long alcoholic, i lvoe my mum but im past caring now what she does to herself.

My whole child hood revolved around drink and drunkness and her almost dying from it. Shes done 4 rehab programmes and always things she can just have one or two and be fine... She still drinks to the point she cant have unsupervised access to her grandchildren.

Dont let your daughter have the childhood i and many others have had, its an illness but so cruel to those who love you.

But you did say a bottle would floor you. You had more than a bottle last night. Have you found you've been drinking more recently?

Here's something great I heard on Dr Phil in relation to addictions:

One is where the person has a free choice.
The other is where the person has no choice (addiction).

Is the behaviour:
A. An impulse not resisted?
or
B. An irresistible impulse?

Can you tonight, discover which of these the drinking is for you?
Notice the impulse to have a drink. Try not to judge it, or ignore it, or act on it or whatever...just Notice when it happens and what you do next. Just say to yourself - yes, there it is, I can feel it now. If you don't notice the impulse and just find a glass in your hand, notice that also.
Then try to notice do you resist the impulse or is it possible or impossible for you to resist the impulse to drink. Just out of interest for yourself, notice what happens to your body and mind when you feel the impulse and don't act on it.
Then notice the things do you say to yourself to encourage yourself to take the first drink. If you can't notice what your mind tells you at that point, notice that you are not noticing that.

Hi OP, I quit 5 years ago with the help of this book:

www.amazon.co.uk/Easy-Control-Alcohol-Allen-Carr/dp/1848374658

I had a problem but wasn't actually a full-blown alcoholic. I found it very easy to quit and am really enjoying sobriety.

I understand the panic you feel at never drinking again but trust me - it is MUCH easier to quit completely than it is to become a moderate drinker.

Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you want to chat to someone who has been there.

I wouldn't worry too much about terms and semantics regarding addiction. You know you have a problematic relationship with alcohol and you intend to seek help. I don't think insisting people describe themselves as an alcoholic is particularly helpful during the very difficult period of realising you may be addicted.

I think with this whole 'alcoholic' label it is pretty meaningless. According to many it can be anything from depending on your daily glass of wine to help you unwind (which you can go without if needed anyway) to being constantly drunk to the extent to if you stopped it would kill you. Quite clearly they aren't the same thing and not everyone gets worse and worse.

I think OP in truth everyone who drinks regularly have to be aware of what they are doing. Drinking more when you already drink too much is clearly a step in the wrong direction and an indication that things are taking a step to the next level and are out of control. If I was vomiting after drinking with dp at home that would worry me a lot. You need to sort it out.

I think also there are people who when they start drinking can't stop. I'm not one of those thankfully but it sounds like you might be?

If you can't regulate your intake and can't imagine living your life without alcohol then I'm sorry but you are an alcoholic. You should get help from AA or somewhere. You can't possibly want your DD growing up thinking that it's normal to drink every day?

Oh poor dear OP, this is so awful for you. I could tell you some really awful stories about alcoholism - my aunt died very heavily dependant on drink and my sister is very heavily dependant on drink and is currently in that very selfish, self-involved stage where she doesn't realise that we can all see that all her actions are motivated by how to get the next drink, regardless of the toll it takes on her family, most especially her young children.

But instead let me tell you some really great stories about alcoholism. My mother drank and it helped almost destroy her life - but now she has been in AA for 21 years - an amazing achievement that fills me with love, pride and respect for her. Her life is great, she is gorgeous, glamorous, has a great social life, tons of friends and acquaintances through her many interests and hobbies, is in great health, has good relationships with her children and grandchildren. She says the ones in AA are brilliant and hilarious - a lot of very funny, clever people have been to the dark side of alcohol and many of the ones who have survived to tell the tale are in AA supporting one another and becoming life long friends and supports.

You will be able to leave the shame behind you forever.

You will never have to wake up with the shakes and a horrible of sense of what the fuck did I do last night again.

Where you see a trap of no alcohol there is in fact life-long freedom.

Where you think what the fuck will I do with myself when I don't drink? there is a whole world of interesting activities, travels, studies, hobbies, books to read, people to meet that do NOT involve alcohol.

Alcoholics self-select, i.e. My sister currently thinks that 'all the fun people drink' - actually, that may have been true in our twenties, but now it's just a smaller and smaller group of slightly angry, dysfunctional, fellow drunks hanging out with her. Most of the fun people are off doing fun, interesting things and exploring their lives outside of getting wasted.

