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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want everyone to know what i used to do?

92 replies

user1471021173 · 12/08/2016 18:05

It probably sounds silly. I used to work in a different field but something horrible happened and it really knocked my confidence.

I mostly work for my husband's business but also work a little outside of this, just weekends every now and again when he's away. Most of the people I work with are lovely but the one thing that drives me crazy is that I am known as "the (thing I used to do.)"

AIBU to get fed up of this? I don't tell them by the way - must have just picked it up ...

OP posts:
DerekSprechenZeDick · 12/08/2016 18:07

They call you 'thing you used to do'

Confused I'm not following

OutDamnedWind · 12/08/2016 18:09

Guessing you mean people refer to you as 'the lawyer' or 'the teacher', even though you're not any more?

Original poster
user1471021173 · 12/08/2016 18:11

Yes, that's right OutDamnedWind

OP posts:
Athenia · 12/08/2016 18:11

This forum is anonymous. Why don't you just say what you did. I don't think you will shock anyone on MN.

Original poster
user1471021173 · 12/08/2016 18:13

That's not the point, though, just wondering if I'm being unreasonable not to want people to refer me to in that way as I don't identify myself in this way any way.

OP posts:
DerekSprechenZeDick · 12/08/2016 18:14

Not unreasonable but weird that they say that.

Don't you have a name?

Champagneformyrealfriends · 12/08/2016 18:15

A bit cryptic op but what the hell-yanbu to be fed up of people calling you whatever they call you. The bastards.

pussinasda · 12/08/2016 18:15

your going to have to take the bull by the horns if it pisses you off that much
"oh ffs that was a life time ago my names xxxx, move on"
they'll soon get the jist

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 12/08/2016 18:19

What did you used to do?

Original poster
user1471021173 · 12/08/2016 18:26

it's not just the name it's the identity aspect though. like I can't properly move on. And then people say "oh you're the policewoman" and then you have to explain why you left and so on and I just don't always want to get into it. It upsets me and embarrasses me.

OP posts:
DerekSprechenZeDick · 12/08/2016 18:27

Just say no I'm not I'm 'name'

Or say used to be not now and leave it at that

davos · 12/08/2016 18:27

I am going to guess.....police.

It's the only job I have ever been able to guess without being told. Don't always get it right though. I have lots of family in the police and it's something about the way people talk.

It's fairly simple though. Point out you don't like you old profession being used as a nick name.

Original poster
user1471021173 · 12/08/2016 18:30

it's not, I just don't think its relevant.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 12/08/2016 18:33

It's the only job I have ever been able to guess without being told. Don't always get it right though. I Grin

What you mean is you go round saying "Oh, police?" and every now and then you are right Smile

DeathStare · 12/08/2016 18:35

I think it depends on what it was you used to do. If it was something illegal or morally reprehensible then I think I could understand why people might make assumptions that that is reflective of an overall character trait.

Similar if it was something useful to your current role - for example if your DH runs a business and you used to be an accountant, then I can see why people might want to bear that in mind as they would consider you brought expertise in a certain area.

I think without telling us what it is, there is limited use we can be to you.

Original poster
user1471021173 · 12/08/2016 18:37

what I mean is for example, someone I haven't met before will say "oh, you're the nurse!" or someone might say "you are a traffic warden aren't you? why did you leave."

I find it intrusive.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 12/08/2016 18:38

I was a CP SW, now quite ill, but hopefully going back to work as a Support Worker/Advocate.

I feel the same way, I used to tell people that I worked for the Council.

bunnyfuller · 12/08/2016 18:41

Eek! Did you leave under a cloud?! You seem a bit sensitive over it, most people would turn it into a joke 'yes, I'm the copper AND YOURE FUCKING NICKED'

MiddleClassProblem · 12/08/2016 18:42

I font thinnest you used to do has anything to do with it if you don't want to be reminded of it. Just say as pp said "my name is..." Or "actually it's..." Or "don't you mean..."

Other option is to confront it within yourself and realise that you did that job and even if it didn't end well it was ok/good before? What happened may not define that?

It's hard to say without know what happened even if you don't know the job ie you made a serious mistake, colleague issues etc

DeathStare · 12/08/2016 18:43

I think it's only intrusive because it reminds you of unhappier times. But other people aren't to know that, and in course of day to day chit-chat it is really a perfectly reasonable conversation starter and not that intrusive.

If you don't want to answer it then just have a few well-prepared brush-offs ready

Eg. "Aren't you the nurse?" "No. Not anymore. Now how can we help you with......"
"You are a traffic warden aren't you. Why did you leave?" "I prefer this job. Now what shall we do about......"

isthistoonosy · 12/08/2016 18:43

Could you say something like - I also use to be a waitress,/cook/shop worked it neither is massively relevant to what we ate doing now. And then just carry on with your actual work.

MiddleClassProblem · 12/08/2016 18:43

I don't think! Not I font thinnest!

e1y1 · 12/08/2016 18:45

Eh? How many times are people going to refer to you as the career you used to do?

Am I being incredibly dim? Suppose on the first meeting, someone may refer to you as that, but why would the same people repeatedly refer to you as the previous profession you did, when you clearly aren't doing it anymore.

In another career, we had a very wide talent mix, can't recall anyone keeping a nickname for someone by their previous career.

Not following at all.

However, in your case, would just say "I don't work in that field anymore and for personal reasons I feel uncomfortable when referred to as such" they will stop (to your face at least).

Unless of course it was international drug barron Grin

Original poster
user1471021173 · 12/08/2016 18:46

under a cloud of sorts, yes. I was falsely accused of something and although the truth eventually came out it wasn't before I'd tried to take my life, but luckily the beams weren't as securely attached to the ceiling as i'd thought. there is no stain on my record but I don't want people looking at me and seeing me as the ---

OP posts:
pussinasda · 12/08/2016 18:46

was you on the telly {an actress} as i really dont know how they can just pick up on it unless your still waring the uniform Grin sorry
how can someone just guess what you use to do by looking at you