AIBU to say no to attending DH's best friends wedding with 5 week old twins?

[Tinkerbell2003]

Hi,

I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant with twins and we've just received a wedding invite to DH's best friend's wedding which will be 5 weeks after our planned delivery date. The wedding will be held 3.5 hours away from where we live, we will be first time parents to our twins, delivery is likely to be c-section and I'm hoping to EBF.

The bride and groom have said that our LOs will be more than welcome and DH is really keen for us to all attend together. However I have so many worries and the thought of going is getting me really worked up at the moment.

I'm mainly concerned about

• Taking such tiny babies out to a large gathering of (mostly) strangers before their immunisations.
• We'll still be getting to grips with being new parents.
• The fact that I think I'll spend most of my time in another room BFing rather than attending the wedding anyway.
• Being horribly sleep deprived at that point.
• Potentially still being uncomfortable after a c-section.
• Not really feeling up to getting dressed up and looking presentable by then.
• Not having home comforts to escape to for 2 nights.
• Other people wanting to hold/touch our newborns.

DH is so much more laid back than me and thinks I'm being too negative, whereas I think I'm just being realistic. I'm happy for him to go on his own and enjoy himself (my parents will come and stay with me for company) but our inability to agree over this is causing arguements between us and making me feel completely stressed out.

AIBU? What would you do?

Hahaha. My twins are 1 week old. Not a fookin' chance I would do this.

Having babies does not mean end to life!!
5 weeks post c section you will be fine.
Why are you worried about people asking to hold your twins?
Get organised and crack on!

Of course it's not an end to life Kilmuir but it does change life.

Out of interest, do you have twins yourself?

Don't go! Just don't!

No kilmuir but 5 weeks after c-section with twins I was just about ok but not 'fine' to cope with, let alone enjoy, a wedding!!

I did my brother's wedding with 10 week old twins and it was hellish, don't do it.
Good luck, being a twin mum is awesome, buy mirror shades.

I have 6 week old twins and was put in a very similar situation RE wedding and my own best friend.
I was very naive in thinking we could go and pulled out a few days before.

You'll be incredibly knackered, probably still in a bit of shock, and your new babies won't be on any kind of routine at all - they'll kick off whenever they like and if it's at the same time and you're BFEEDING it'll be you who has to do the hard work of feeding twins at the same time, not your DH! Stay at home, you won't regret it

The not wanting to take them out before immunisations and not wanting people to hold them is ridiculous. The rest is completely sensible and no way would I be attending that wedding.

Having babies doesn't end your life, but you (and your body) need time to heal and adapt. One HV said to me (and it's so true) that having your first child/ren is one of the biggest changes you can go through in life. For me, it was a bigger adjustment than getting married, moving country, pretty much anything I'd gone through. It takes time to adjust and recover and you shouldn't feel that you need to do anything beyond eat, sleep as much as possible and look after the babies for as long as you need

No way! YANBU!!

Anyone putting you under pressure over this is, though, and is responsible for affecting your well-being during pregnancy. Could you show them the thread if they're in any doubt. That's quite short notice for the wedding. Is there any reason for the timing? If groom is DH's best friend and really wants DH/both of you there, I'm surprised they would time it like this unless there is some other factor.

I am sure I am just repeating what others have already said, but forget it,

Nope would only go if on the door step

HAHAHAHA

NO. Just no.

1. It's way too long in a car seat for the babies (i.e. not a safe amount of time). Being squashed up like that is bad for their breathing and you won't even be able to see them given their car seats face the back these days.

1. You will be uncomfortable as hell (I would have been, and I had a single VB from which I recovered pretty fast). A CS is major abdominal surgery and they suggest 12 weeks to recover. Bear in mind a hysterectomy recovery can be 6 months.

1. If you are trying to breastfeed, it may be taking a long time to get it sorted. It took me 10 weeks before I could stop mixed feeding because DD just didn't get it.

1. You are going to be exhausted, and unless he's a lazy arse who doesn't help out, so will he be (so probably unsafe to make a 3.5 hour drive which will inevitably turn into about 7 hours as you'll have to stop repeatedly for half hour breaks for feeding, nappies, freeing the babies from the car seats and letting them recover...).

And finally - that all assumes there are absolutely zero complications. Even something as seemingly minor as jaundice can mean hospital admissions and monitoring.

I can't even remember my twins at that stage (they're 21 now). It was all a horrible, sleep-deprived blur of feeding, winding, cleaning up sick and changing nappies. Mine never ever napped at the same time and so there was no chance of catching up on sleep when they did.

I travelled to visit my parents when they were 4 months. That entailed taking most of the contents of Mothercare and so much stress.

Don't do it.

I had a section with my first baby - I was totally exhausted from the surgery alone. Add to that a baby that didn't sleep and a severe bout of post-natal depression, and working hard at breast-feeding (it doesn't come naturally to us all, sadly) and there is no way I could have coped with an umpteen hour journey (and don't forget you also have to get back) and a service and meals and speeches, and people admiring and breathing all over our little 'un (I was paranoid he would catch something horrible - he'd been jaundiced at birth).

You might be fortunate and have an easy time and a quick recovery - most women do - but you will still be tired and have toyour hands full with two tiny babies. And I can promise you, even with one the logistics of going even half an hour down the road, let alone 3 and 1/2 hours is a nightmare.

You really would be best thanking them very much, but declining the invitation (on your own behalf at least - let your DH go if he wants to).

The 'portable' thing... Some might be. Mine wasn't. Each feed took 90 mins at that age - long enough that she had digested most of it & we had to start again about an hour later. That's a long car journey...

NO
My sil has a section nearly 4 weeks ago.
She still can't life anything other than baby (and you'll have 2!) and is still very sore.
Just no.
Your Dh is being vvu even asking you.

I took 12wo DTs to sils wedding. It's was 2 hours away. My mum drive down in her car as well, they stayed for about an hour after the ceremony and then mum took them home and had them overnight. They were FF. It wasn't relaxing, to put it mildly.

There is no way I'd contemplate it with 5wo BF twins. BF twins is bloody hard work, you'll be shattered and, probably not confident at feeding them in public. They'll be feeding, a lot. You'll probably end up in a hotel room for the entire thing.

We were invited to a wedding of a good friend a few weeks after our twins were born. I sent my apologies and DH went on his own. It was so busy in those early days that I didn't have time to worry about not going, so YANBU.

It would have been doable but very difficult with DS1 and DS2, but not vaguely possible with DD who cried all the time. No way would I have attempted it with twins. It's the 3.5 h drive that clinches the deal - it could take 6 or more hours with stops. Hideous.

I thought we would breezily attend a wedding a month after ds1 (singular) was born and my body would have snapped back instantly. I clearly watched too much TV! Ds bf very easily but wanted to feed every 1-2hrs. He catnapped throughout the day and I was exhausted. We cancelled.
Went to a very local wedding at 2mo and left after 2hrs. Went to one an hour away at 4mo and left at 8pm after spending half the wedding bfing in a corner. This was with one child! If ds2 had been born first it would have been easy. He sleeps all the time, feeds every 3hrs (he would wait longer but I don't let him go longer than 4), and crucially we were used to having a child.
Firstborn is a total life changer, even if an 'easy-going' baby.
Congratulations and best wishes.

Five weeks away from c-section childbirth and your husband expects you to travel for three and a half hours!
Absolutely not, and he shouldn't go either.

Say you will let them know just before the cutoff for the catering numbers.

😀😳😟
No flippin' way! Your DH is being incredibly unrealistic. I haven't had twins but I well remember just trying to get out of the house to local shops at 6 weeks with firstborn and two years later with dc2 and a toddler!