To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

I don't understand why the OP didn't let her MIL know of her fussiness before visiting. I find that most odd. If any of my DC and their DP's come to visit and I'm making a meal I know their likes and dislikes. I personally think the OP visited her MIL and was looking to nitpick on anything. Why suggest everyone went out for an Indian when she doesn't like Indian food?

I must have been a terrible mother to my lot as it was eat it or leave it in this house.

I am not going to join in the 'in my day' brigade that love to put children down.

I don't recall Scarey saying anything about 'in my day' and I haven't seen anyone on here putting children down either.

I must have been a terrible mother to my lot as it was eat it or leave it in this house.

You would have been a terrible mother for me, I am sure you were not for your children - we parent the children we have.

My mum was far from perfect, but one of her parenting gold stars is that she never forced me to eat anything - and as you can see from this thread, there was a lot of peer pressure from parents in the 60s/70s to make children eat food they didn't want. I loved that I could totally trust her to protect me from the sort of women that would get pleasure in trying to force me to eat things that genuinely revolted me. I think it is why I have such a healthy relationship with food now - and you don't need to be on Mumsnet long to learn many women have very troubled relationships with food (and their bodily autonomy, actually).

I have DC 7 who is tube fed as has sensory problems and will only eat dry cream crackers and bread sticks, DD 5 who has intolerances to dairy and DS 8 suspected ASD and sensory problems.
When we go anywhere we just take what our kids WILL eat. When a meal is prepared the children will choose from what is on offer, even if it's just a potato and some carrots (Yorkshire puds go down well as are bland) and then if child is still hungry they can have something else like bread and butter.
I've found after many years of problems with fussy eaters that you do have to be tough and expand their palates.
You as an adult should have done the same and gone without the meat but eaten whatever else is on offer.
The cherios issue... We take our own cereal with us as the kids changes weekly and DH will only eat honey nut cornflakes.
I think ... And I can empathise... YABU!
It should be you saying don't touch, be calm...go in the garden to let off steam... Not the GP's... This is their home!

Whathe Having taught, I know there are entitled kids out there....that's not putting them down, it's a statement of fact. My own ds can be a tad entitled at times, despite my best efforts, but he only does it with us, and he will soon learn what response he gets if acts like that once he's left the uni bubble.

The current generation face some problems yes, but then, so did mine, and yours I expect. I left sixth form in 1984 and finding a job was tough....there weren't many, and wiping bottoms on a psycho-geriatric ward didn't pay a huge amount iirc.

I don't suppose ' the youth of today' (and that was said about my generation....you must be channelling my Gran) are any different to how we were in that there will be nice and nasty amongst them. They don't all go around with halos on.

captainkanga 2kids you forgot the Shirley Bassey CDs

And the photograph of Max Boyce being playfully tossed into the air by The Pontypool Front Row, as a Methodist Male Voice Choir sets fire to a holiday cottage in the background . . .

To those, who say children are fussy because they've been allowed to be fussy. Didn't some of you have babies, who would only eat one or two foods?

DD had various stages starting from way less than 1 yr old. Greek yoghurt phase and toast phase were particularly challenging to give DD anywhere near a balanced diet. She literally would not eat anything other than cereals, Greek yoghurt, puréed Apple/pear and banana. She then opened her repertoire but had a large penchant for cottage pie and once this phase was complete and she'd reached 2, she wanted eggs, eggs, eggs.

I find it hard to class a baby of less than one year old as a fussy eater. Some children become more obsessed by certain foods. DD has some sensory issues and wouldn't eat proper food (lumps) until she was more than 2. So I think sweeping statements about fussy kids can be unfair. I've tried very hard to get DD to eat a variety of meals.

I've just made cheese and potato pie. Cheesy mash at its finest.

My mum was far from perfect, but one of her parenting gold stars is that she never forced me to eat anything - and as you can see from this thread, there was a lot of peer pressure from parents in the 60s/70s to make children eat food they didn't want

It was more eat it or leave it...not forcing children to eat stuff they didn't want. There were no alternatives offered so consequently, kids were less fussy and actually felt hungry when they came to the table due to not being fed snacks in between meals.
There was none of this 'What do you want for dinner?' Mainly because there wasn't enough money to pander to fads and wants. Meals were what people needed, not because parents were mean...because they couldn't be so indulgent.
That's why there was not an obesity problem back then.

2kids2dogs I think I've caused an internal injury from laughing too hard!

Didn't some of you have babies, who would only eat one or two foods?

All of my children ate most things. I was very lucky looking back tbh. I was very young when I had my children and my MIL came round most days to help me out as I had 4 children under 5. When I had my children there was no internet to ask for advice and my HV was useless therefore I looked to my MIL for help. Again, I was extremely lucky as she was fab with home cooked recipes that she adapted for my children with no salt or sugar.

