To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

Benedikte2 Most of us have taken our kids to stay with grandparents without all the strum and drang of the Op though.

This is AIBU, which is very robust at times, and chat might have been better for this.

I wouldn't have behaved like the op at 30....she should have enough sense to take food if needed, and to stage the journey. It is not rocket science.

Maybe your ILs are doing it on purpose to stop you visiting because you're such hard work.

Only read the first page, but YABU. You sound like a difficult house guest, OP, and immature to boot.

Given that you admit that you are a fussy eater and so is your son why didn't you have the conversation about meals with your in-laws before you set off? It's common sense surely?

As a host I always take my guests' likes and dislikes into consideration before meal planning. I would be very annoyed that people had turned up their noses at my cooking if I had spent ages preparing it, all for the want of a few hints about what I could cook that would go down well.

As a mother I totally understand what it is like to feed a very fussy child. You get desperate to get something - anything into them. DD was one of those children who would rather go hungry than eat something she disliked. She can still be like this now at 16, but I am less concerned about her missing a meal (except she gets very grumpy when she is hungry)

You keep stating that you are a grown up, well perhaps you should start behaving like one. Both you and your in-laws don't seem to want to make the effort to meet half way. Perhaps you should all decamp to a bed and breakfast.

It would have been a lovely opportunity for you to model trying new things with your child, help him get over his fussiness instead of reinforcing it.

My PIL live in S Wales. Even though they are the same age as my parents, they seem a whole generation older. AND they have nicknacks every where.

I think there might be something in this

YOU and your DS are fussy - how is that your PILs' fault?! If you don't like something, fine, don't eat it. But you can't exactly blame them for you not liking it!! My PILs are terrible cooks and I have food allergies. I get round this when we go to stay by doing a big food shop and cooking them lovely meals, so that I can eat according to my allergies and they get treated to some nice meals. I don't stamp my feet and strop to the corner shop for fucking sausages!

I notice you have ignored the question that's been asked multiple times - did you let your PILs know in advance about you and your DS's ridiculous diet, or did you just expect them to guess?!

Not one person has suggested force feeding, clearing your plate or similar but you are so defensive about it I suspect you already know you have behaved very badly.

for you, and for your poor in-laws.

there was me hoping for some decent support from other mums out there
I think you were hoping to rile people up and have a pil bashing thread. Yabu and rude. You should learn some manners and thank people who are trying their best to make you feel welcome. You seem determined to be difficult. I hope your Husband has the sense to tell you to make more effort with his family and stop behaving like a child (unless of course you are one on their school holidays, in which case you should go outside to play)

When my DIL comes to visit she complains about everything I cook for her and her son. We spent ages making a lovely roast dinner that she turned her nose up at - then she told us DS only eats chips and sausages. Do we:

• cook chips and sausages every day for us all?
• make different meals for each of us, which requires time, money and effort, and there's no guarantee she'll eat it once we've cooked it?
• tell her to cook her own meals?
• continue to cook what we like in the hope she stops visiting us?

Blimey OP, you've had a bit of a roasting (no pun intended)
I am assuming there is a huge back story to the GP as well.

I was a horribly fussy child and it was horrible for my parents.
But I got through it.
I now love most things.
Thai, Curry, Italian, French, etc....
I'm not keen on lamb but I would have tried to eat a bit of it if someone had gone to the effort of making it for me.

Your DS will outgrow this phase. As they say on here, this too shall pass.
Try to make the best of your visit.
Offer to cook dinner while you are there to take some pressure off of the in-laws.
YADBU for not liking cheesy mash with gravy - it's a gift from the gods
YADNBU to not like cheerios. Good grief, who gives that shite to an adult? Or even offers it? Very strange.
And to mention the sugar thing to you is laughable as there's a tonne of the stuff in cheerios.

Next time post in Chat or Relationships if you don't want the harsh comments.
Sometimes harsh is good though. Helps to put things into perspective.

As others have said YABU.

I get the bit about not liking in-laws. I'm not keen on mine, but that's for some pretty big reasons way above and beyond them offering food I don't like.

