AIBU to say no to attending DH's best friends wedding with 5 week old twins?

[Tinkerbell2003]

Hi,

I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant with twins and we've just received a wedding invite to DH's best friend's wedding which will be 5 weeks after our planned delivery date. The wedding will be held 3.5 hours away from where we live, we will be first time parents to our twins, delivery is likely to be c-section and I'm hoping to EBF.

The bride and groom have said that our LOs will be more than welcome and DH is really keen for us to all attend together. However I have so many worries and the thought of going is getting me really worked up at the moment.

I'm mainly concerned about

• Taking such tiny babies out to a large gathering of (mostly) strangers before their immunisations.
• We'll still be getting to grips with being new parents.
• The fact that I think I'll spend most of my time in another room BFing rather than attending the wedding anyway.
• Being horribly sleep deprived at that point.
• Potentially still being uncomfortable after a c-section.
• Not really feeling up to getting dressed up and looking presentable by then.
• Not having home comforts to escape to for 2 nights.
• Other people wanting to hold/touch our newborns.

DH is so much more laid back than me and thinks I'm being too negative, whereas I think I'm just being realistic. I'm happy for him to go on his own and enjoy himself (my parents will come and stay with me for company) but our inability to agree over this is causing arguements between us and making me feel completely stressed out.

AIBU? What would you do?

Thank you all so much. I feel a LOT better about my decision now. I know I do tend to over think things and worry excessively so it's always good to get the opinions of others.

As I said in my post, my parents will come and visit so i won't be alone if DH attends. And there's no way I'd want to stop him from going as it is his best friend and he has already declined being best man because he doesn't think he'll be able to commit to the extra responsibilities that entails.

You're right too that there's no point arguing about it for the next 4 months so I think I'm just going to tell him to accept for himself and say that I'll have to make a decision much nearer the time, once the babies are here when he hopefully also has some experience of just how challenging things are going to be. If, by some miracle, I did decide to go then it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't have a meal catered for, I'm sure DH could nip out and get me something.

Please say no!!! X

Its a no from me (mother of twins). too far. Too much. If you are planning to BF then it's literally all you will be doing for about 3 months. And no one wants to see you feeding two screaming babies on an enormous bfing cushion at a wedding! (If you're planning on bfing, then get one! I was basically surgically attached to mine for 9months!)

I went to my brothers wedding when my DD was 6 weeks old. It was 5 hours away so we went for the weekend. Total nightmare. My DD was either crying or I went in another room to BF. DD was crying during the speeches so I took her out and when I got back they'd cleared away my dinner which I'd hardly had a chance to touch and I was starving! In my hormone fuelled state I was nearly crying! I couldn't drink and was knackered so went at about 7pm.

If it hadn't been my brother I wouldn't have gone.

And with you having twins it's going to be even more of a nightmare for you.

Good luck with it all though.

i was topless for about 2 mths when i was BF my DTs - establishing breastfeeding with 2 small (though good weights for twins) babies was hard and pretty constant. I missed my Aunts wedding when the DTs were 3 mths old because I was exhausted, my family all smoke, i was feeding all the time etc etc.

Stick to your guns - in fairness to your Husband I know many many first time parents who seem to think it will be a breeze, life won't change much and so on and get quite a shock when they realise for instance that a 3mth old can't really go to Glastonbury (yes, really 'he will be pretty portable won't he' was a memorable quote)

I wouldn't go for all the reasons you've stated.

I went to my friend's wedding when my 2nd was 3 days old.
I looked a right mess - I took cushions with me to sit (and potentially leak) on and hobbled everywhere like an old lady.
Definitely wouldn't recommend it, but in my case, I'm glad I went.
If I had had to stay over, I think it would have been different though.

I attended a wedding 4 weeks after my first baby was born, it was fine but I did spend most of it trying to find somewhere to feed her. I didn't particularly enjoy the wedding but I went for my friend really. That was ok and it was an hour away. I have twins now and there is no way I would have been in any fit state to go to a wedding 5 weeks after my c section - as a passenger round the corner maybe but if you want to ebf there is just no way that can be done discreetly at that age, sorry. You could if you expressed and took bottles, I did that for lots of feeds by then, but these are all a lot of unknowns. You may also not feel up to it physically either, just ask your dp if he wants to go without you. I managed overnight on my own by then with four. I am sure you'd be ok. The travelling alone could be a nightmare too though, my twins did not sleep in the car at all until they were 7 months so that journey would have taken twice as long. Sorry to be negative as you probably could manage it if you really, really wanted to go but I personally wouldn't go.

Another twin Mum saying don't do it!!!!!

The 3.5 drive will be a nightmare

At that stage I was basically breastfeeding my babies for 8 hours a day. You'd need to be very comfortable feeding in public (which I was later but not at 5 weeks)

Due to the feeding it will be pretty difficult for you even to sit at the table through a meal of several courses.

At 5 weeks I was still very sore post section - I couldn't have managed 3.5 hours in the car.

The likelihood is that you will miss the ceremony as at least one of the babies will be either crying/filling its nappy/throwing up.

At 5 weeks old we had at least one of our babies crying all night. The idea of managing that in a hotel is horrific. Also pretty inconsiderate to other guests.

Twin babies will pretty conclusively steal the bride's thunder. Her wedding day probably shouldn't be all about your babies.

If your DH goes alone (and he'll be shattered for a 4 hour drive but might enjoy 2 nights rest) you'll need someone to move in with you. It needs to be someone useful. You won't need help with the babies but you will need help with laundry/housework/shopping/driving

If you have a section you won't be driving at 6 weeks - your DH does realise that? You won't be able to share driving.