Captainkanga

My work here is done. (takes a bow)

mumaaaaaah
I have literally no idea what you mean by that remark.
Again, I will not eat food that I actively dislike. Why should I?? Just to please someone else? No thank you.
And neither will my dc.
I have fond memories of sitting at the table, in the 70's, crying as I tried to force down the lumpy soup that my mum tried to make me eat. I sat there for what seemed like hours, not allowed down till I'd finished it. I physically couldn't.
I will never ever force my dc to eat food they don't like. And I sure as hell am not eating food I loathe out of politeness.
If I have guests at my house, whether children or adults, I will do my best to ensure that there are plenty of things that they like. And if they don't like something, no problem. I just take it away and offer them something else.
My ds wouldn't eat a thing at his own soft play 3rd birthday party, despite the best efforts of the lovely staff. I had just forgotten to bring something for him in the rush to get out the door.
He was absolutely hyper from lack of food and then reached a stage where he wouldn't eat anything at all! If he's going to a party, I take sandwiches for him and tell the party mum not to include him in the cost per head for food, as he won't eat it. Every mum has been grateful for the heads up and the cost saving as it allowed them to ask someone else.
If I'm going somewhere where I know there won't really be anything that I like, I'll eat beforehand. It's not a problem.
I'm not and never have been rude to anyone who has hosted me or my dc.
I am actually extremely well-mannered and so are my dc. They've often been complimented on their manners when out.
We don't all like the same things in life. That's what makes us human and unique.
I'm still NOT eating food I dislike, neither will my DC. Not to please anyone.
I once ate prawn cocktail and fish soup to please my future MIL when I was 18, I almost brought the lot back up, st the dinner table.
After that, I just politely said,
"No thank you, I'm sure it's lovely but I don't like fish. (Or whatever) " And did without if necessary.
So maybe you can explain your rather caustic remark???

Most of the respondents think you are being rude to your hosts more than unreasonable actually. You don't get that.

If you and your children are fussy eaters then its your problem not your hosts. Bring your own food, take your hosts out to dinner, apologise for being difficult, notice how yoùr husband must feel, try to be nice in other ways.

I think it can be about social class and sophistication.

(Unless you have major sensory issues/food allergies/or dietary preferences related to culture or ethical standpoint.)

While it might be superficially polite for an adult to say, 'Oh don't worry about me, I'll just bring my sandwiches' on a deeper level saying that is a rejection of somebody else's attempt to include you in a group - whether that's a business group or something more social/recreational.

I hate to say it, but you being a fussy eater is creating problems for your kids. As an adult, you should be able to eat practically anything put in front of you even if you don't like it. It's just polite. It also shows your kids that you try new things, you don't always have to like everything, and that's okay. You should bet he one encouraging them, not saying you only eat what you like. YABU.

Fussy adult eater [shudder]

Yes god forbid adults dislike any type of food hey. [shudder]

When I'm going to stay with family, I often discreetly take some cereal bars so that I know there is always something to keep me going! Then my approach is to try anything they cook (I have some bad cooks in my family!) but to say that it was lovely but I am just not very hungry if I end up leaving some of it.

I don't think of myself as a fussy eater, but I do struggle with having to eat exclusively what somebody else chooses to cook for several days. Personally I hate being a guest in somebody else's house because I hate the loss of control and the pressure to be grateful for everything. It is difficult because some people love hosting and most people are very kind and make a huge effort. However, I just end up missing my vast array of takeaway options and handy M&S Simply Food!

I don't think the OP was unreasonable in relation to her son. However, I think there was a more sensitive way that she could have handled her own food choices - definitely joining in with the roast dinner but perhaps also adding a sausage to the side (so that her son didn't feel left out )!

passmethewineplease
Exactly.
I'm a people-pleaser in many ways but this isn't one of them.

whattheseithakasmean

The neighbour didn't offer me the coffee she had already made it, she's very lonely with no living family she's desperate for company therefore it was her way of have me stay longer, bless her but you know what I actually didn't find it as awful as I thought. ... I think this is the lesson I will teach my daughters!!

i think you have some issues you need to deal with if you think being polite and accepting a coffee from a elderly neighbour is somehow teaching my DDs to put things they shouldn't/don't want into there bodys!!! I mean had the old lady offered me drugs i wouldn't have accept them!!! massive difference!!

Yes passmethewine, because disliking, perhaps aubergines, is tantamount to being fussy.

I'm talking about adult that don't like roasts. So... You don't like meat that's not encased in batter, you don't like vegetables, you don't like potatoes. Some pretty big food groups there.

You said it tiger, it is a "massive difference"

YABU because you aren't teaching your children that it's rude to be fussy about what you eat in other people's houses when they have gone to the trouble of cooking for you. I'm pretty fussy myself but always eat at least a bit of whatever is prepared for me. Then I just say I'm full up. My children were taught to do the same as soon as they were old enough. When they were very young like yours if they didn't like the food they didn't have to eat it but they got nothing else.

I think it's normal to quietly despair of fussy eaters. It's rather annoying.