Go for it! Set yourself free! As you have probably worked out, I am someone who has teetered on the edge of dangerous drinking - I come from a culture where heavy, routine drinking is the norm across all social classes. I started to back away from it while young and also married someone from a culture that does not see routine, heavy drinking as the only way to have fun. The indescribable lightness, happiness and fun of living a life not centred around drink, where in every social interaction you're not spending most of the time thinking 'I wonder if I can suggest a drink yet' or ' is it too soon to top up glass/get another round in' followed by 'do they all think I have a problem' is almost impossible to describe. But a better, happier, freer life with no shame, self-hatred, self-doubt or regret is waiting for you at that AA meeting, or via whatever way you are able to treat your drinking dependency - GO ON! GO FOR IT! Be the mum whose daughter is here in fifteen years singing your praises.

In the meantime, for you, it's not easy.

nicebit. Fantastic post!

I'm from a high functioning, drinking family. In my parents house drink o clock is 6pm. Nice wine with every supper. Bottles are given and exchanged as the default gift. I never considered the impact of controlled daily drinking around dd. On this note my intentions to not drink will be contested by most members of the family as they do not know the extent of my solo drinking. It's going to be hardest around them.

strong. This will be difficult, but if they love you, they will support you. If they choose to continue drinking in your presence despite your asking for support, then you will understand how powerful the lure of booze can be for some individuals, to the extent that they would put a family member at risk because of their desire to drink.

In the UK, we live in a culture where drinking is 'the norm'; and I have often felt envious of people who claim to have a 'healthy' relationship with alcohol. But remember, we don't know what goes on behind closed doors - how do you know some of your social circle have equal concerns about their alcohol consumption, but are too afraid to admit it?

Okay OP, people are saying 'so your liver health is ALL you're worried about?', but I think this could be an important springboard to quitting drinking for you, so let's look at it from the physical damage perspective.

Say you went for LFTs this coming Monday. Your enzymes and inflammation markers would be all over the place, as you binged last night and your liver would still be coping with the aftermath of that. So you go for a retest in maybe 12 weeks, during which time you've abstained from alcohol, and your enzyme levels are no longer elevated, but within normal range.

Good news, right? Not necessarily. Sometimes your liver can be significantly, irreversibly damaged, and your bloodwork will still come back completely normal. It's relatively unusual, but by no means rare. Liver disease, even when it's progressed to cirrhosis, is mostly silent. Your liver is still managing - just - to function. Everything seems fine, maybe you're more tired than usual, a bit nauseous, you've lost some weight without trying, or your eyes look a little yellow. Eventually, you may start passing tarry black stools, vomiting blood, your abdomen will be distended with fluid (ascites) and your limbs will be puffy too. You might start losing hair. You won't be able to eat because of the ascites crushing your organs.

Those are danger signs. The liver is beginning to enter a state known as decompensation. By the time you're showing the latter symptoms I've listed, the liver is fully decompensated and failing. From here on in, you're in transplant territory, IF and only IF you can demonstrate proven sobriety for at least 6 months.

Liver disease isn't always gradual. The liver can go from compensated (functioning) to decompensated overnight, often with very few symptoms. What end stage liver disease/cirrhosis ALWAYS is, is a brutal, agonising, slow way to die. Those who receive a transplant in time are lucky, but by no means the majority. You can live for years with cirrhosis, but when the liver fails, it's curtains.

It doesn't always take much to cause alcoholic liver disease. More and more women in their 30s are being diagnosed with it, the kind of women who have a couple of glasses every evening after work. Women like a lot of MNers. You DON'T have to be the drunk on the park bench to die from liver failure.

So be frightened of liver disease, yes, if it keeps you off the booze. Use that fear. There's a very real possibility that you're entering the 10% of problem drinkers who die due to alcohol related illness. It really could be you.

I realise this sounds harsh and scary. But it certainly keeps me sober.

OP, so drinking copious amounts is what you grew up thinking is normal. Now think about your daughter becoming an alcoholic in due course. Does that not make you think and want to do something about it?

Fuck, that'll do it

This is grim reading. Yes, you are an alcoholic. It may not be obvious to you as you're living the situation but from an outside point of view from what you have written about here, you are an alcoholic. And you also mixed codeine with alcohol.

Go to the AA meeting and keep going. You will have to give up the booze entirely - an alcoholic cannot just "cut down" on booze because they never had the willpower to drink a reduced amount so one drink may send you back into a spiral again. You did it while pregnant and breastfeeding for 18 months - that in itself is a huge achievement. You can do it again. Do it for your DD and for yourself. You don't want her when she's a little older to be upset when she sees mummy passed out with drink or covered with vomit. With the right help and with you recognising that you have a serious problem with drink, then you can get out of this hole.