My son has ASD and is food phobic. I know what he eats - about 7 things, thankfully mostly fairly healthy - and i also know that both sets of grandparents think his condition is bollocks, so when we visit them I make sure I take pasta with me, and the ingredients to make the sauce he likes. I make sure I take the other few things he'll tolerate, and if they ask what they can get in for him I just ask for a few yoghurts. That way we can all eat together and rub along ok.

You know your son only eats a couple of things at the moment, so why didn;t you discuss this with the grandparents before the visit? or take things you knew he'd eat?

You say you're a grown adult, but you're not acting like one. Maybe you could stop stamping your feat at the MEAN grandparents and their UNFAIR ways and act like a responsible adult, ensuring your son is appropriately fed, and your husband's parents don't feel too slighted.

YABU
If you are fussy about food and your child is fussy about food then don't stay with people. Go to a Hotel that will cater for your ridiculous unusual needs.
Children have to be told what they can or cannot touch. Not everyone has a 'you can destroy/touch whatever you like' policy

YABU, you sound like a nightmare and there is no such word as 'alot'.

Fucking hell, your poor in laws. And don't say 'hubby' so much. It grates (though slightly less than the op in person, I'm guessing).

Yabu. Did you forewarn them of your/your DC fussiness beforehand?

OP, I think you are very brave taking two young boys to stay with old relatives in Wales. I remember visiting old relatives in Wales when I was little, and it being a very weird and claustrophobic experience with hundreds of nicnaks everywhere.

Can I just say that this is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on mumsnet. Being brave for taking her children to visit their grandparents, in Wales no less! Seriously, what a ridiculous comment.

OP, I think you are very brave taking two young boys to stay with old relatives in Wales. I remember visiting old relatives in Wales when I was little, and it being a very weird and claustrophobic experience with hundreds of nicnaks everywhere.

Is it old people, Welsh people or people with nicnaks that made you feel like this?

^ couldn't agree more, paulanka. Beyond ridiculous.

I've just fed my two little children 18 months and 4 years spicy fajitas. I got lots of arghh it's spicy from the 4 year old but in the end they ate it. I just don't see how you can let a child eat just sausage and chips! Are you transferring your issues onto your child?

God, Wales is soooo weird and claustrophobic. The whole country. And everyone loves knick knacks. EVERYONE.

I'm nearly 30

I am a30 yo woman

Which is it OP?

And please please please answer the question that most posters have asked-"Did you pre-warn your In-Laws before arriving, about the food issues and discuss with them solutions?

I think the OP has missed an opportunity to wean her DCs away from their fussiness.

If encouraged, most young children will make an effort to eat nicely for granny.

And what kid doesn't like roast dinners?

I want to know what qualifies as 'old'. I bet the grandparents are only in their 50s, which is not old at all.

Yabu.

Your child has a terrible diet as by sounds of it do you.

Not going to the park does not make them bad grandparents.

You clearly don't like them. I'd stay home the next time.

OP, I don't think you've responded to the various questions about whether you told your in-laws about the things you and your children don't eat. If you did, I think it's somewhat rude of them to have served something they know you all dislike. But I don't think you can simply assume they don't know about your family's eating limitations if (as appears to be the case) you don't see them very often. People forget this stuff. It sounds as though everyone would benefit from a bit of expectation setting - tell them in advance what you don't/can't eat; maybe also say the kids will be a bit stir crazy after hours in the car so we'll go straight for a run-around when we get to you &c. Again, if they're not used to seeing you it's easy to forget the havoc young children can wreak and the energy they take up!

I do think that if you are a fussy eater (or know the kids are), the onus has to be on you to let people know your dietary preferences or to bring things (like breakfast cereals) you know people are happy with. I think it is rude to reject people's food when they've cooked it in good faith, not knowing your dislikes.

As for the bashing of elderly Welsh people - I grew up in Wales and when I went to visit my elderly ENGLISH relatives, guess what - lots of them had houses full of glass cabinets and knick-knacks. Don't think it's exclusively West of Offa's Dyke ;-)