To think that when you're using play equipment in the park it's rude for parents to stand next to you waiting for you to finish

[Qedwai]

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who hates this or if I'm being unreasonable.

When I'm in the park with my Sons and we want to go on something we play on something else until it's free and then quickly go on it once it becomes available. We don't stand right next to the parent and child waiting for them to get off! If we know something is really popular we will only stay on 5 mins so that everyone gets a chance to play.

One thing I've noticed consistently, is that there are a small number of parents who will stand right next to you with their child, literally waiting for you to get off the equipment. In the process, making you feel rushed and uncomfortable. Especially if they make a big deal of the fact they are waiting by saying stuff like 'won't be long now and you can go on once this boy has got off'.

Today I was in a large, fairly busy park and I put my Son in the swing. I had only just put him in when a woman went right behind me and said to her daughter 'we will go on once this boy has finished' she then proceeded to stand still, right next to me, with a grumpy face until we took our Son out of the swing'.

It's something I would never ever do. I think it's rude and unnecessary. Standing nearby is different but right next to the person is rude.

If a park is so busy it's necessary to queue for things I suppose that's different, but i'm not talking about parks like that. Just normal parks.

I know I probably am being a bit unreasonable but it's happened a few times now, and it's really getting on my nerves.

I've read the thread and I agree with user. I'm also horrified that you're a teacher Pear, truly aghast.

That's Pearl

I've read the thread, you've been insistent since page 5 that someone saying 'its your turn after this little boy' or 'just five minutes' is passive aggressive and as a result you would stay on longer. And also that in order to not be classed as passive aggressive and therefore for you to not dig your heels in, the parent would need to explain what disabilities or SEN the child has.

If that's not what you meant, it might be with reflecting on your posts.

Sorry - worth not with

Pearlman rather than parents being expected to humiliate their constantly disadvantaged children with additional needs by announcing to all and sundry, why isn't the onus on YOU to let people know your 'subjective' swing allowance time in order to let parents prepare their waiting child for the delay?
Surely you recognise that the social norm is for (in busy periods) a few minutes in teeny swings, slightly longer in big swings.
If you have decided this isn't for you like the rest of the world why can't you own it?

Absolute bollocks that a 2-3 year old should play on something else and hope a swing may become free OP
They are small feral oddities incapable of such a thought process.

There are 2 toddler swings in our very busy park and we queue.
It works.
Just as if I want to buy petrol, I queue. Not drive around until a pump hopefully becomes free. I intend no malice or passive aggressiveness to the person already at the pump, I'm just waiting. For my turn. The way one does.

Pearlman: The other way of looking at it is that I don't let rude people walk all over me. We all know some people do not respect the boundaries of others and expect others to accommodate them no matter what. Perhaps I am unusual in my unwillingness to go along with this, perhaps not. I suspect most people know what I mean by 'rude' behaviour when it comes to waiting to use something. I am happy that I only respond with rudeness when I have good reason to think the other person was out of order.

No, it really is unusual, Pearlman, to set yourself up Don Quixote style and to wage a crusade in your own head.

What are you teaching other people through retaliatory rudeness? What are you teaching your child through your own rudeness?

What are you adding to other people's experience of their day in the park when you go around assuming rudeness and assuming your defensive position to make sure you don't lose to some force you fear?

Your behaviour - your choice of interactive style- is motivated by fear.
Is that a good template or archetype to set your child?

What is your child absorbing about the world when you set up the oppositionality in your head, with you defending an imaginary line and other people trying to cross it?

Pearl - So you would punish a child because you perceived the parent to be rude, and would refuse to entertain the possibility that the parent was actually supporting a disabled child unless they disclosed that to you/
Nice.

And what are you teaching your child when you assume that everyone else's comments and behaviour are ultimately directed at you, in order to manipulate you or pressure you? It's not really healthy to assume that you are the centre of other people's attention and that other people are trying to manipulate you.

If it really hasn't occurred to you that other people did not go to the park to have a go at you, or if you think they go to the park in happy anticipation of getting their own way and making you or other people 'lose', then you really should consider that you have a disordered way of thinking.

Pearlman

Math has articulated it far better than I could, these comments are not passive aggressive, they are usually throwaway comments made to a child. If you seek conflict it will find you.

What are your thoughts about Feral's point about the impact of explaining a child's issues to random strangers who require specific dispensation in order to be considerate of others.

Pearl. Serious question. Have you ever considered that this rigid thinking, need for space, retaliation for perceived slights etc might in itself be indicative of some form of ASC? PDA or HFA possibly?

The more that I read of your posts (particularly The fact that you don't seem able to comprehend the impact of a child having to listen to their private medical information being shared with random strangers) the more I wonder if you might genuinely not get it rather than being obtuse which is how it comes across.

I see them now, yes. I am a slow typer and cross posted. Thanks

It is not humiliating a child to discreetly tell another adult why you are invading their space or might be coming across as rude because of your volume.
Finally you answer this question!
Yes it IS humiliating.
It is humiliating and damaging for the child if the parent is constantly feeling they have to apologise for their child's existence - and yes it is their existence, because this perceived rude behaviour is very normal way of supporting an autistic child constantly through everyday events.

And no-one is asking for special treatment from you, they are not asking you to get off the swings any sooner, just don't punish the child by deliberately taking longer, because they haven't disclosed their disability to you.

Pearlman - but how do you know you aren't taking the piss?
Just as parents haven't realised they are standing in a passive aggressive manner? You could well be definitely staying on equipment too long compared to other parents.

Until you've had something pointed out 10 times a day about you that is 'less than perfect ' to appease total strangers to not be cunts-don't ridicule the word humiliation.

My children queue. They see a child waiting and invariably offer to get off ( far earlier than they would need to in a socially acceptable timeframe)

They have a turn of a few minutes, they then get off, if they want another turn-they go and requeue.

This is honestly what everyone else appears to do.

I go to some rough parks too...

There are parents though who let their kids hog the swings or whatever it is you are waiting for, so sometimes a bit of pressure is purposefully applied to make sure they know someone else is waiting and their child can't be on it for a long time.

I agree it can be a bit irritating, but that's how it is. Otherwise people would either not know or not care that someone else is waiting so there has to be an element of hovering, and reassuring your child they will eventually get a shot, whilst reminding the other parent your child is waiting for their turn.

I have been on both sides of it, being the hoverer and the pressured parent. I think to call you unreasonable is probably wrong. Perhaps idealistic, and you will just need to learn this is how it works I'm afraid.