To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

I feel really sorry for you. My daughter had selective eating disorder and had to have therapy to help her widen her food choices. She is much better now but I still bring my own plain pizza with me if I take her to anyone's house for lunch - it is just too risky. They sound disapproving in general though and unwelcoming. If I had guests coming, I would always check what they like eating and would cater for them, not expect them to eat any old thing. What an awful holiday for you. I know we have to do these things out of duty but I really sympathise.

Rowenag very well said

I will always accommodate guests and their needs. However, if I am not told in advance of any issues / preferences, I'd be mightily pissed off at the OP and her kid for being so rude as to refuse food I'd made. Nightmare guests.

I wonder if there is another universe somewhere where your in laws are posting about you and your fussiness? Would probably be interesting hearing from their POV, which we never will of course.

bengal I know!!!

Cheese. In mash. Unfuckingbelievable!

Cheesy mash smothered in baked beans mmmmmmm

Why are people treating people who are fussy as if they are deliberately fussy? Believe me, we who have these problems with so many foods do not choose this and it causes mayhem every time we go out... When I am out with friends I usually am on the lookout for the one dish on a menu I can actually eat... So much for making a meal out a pleasurable experience! And yes, I have to phone ahead every time I am invited out, etc. and have truly embarrassing conversations which go pretty much the way of this whole thread!!! Where's the OP you ask? Where do you think?!

Why are fussy eaters so annoying? IME they tend to bring their own stuff anyway or let you know in advance not to worry about cooking for them?

why does someone's else's appetite/taste annoy people so much? I don't get it.

I also don't get why someone would cook a huge meal and not actually check if anybody likes/dislikes it first.

If you don't want to cook for someone fussy then don't! Or be a good host and accommodate them. If you're not cooking for them then I don't see why it grates people so much.

Such a weird topic on MN, fussy adult eaters are the devil on here.

You sound like an utter pain in the backside to be frank and bloody rude to boot. Polite people would suck it up princess. I bet they can't wait until you've gone home

YANBU and as for the doormats that say you are because you're not obeying what you're expected to do, they should stop being so false.

A grown adult should eat a meal that is served without complaint, otherwise it's rude and you're setting a bad example. As for the Cheerios they are packed with sugar and I would bring my own porridge if they didn't supply. Breakfast should be whatever you would normally eat imo.

It's not being a doormat to have some social graces and politeness. Of course allergies, sensory disorders etc must all be accommodated. And recognising that children can be fussy and that it can go in phases is also sensible. But being able to fit in most places, be a good guest, go with the flow and adapt are qualities which make life so much easier.

YANBU and as for the doormats that say you are because you're not obeying what you're expected to do, they should stop being so false.

How to win friends and influence people.

Let's start telling everyone we come into contact with exactly what we think. That'll work well.

I am astonished you've got to 30/almost 30 without learning basic etiquette.

If you're a guest, you don't touch other people's things and you ensure your DC don't either (your hosts having to ask them doesn't reflect too well on you or them)

You cannot refuse their food and cook your own, that's an extraordinarily ignorant move and whether they're family or not, I'm appalled that you think it's ok.

If you genuinely have dietary restrictions, it's unthinkable not to communicate this, clearly and politely, to your hostess well in advance of your visit.

I think perhaps you should just leave. They cannot possible be enjoying your company either.

Perhaps if you let your DH visit them and you stay at home and widen your and your DC's food repertoire instead you might become a more welcome visitor.

I'm with you OrpheuswiththeUnderpants I would dearly LOVE to be able to eat anything and everything. I don't go out with colleagues anymore as they usually go to restaurants where I would not be able to find a 'plain' meal to suit and then there would be the sarky comments to endure. Just the sight of an onion in my meal makes we want to throw up let alone try to eat the bloody thing.

Thank you passmethewineplease - voice of reason!

It depends how it's handled. The reason that I, and many people on here, get so aerated about adult fussy eaters is that I have met more than one who genuinely seemed confuse having the palate of a toddler with having a fascinating and quirky personality. Positively beaming as they regale you with their various dislikes and foibles.....zero self awareness that they came across as self obsessed and frankly dull.

I am equally sure I have met a lot of fussy eaters and have no idea that they are, as they just crack on and make the best of things. I have no problems with that. I have IBS myself and it can be tricky. My life does not revolve around it though.

