To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

Sorry, that should have been do know about your family's eating limitations!

My family live in South Wales (and yes, they do like a nicnac and a lamb roast). It is a four hour drive, but we have never seen the need to get up at 4.30. That is just madness. No wonder you are so tetchy.

Manners are the oil that makes civilisation run smoothly. You sound very young and your children will struggle in their social interactions if you do not model better social skills to them.

Nope she hasn't.

"AIBU"
"YABU"
Flounces 🙄

I feel so sorry for the PIL.

No wonder you're a bit grumpy op, you were on the road at 4.30?! Where do you live that necessitates leaving at that godforsaken time? I've done long journeys to and from Wales for years and successfully avoided traffic without getting up in the middle of the night. You and the in laws sound as bad as each other when it comes to the food. Two immovable forces.

I want to know what qualifies as 'old

Me too. I'm 48 and a gran. I must be officially old then. In my defence I had my family very young

If I cooked a nice meal and my nieces fussed I would think meh kids. If be a bit annoyed (as I am if mine fuss) but would get on with it. If an adult fussed I would be pissed.

Unless you have an intolerance or allergy just eat the food ffs. It's called being polite and a well mannered person. If I am given something I hate at someone's house I just eat it, maybe not all of it but I make a decent attempt then thank them because that's what grown ups do.

Sounds like you are looking for excuses to hate your in laws to me. They made you a nice meal and you threw it back at them. They didn't want to sit on a cold park bench watching the kids from afar. The don't touch that is a bit annoying but if your sons have come in charging round the place I can see why it's needed.

Learn to relax, be less uptight, stop looking for things to hate and your life will probably improve

Oh op-you really don't get AIBU do you?!

A lot of HVs don't know the first thing about health (e.g. telling a MNetter to put her EBF 4 month old on a diet!)

That was me!!

Yes, that particular HV was a shameful idiot who could not grasp the concept of 'centiles' and should absolutely not have been dispensing 'advice'

Wow that was not what I was expecting would you all rather I force fed my child till he was sick!!!

Which post said you should do that?

Be careful about eating just sausage and chips. There was a little boy that died of scurvy recently.

Bodsauntflo I'm 50, with a 20 yo ds. I hope not to be a gran for a good while yet!!!

DD was incredibly fussy. She only wanted to eat one food stuff pretty much to the exclusion of all others and it would change every so often. So I tried to mix stuff with it. I think you should be encouraging this too. So put carrots on his plate each time and he will eventually try them. Then add another vegetable, ditto. Ketchup helps. It's all about getting as much variety in as possible. So when DD as a baby went through her toast stage for example, I would spread anything from squashed vegetables to puréed meat/veg on top.

Her diet has changed and she eats a variety although limited number of food stuffs and every now and then, we manage to add to the repertoire. She's 8. If you do this, things will settle. And I think you should perhaps consider trying to do this yourself.

I am fussy with food and I've eaten all sorts. Snails, frogs legs, small bird thing (pigeon perhaps?). I take the view that unless you really really hate something or are intolerant of it (celiac, ibs, allergies etc), not eating a meal is very unkind and disrespectful to your hosts. However, the Cheerios thing to me is baffling in relation to the in laws comments on unhealthy diets. I don't let DD have them more than weekly because they are basically sugar with more sugar on top.

Wow, you sound like a nightmare guest. If a roast lamb dinner is cooked, then surely if you don't like to eat lamb, you can eat everything else such as potatoes, vegetables etc. Load up on those instead. One of your DC only eats sausages and chips? What a dreadful diet. Your health visitor clearly doesn't know much about health if that's what she thinks is an ok diet.

Were you expecting to be handed a menu at dinner OP? They are your in-laws. They tried their best to provide their son's family with what, I imagine, they thought was nice, fairly safe Sunday dinner. Did they know you were exclusively on the sausage and chip diet?

These threads irk me no end. I have no parents and no in-laws therefore DD doesn't benefit from any grandparents. We would both happily sit down to a scabby sheep if it meant being welcomed into a loving family home for a meal.

I think this is a bit half and half.

I am a fussy eater and when we visit people who cook for me, I eat what I can. I wouldn't want to offend the cook by saying anything. I think it is good manners to be grateful for the meal.

My DM is even fussier than me and both me and DH were mortally offended when she came to us for a roast dinner and brought her own gravy To me, it's not the fussiness that is rude, it's the way it is handled.

For the lamb dinner I think you should have had roasties veg and gravy and not had any sausages.

And I think if your ds is fussy, at least he's eating something, however, I don't think it would do any harm for you to eat things you don't like, just a mouthful or two, if it encourages them to try too.

On the other hand, if you PILS are going to make comments all the time, they are making you feel unwelcome which makes them UR.
What is your DHs take on this?