When my children were 4 weeks old we drive to my Mum's house, one hour away, to have a celebration family dinner (not for the babies, for something else) We stayed all day, smiling and nodding - and absolutely miserable. I look back 8 years on and regret we put ourselves through that.

My DH had to go away for work when the babies were 5 months old. He was really, really upset to be leaving me and them for 3 days. Your DH might not find it that easy to leave you for the wedding either.

Don't do it. The very idea is madness.

Hahahaha, your dh is crazy if he thinks this will work.

I can't wait to see what he says 5 weeks in with twins.

It's hilarious when your DH who is the one saying oh let's go when it is YOU who will be recovering from major surgery, YOU who will have full and leaky boobs, YOU who will be utterly exhausted from not having one newborn but two newborns, etc!

No way would I be going. DH can go if he wants but tbh, wedding or not, I think 5 weeks post c sections and twins, he should be considering staying home with you.

Sorry, of course you can't do that! DH and his BF just have no idea, they are not trying to be unreasonable they are just in cloud cuckoo land.

Decline politely but firmly. Give them five years or so and they will be amazed that they ever thought this would be possible.

I travelled to Scotland with a 3 year old and a 5 week old baby and although the 7 hour car journey wasnt easy it was doable. just to give you the idea that it may be a possibility!

Sorry Mischa twins is just not the same.

I just don't think you can leave babies in car seats for that long. As someone said, it won't be 3.5 hours, it will be double that by the time you've stopped to feed a few times. What a knackering and horrible day that would be. And then you'll have to do it all over again on the return journey.

You'll be feeding them constantly. I had thrush with dd2. Every time she fed it was like glass shards through my nipples. I would literally cry with pain. God forbid that happen to you but can you imagine if it did and you were a day's drive from home at someone's wedding on very public display? I'd rather switch to formula for that reason alone than put myself through that.

If your 'd'h insists that you go, show him this thread. The people on here have a bit more idea than he does.

I wouldn't go.

As it's his best friend, I'd be happy for him to go.

At best, see how you feel then, but I would't commit at all.

Oh bless. The poor man has NO idea

It will be amazing, but I think he's got visions of two gorgeous sleeping babes getting cooed over and you being all eager to socialise after your 'confinement'

Here's what you should do: Copy and paste your OP somewhere on your pc. Then email him it in 6 months for the laugh.

It won't be a 3.5 hour journey - it will be much much more
I had to do a long journey with bottle fed DD at 5 weeks. We stopped 7 times

We had been BF and sometimes those feeds would take several hours - and then there are nappy changes....

And the iron tablets I was on made me need the toilet a lot.

You might be okay in yourself and you might be still struggling to get dressed some days.... Too soon to committ to anything

No way, your dh clearly has no idea what's in store
he certainly has a shock coming to him.
He shouldn't go either unless you have somebody to help you whilst he's away.
There is no way I'd have managed a wedding so close to the birth and I only had one at a time.

OP, get him some study aids before babies arrive, let him know what your lives will be like for the first year. At least he can be better prepared and knowledgeable, which will make him useful in raising his children.

And show him this thread for you, and Good luck for the birth.

I think DH will think your suggestion will be brilliant especially 5 weeks after they are born and he gets a few days off on a child free jolly and a couple of nights uninterrupted sleep....!

Another one saying don't go. Actually, don't even bother trying to leave the house before they're 6 weeks old unless you're really feeling up to it. It's too long a journey, you'll still be establishing BFing, you'll be knackered and you just won't enjoy it. As others have said, your DH should go (if you have someone useful who can stay with you). I took singleton DS to a wedding when he was four months, so I did get to enjoy it a bit (fortunately he decided to take a long nap and slept through the ceremony), but I still spent a lot of the evening trying to find somewhere quiet to feed him and put him down for naps

I would also recommend reminding him about a week after the babies arrive that he suggested going to a wedding and tell us his response.

God no YANBU, stay at home! And if your DH goes, definitely get help for the day (and preferably the night too).

Pressed send too soon...

We went to a wedding with our 3yo (fine, had the time of her life) and our 1yo. The 1yo is still a milk monster and I am STILL leaking copious amounts of milk, I had to change pads three times that day and finding something nice to wear that wasn't totally impractical for feeding was almost impossible. And there wasn't really anywhere comfy to feed. So no, don't go, stay at home in your pyjamas with the babies.

I did a very smart wedding with a 6 week old single baby after a c section and breastfeeding. Only because I really wanted to be there for the couple. It was fine actually, (well ok I had to wear something I didn't like as it was the only thing that fitted as I had put on so much pregnancy weight) but we just went for the day. I don't recall the baby being passed around everyone for cuddles, she slept through most of it in her pram and there was no shortage of volunteers to help carry the pram up and down stairs. I fed her during the service and I think before the reception really got underway. It really wasn't a problem. If you need to stay overnight then that's different, it will be a lot more complicated and their stuff will fill the car. You'll probably still not have forgotten something/not packed enough changes of clothing. A day trip with your parents to help you could be manageable, it just depends how things go when they're born, which you can't predict. Surely the bride and groom can see the issue here and can understand that you and the babies may not be up to going and it could be just your husband that comes? And that you won't be able to make that final decision until the last minute, maybe even the day before?

I think your compromise sounds best OP. Use your support network, whilst he attends on his own.

He's got a bit of shock coming though, even for considering taken them!