Gottagetmoving in tge first post from the OP she says they were only through the door and they're been chastised every minute, so taking what she posted on face value I don't see that ask kids being just told not to touch thing I see that as adults being OTT about exactly how much self control a three year old can possibly have after a long car journey

A three year old doesn't have full self control ... that's why they have parents. I will concede that if you know young children are coming, you remove stuff you don't want damaging...but it really is not traumatic for children to be told not to touch stuff you don't want them to touch.
Sadly,...many parents don't put these boundaries in place so they get pissed off when other people do. These parents create the problems,...not the kids, and certainly not the people they visit.

I guess I could be classed as fussy eater. In my defence I grew up eating Eastern European foods, so most regular foods in UK taste bland to me. Lucky for me I don't go to visit people for more than few hours, so don't actually have to eat anything, because we never stay for dinner.
I have only tried the cooking of my MIL, which is amazing (Christmas dinner is always awesome), and my sisters MIL, which I wasn't so keen on, but ate some of it anyway and then gave the rest to DH. In his opinion it was great.
I don't think I'm rude for doing this. I just can't force myself to eat stuff that I don't like.
I also don't eat lamb. The smell is just too bad.

But I would never write a thread about people not cater to my every wish. That's just ridiculous. I would instead eat whatever parts of dinner I can, and definitely apologised 200+ times. Maybe would also offered to cook next time.

You should always be polite to your hosts and try to hide any issues with the food or with anything else. My in-laws are a complete nightmare, but I try very hard when we go there.

However, what's with all the 'I'm better than you because I taught my children not to be fussy' bullshit? ?

Some people are very fussy about food. Ever heard of the super-taster phenomenon? It's a thing. One of my children is hyper-sensitive to taste/smell. She will gag at what someone else is eating. We work hard to expand her diet (with some success) but it's a bloody hard up hill struggle. Not saying whether or not the OP is tackling it well (but she does mention HV involvement) - but I don't like the way this thread has turned into a general slagging off of fussy eaters.

If you or your parents did the 'eat it or leave it' thing and it worked pretty well... then there wasn't a genuinely fussy eater in the equation to begin with! Jeez, it's like when people say 'Oh, I just used a good baby lotion and my child never had eczema.' FFS don't boast about how you cured/prevented a problem that you didn't have in the first place!

FWIW the 'eat it or leave it' thing did work with my younger child because she wasn't genuinely fussy/troubled by tastes. But some kids are. Congratulations if yours aren't. But it's not because you're 'better'.

I think when you've been up early travelling for ages with young children it's not too much to ask for a bit of understanding that the kids might need to let off a bit of steam when you arrive at your destination. I've been in this situation and it's actually horrible and not a nice welcome at all. It wouldn't hurt them to put the breakables away when you visit and make it more child friendly.

You sound like you need to grow up. As a parent you should be doing your upmost to properly feed your children and you are setting a poor example. Sausages and chips is not healthy. High salt, high fat, highly processed. No fibre. Etc etc. You and your children will be missing vital nutrients, minerals and trace elements. You are asking for health problems for you and your children.

Grow up and start taking responsibility.
Disliking your inlaws is the least of your problems.

Anyone who doesn't like cheesy mash is a heathen! What about cheese n tater pie? food of the gods

If you think that what you've described is seen as horrible in laws then you're lucky lol I'm sure there's people in here who actually do have nasty in laws and would happily trade for "they made me food I don't like" lol

I have a son with ASD and that is often accompanied by food quirks - I know other non-ASD kids do also sometimes have genuine issues, and it's hard when you visit other people. I think DS is pretty easy to feed, because I know what he likes, (all roast meat, yorkshires, all potatoes, most veg, fish/fishfingers, ham, pate, prawns, rice, plain pasta, chinese chicken balls, certain plain pizzas and cheap chipolatas. Oh and lots of ketchup and vinegar!). We recently went to my brother's and I was mortified, everything was slightly wrong (eg orange juice with bits not smooth, butchers sausages, Dominos pizza) and eventually he had toast and marmalade! DB offered various fruit options and carrot/ cucumber /pepper sticks and when I said no, he asked, in desperation "so how does he get his 5 a day?" I did feel slightly vindicated to be able to reply (to my veg-hating sibling) "well he loves sprouts, broccoli, peas, carrots, sweetcorn......." But it is a nightmare, both for us parents and for the hosts! Best thing is plenty of forewarning and taking your own stuff, plus I do think as an adult we should do our best to mitigate the awkwardness by eating everything on offer and not adding to the complaints. And I LOVE roast lamb!