Babies aren't expensive

[ImYourMama]

Hi all, I'm hoping you can help. I'm new to Mumsnet and I'm 22 weeks pregnant with first baby. So far myself and DH have bought everything we can think of she'll need, in the summer sales. We've not paid full price for anything! But I'm worries about costs when she's here.

Everyone says it's so expensive having a baby, but I can't work out what will change aside from buying nappies/wipes and possibly formula if breast feeding isn't successful. We can just about manage on maternity pay and DH's wage if these are the main expenses, but am I missing something? I always thought babies were as expensive as you wanted them to be?

Is it more when they get older?

Please help, I want to be financially ready and I feel like I'm missing something obvious

some people dont like to do it for for my babys and the older ones i buy ebay bundles i can clothe the babys for the year for 20-40 pounds each.

all the others about 30-60 pounds each for the full year.

like others say thought its probably more to do with earning loss and childcare once that is needed and maybe not so much the day to day general stuff.

I agree pearly, I think childcare should always be factored in, even if you think it's going to be free. You will read plenty if stories on here of family taking on childcare and it not working out. My friends parents were going to do 2 days a week for her but sadly her dad died very suddenly and her mum can't manage on her own, so among the utter devastation at losing her dad she's also looking at about £180 a week extra childcare, obviously it pales in comparison to losing her dad but when you're a parent with bills to pay you have to think of these things.

You are very lucky to have family providing free childcare. I had to wait until we got the 15 hours government funded hours at nursery before I actually was in profit going back to work, the nursery fees or other childcare costs were the equivalent of my salary. I know earn enough each month to pay for a tank of fuel and one week's grocery shop at £60.

If you do have a car, and kids who do extra curricular, kids can massively increase your petrol costs....

I don't even have to drive my kids to school as there is a school bus, but because we live rurally I probably use about half my monthly petrol just on driving them about, so I am paying twice as much in fuel as I would be if I didn't have children - this is particularly the case if kids play in sports matches at various locations spread over quite a wide area, (even if you can car pool you obviously have to take your turn at driving!)

Again not essential, but the alternative is keeping them at home and not allowing them to join sports teams and orchestras or be in clubs etc. etc.

Agree with PP- OP you should investigate the cost of 3 days at nursery or with CM and make sure you can cover that before booking holidays etc. Are you happy with the way caring for your child will limit the lifestyle of your relatives? Will they have to take holiday only when you can get time off work? What if they get an invite to go somewhere with a friend on 'their' day? It's a lovely offer, and clearly helps you out, but it's not something I would consider asking any of my DSs GPs to do on a regular/ permanent basis. I just don't see it as fair.

You also can't assume it will work out permanently. 12+ years is a long time to need childcare.

Mine are 9 and 7. 9 year old eats like a horse. Both grow, the selfish little buggers, so need new clothes. Both constantly ask for stuff - games, books, days out, fish and chips for lunch...

I am dreading the teen years!

A relative of mine actually moved from one end of the country to the other after her own mother offered continuously and frequently to look after her 4 year old if she could find work locally and move back to her home town. The relative did find a local job, moved away from friends to move back near her own mother over the summer with a reception class place arranged for her DC, only to have her mother decide after looking after the first few days of looking after 4 yo that it was actually far too tiring, and the child didn't slot in to her existing lifestyle as well as she had expected her to, and couldn't manage. Relative couldn't find enough child care at short notice and actually ended up having to give up her new job and ironically she and her 4 yo moved back in with her mother for 6 months as a sahm in her childhood home, before she got sorted out with a part time job and paid for childcare and could move out again.

Relatives can mean well when offering child care but then pull out with no notice when they realise the reality of the commitment they have made, and leave you well and truly up the creek without a paddle!

All those asking about 'family care' - this is between 3 sets of grandparents, and 2 aunties/uncles, so not one person doing 3 days a week, it'll be rota'd as it is for my niece. But thank you all for your concern - I can see how mentally extortionate childcare is!

I think the initial outlay on equipment is expensive, and disposable nappies.

Hockeydude unfortunately, DC's uniform is a slightly deeper shade that they don't sell in supermarkets and has banding around the collar. Dickhead school.

I'm amazed state schools are allowed to do this. Fair enough an identifying jumper or tie, but having absolutely everything branded is ridiculous! Surely they have to accept parents cannot afford to shell out on this stuff as well as trips and bake sales and endless other costs?

I think the myth that babies are cheap damages society. Loss of earnings or childcare for many are high costs. Then there's clothes, school trips, hobbies, education enrichment activities, pocket money, latest fads, uni etc.

People who say babies are cheap either didn't have a salary that they sacrificed, get free childcare or are on benefits so they get extra with every child so cover the cost.

A local school has a type of blue that isn't of the 2 for £2 list

They are £10 each

The children all wear hand me downs and look worn and scruffy because of the extortionate cost - and I don't blame the parents - they'd much rather shell out a couple of quid now and then on the cheaper ones.

Let's face it junior school kids come home covered in paint and glue, mud and dinner - so they can't justify the constant replacement -

This isn't a post school by any stretch - just bad management.

Our school does that, just with one item though. All the kids wear this item stained, scruffy and seventh hand. Its not a good move by the school.

I wouldn't want my DS looked after by that many different people either- he wouldn't have known whether he was coming or going.

Each to their own though- I hope it works out for you.

When the alternative is £1000's lost in childcare id much rather our little one develop relationships with her immediate family for free

id much rather our little one develop relationships with her immediate family for free

It's never free - there's always their opinion - their taste in X y z their idea of feeding and clothes - or discipline -

It's not as straight forward as you imagine

Yes I would research the cost of using other childcare also. You may find it doesn't work out or whatever. You and partner can still do a day at home each, and then would just be looking for 3 days. Something grandparents work for under 18month when more babyish, but can find then too much work when they get moving more and napping less.

I must say I have to agree with Cody. I've pays for every single minute of childcare I've ever had, fur the past 8 years. I've got exactly what I wanted. I've witnessed a great many of my friends fall out (often irreparably) with their family/in laws over the care provided - hours, days, food, sleep, staying in/going out, illness (child's and carers's), holidays, "better offers" from their own friends (6 years on one friend and her mil are on barely civil terms because mil wanted to join a bridge club on "her" day). I'd give some serious consideration to using a nursery at least 1 day a week, and using family for evening and weekend babysitting and emergencies/illness (child's and yours!). By having nursery "in the background", you can usually do an ad hoc extra day if needed from time to time.

This is the set up we are happy with - no need for people to comment on that.

I've learned a lot from this thread around hobbies and schools and shoes that I hadn't thought of, I'm sure we'll manage :)

I use free childcare and have done for a while. Between my mum, ex and his mum.

He's fine, he's nearly 7 now and it's happened for 2 years now. He knows home is with me and he stays with family when I work.

He prefers it as well. Even breakfast club is like a punishment to him

Tbh, if it does work out with family go for it. Very normal in other cultures. I live in Zone 2 London, one in local primary, one in relatively cheap nursery, nanny 2.5 days a week because of job hours, 2k / month