The child only eats sausage and chips because his parents tolerate him being fussy. Just because the child only eats that does not mean you cannot put other foods on the plate ( every meal time) - say nothing and its up to the child if they eat it or not.
I put vegetables on my son's plate every day for months and months and one day he ate some. Now he eats any veg given.
It is surprising how many parents happily accept their child is a 'fussy eater'
If you are hungry you wouldn't be so fussy.

You are being horribly rude to them. Unless your food preferences are dictated medically, a polite person will at least eat a little of what is on offer regardless of whether they like it or not, and compliment and thank the chef.

Bad manners is what you are displaying, and that's why people are jumping on you. Because you are a bad mannered guest and you are teaching your children bad manners.

Gotta while I appreciate that you can try and encourage your children to try everything, I don't think you have had to deal with a truly fussy child.

When DD was little making her forego meals because she was fussy was not an option. She was very underweight and had health issues. I was just glad when she ate at all. Although she did eat more than just sausage and chips.

It may be that the son has some form of autism, as yet undiagnosed, so I don't think it is fair to keep criticizing the parents about his diet.

This is how the AIBU would be from MIL:

AIBU to be a bit pissed off with DIL?

So DIL has came to visit with DS and our DGC (3&4).

We thought they'd probably be hungry so made them a lovely roast dinner. As soon as they arrived the kids were being a bit boisterous. We should've probably put out ornaments etc up but didn't want to have to move them all so we told the children not to touch them.

DIL wanted to take them to the park but when we didn't seemed a bit huffy.

Anyway so it came to dinner and DIL said DGC who is 3 only eats chips and sausages (what not even sandwiches, crisps, fruity bars, soup?) and that 4 year old and DIL herself didn't want it!

I was of spent all that time preparing food! If they are so fussy why didn't she tell me what I could cook?!

To be honest this morning I did make a snide remark as she said she didn't like Cheerios. Now she's saying for us to go out and get an Indian tonight (we are probably expected to pay) so she can eat herself at our house.

AIBU ???

Definitely given me a disliking for these chat forums I thought we were all supposed to support each other as mums not make one feel much much worse than they already do!

Mumsnet is not called a nest of vipers for no reason. You'll either need to toughen up (especially if you post in AIBU FGS!) or try out Netmums. You'd have gotten the response you were looking for on NM. And you'd get to make yourself a sparkly ticker, too!

This is how the AIBU would be from MIL:

AIBU to be a bit pissed off with DIL?

So DIL has came to visit with DS and our DGC (3&4).

We thought they'd probably be hungry so made them a lovely roast dinner. As soon as they arrived the kids were being a bit boisterous. We should've probably put out ornaments etc up but didn't want to have to move them all so we told the children not to touch them.

DIL wanted to take them to the park but when we didn't seemed a bit huffy.

Anyway so it came to dinner and DIL said DGC who is 3 only eats chips and sausages (what not even sandwiches, crisps, fruity bars, soup?) and that 4 year old and DIL herself didn't want it!

I was of spent all that time preparing food! If they are so fussy why didn't she tell me what I could cook?!

To be honest this morning I did make a snide remark as she said she didn't like Cheerios. Now she's saying for us to go out and get an Indian tonight (we are probably expected to pay) so she can eat herself at our house.

AIBU ???

It may be that the son has some form of autism, as yet undiagnosed

Why on earth would you suspect he has autism at all? Where did that come from?

OP said he is a fussy eater - like herself. The most realistic assumption would to be the child's fussiness is tolerated if not encouraged by the parents.
Instead of her saying she encouraged the child to eat something, she dismissed the meal as something her child won't eat.
He only eats sausage and chips So, that's ok, we just give that all the time?
Fussy eating is ridiculously common. Parents are prepared to prepare several different meals to accommodate a family of fussy eaters.
It is a spoilt and brattish attitude that is getting worse.

My DC & ILs are all on the spectrum and have sensory issues around food. It's a nightmare but there is no way around it, certain foods make them very anxious (even the adults) and my eldest DS actually throws up with some foods.

I - on the other hand - will eat almost anything but I'm not keen on Cheerios. I can't imagine anyone I know being annoyed that I don't like Cheerios. Seriously.

I understand the OP and the feelings of frustration. It's the opposite of how you expect GPs to be. Kind & accommodating, caring and tolerant. The reality is that some are incredibly set in their ways and really quite selfish (DM, DF, MIL & FIL are all like that in some ways) but it's not easy when they're not your parents.

My ILs will never treat me or DH like adults, they can't do it, they'll always know better & simply can't respect their offspring.

Young children will only get into the habit of eating sausages and chips every day if someone allowed that to happen. Most parents wouldn't put the same food down to their child every day. If they don't like the food, they'll refuse to eat it but they will also learn that not eating offered food makes you feel more uncomfortable.

I have a couple of friends with children with autism. Both of them have very limited diets because of their autism.