To think that when you're using play equipment in the park it's rude for parents to stand next to you waiting for you to finish

[Qedwai]

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who hates this or if I'm being unreasonable.

When I'm in the park with my Sons and we want to go on something we play on something else until it's free and then quickly go on it once it becomes available. We don't stand right next to the parent and child waiting for them to get off! If we know something is really popular we will only stay on 5 mins so that everyone gets a chance to play.

One thing I've noticed consistently, is that there are a small number of parents who will stand right next to you with their child, literally waiting for you to get off the equipment. In the process, making you feel rushed and uncomfortable. Especially if they make a big deal of the fact they are waiting by saying stuff like 'won't be long now and you can go on once this boy has got off'.

Today I was in a large, fairly busy park and I put my Son in the swing. I had only just put him in when a woman went right behind me and said to her daughter 'we will go on once this boy has finished' she then proceeded to stand still, right next to me, with a grumpy face until we took our Son out of the swing'.

It's something I would never ever do. I think it's rude and unnecessary. Standing nearby is different but right next to the person is rude.

If a park is so busy it's necessary to queue for things I suppose that's different, but i'm not talking about parks like that. Just normal parks.

I know I probably am being a bit unreasonable but it's happened a few times now, and it's really getting on my nerves.

Pearlman If you are getting offended by someone reassuring their child that the child on the swing won't be long (when they won't be long) then I think you are pretty keen to be offended.
And you seem to think that doubling their wait is teaching your child some kind of lesson. What lesson would that be? That when a young child is struggling to wait for something so you should punish them and make them wait longer?
My child has asd and if he saw someone waiting for a swing he is on he would have a little while longer then get off and would probably tell them he wouldn't be long. If the child was younger I think he would give it up straight away. I find your lack of empathy for others as an adult quite strange.

And my ds is pretty good at waiting but there's not a chance in hell I would be discussing his diagnosis with a complete stranger I'd just met at the park!

Oh I don't diagnose on the internet. Just asking if you'd considered it.
Obviously you wouldn't have a problem discussing it it public.

The thing about personal space us that it's rather a personal concept. I wouldn't consider someone standing by or leaning on the swing frame to be in my personal space if I was pushing my child. Nor if they were standing behind me far enough that I could step back to push without hitting them. The impression I had from the OP certainly was that "my personal space" included anywhere that would be obviously waiting for the swing he was using. And if you have a child that does specifically want a swing, that's where you do wait, or someone else is likely to home in when it's free and you miss your chance.

Just checked back in wow.

There is no way on this sweet earth that Pearlman is a teacher.

Pearlman you've said that you would honestly not make any allowances for anyone - i.e. Not get off the swing - unless they had a) additional needs and b)that those needs were verbally explained to you.

You said that unless they clearly had additional needs, you would require an explanation as you don't have a crystal ball, how clear is clear, like how would they need to behave for you to consider their needs. Just so we're clear?

What if, you somehow found yourself away from your post as Lord of the Park and you were in a que with adults, without their parents there to explain their "needs" would you treat equally vulnerable adults with the same contempt?

For the record, all children would require the reassurance that they're not just standing at the swings for the craic. When I'm reassuring my dd that her turn will come shortly, that it won't be long darling, I'm not being passive aggressive.

I don't do passive aggression, I teach my kids to be direct, clear and polite. Which is why I would politely just ask you if my child could now have a turn as she'd been waiting; which we would then both thank you and you DC for.

However if I was to express my absolute disgust for your discrimination, prejudice and bigotry. Or if I was to advise you of my disdain for your narrow-mindedness, egocentricity and sheer lack of humanity - I'd just tell you outright and be pretty aggressive about it. Direct and clear.

I wonder wether you ever go to the park Pearlman. Your comments have been so antagonistic that my klaxon is piercing and for that I can only offer you . You clearly need a little sunshine in your life.

Wow Pearlman, you need to get out more. Maybe not to the park though, as it sounds a little agitating for you.

I kind of get where Pearlman's coming from in her original post.

If my DC has been waiting a while to get on a swing then it must be dispiriting to hear a loud adult voice say that it won't be long until she's had her turn. Puts a dampener on her enjoyment somewhat.

Where I differ is that I don't see a problem with a queue by the swing posts if the playground is crowded. I would feel very uncomfortable, though, if someone was standing close behind me. A small queue of DCs waiting is fine - people can see whose turn is next and can work out if it's worth the wait. Sometimes it won't be.

I think I'm perceptive enough to work out if a parent is actually reassuring a DC in a quiet voice actually addressing the DC saying their turn is next and a loud passive aggressive voice not really addressing the child at all but aimed at me and my DC. That would piss me off. The clue is whether or not the parent is looking at their DC while speaking or looking at me and my DC.

Most DCs have an innate sense of what's fair and when their time is up. That often depends on how busy the place is. Some (NT and with SNs) need to be encouraged to move on when their time is up. It's very annoying to yield after a short time and then see the next DC in line hog the swing for longer than is fair to others waiting.

DCs learn life lessons from the wait and from the giving up after their turn.

It's in Peppa Pig and everything.

Well..you kind of get where a poster who has upset a lot of people is coming from. That's nice.

I also said where I differed, or didn't you read that bit? Or the rest of my post that qualified my thoughts. Yet still you have a go? Nice.

There are no words.

A grown up punishing children in the park because their parents are educating them and explaining a social rule.

Demanding parents disclose their children's disability before they consider behaving like a normal human being...

The thought of having my children taught by someone like this physically disgusts me.

I think there's a lot of adult thinking going on. Children are very literal. They wouldn't take someone saying won't be long as being rushed and they don't have the same defensiveness over space we do. I doubt they'd perceive someone waiting as ruining their go as it would be down to the adults to rush them off or not

And you were deleted 3 tines for no reason?

I stand by my statement that as human beings we can do better than to refuse to consider the possibility of hidden disabilities.

I do seem to have upset a few people
Yes, potentially some children with additional needs at playgrounds and possibly their parents. Well done you. Do you feel good about that then?
I think I have made my points as clearly as I can and see no value in rehashing them
Nobody sees the value in rehashing disablist comments, but addressing the criticisms of them would be constructive.

for having the cheek to disagree with their views. I know my own mind.
Why did you go on aibu and ask for opinions then? Why not stick to going to playgrounds with your sense of entitlement to punish those who don't disclose additional needs to you?

Pearlman Do you have child/ren of parking going age and do you actually take them to the park? In my years of nannying and parenting, I've spent far too long in a park and the way you talk doesn't seem to suggest that you have been in a park much, let alone one on a hot summer's day in August. You talk about people standing close but if you stand close to a swing, you'll get kicked, so I wonder what your perception of "close" actually is.

I also wonder the age group that you teach. Small children often need reminding to wait, SEN aside, I wouldn't be surprised if the vast majority of children need the occasion reminder. Lacking social awareness is very usual for small children. How on earth do you think they learn to have empathy for others if they aren't told? "Not long now" and "soon" is a very common parenting technique for children when you a) don't know how long it will be and b) to keep them focused on the task of waiting their turn nicely.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I bloody knew it! Haha come back in a few years Pearlman, we'll have humble pie and custard with your name on it.

😂

Doggity thank you. I was thinking I had unusual children!

Don't worry Pearlman. I bet all of us have had a slice of that humble pie as our children grow up!

Pearlman, your assertion that parents of children with SN should be prepared to share their diagnosis with a stranger in the park so as to ward off any frustration is offensive.

Your other opinions are yours to own, but take it from me and the many others on this thread, much of what you've written is upsetting, disabilist and utterly offensive.