To think that they should shut the fuck up

[KatMcGee]

I don't like DH's family.

They don't like me.

We've been together for 5 years, married for 2, we live in London whilst DH's family thankfully live way up north.

I'm not the easiest person to deal with but I'm not horrid, I keep to myself, I don't really do nature or cooking or anything that takes me away from a mobile signal

DH has a massive family and every summer they all meet up at his parents property, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins which is in the middle of nowhere.

I did this once 4 years ago and I hated every bloody second of it, they go hiking at dawn, they have family sports days, which is just grown men kicking a ball around whilst the women cheer from the sidelines , tend to kids etc

I've managed to avoid it ever since but this year DH wouldn't relent and he managed to talk me into it.

It's day 2 and I'm ready to head home. It seems that all of DH's excuses over the years weren't believed and I've been assigned the role of the evil daughter in law.

Everyone keeps giving me snide comments.

They were up at dawn for their fucking hike yesterday and I crawled out of bed to join in and not be a spoilsport and I was bombarded with snide comments

SIL: "Oh dear, if you can't keep up, you shouldn't have come along"

A random aunt: "those boots look brand new, I hope you're not throwing DH's money away" I work, I earn more than DH, I don't hike, so I had to buy boots and when I told this to random aunt, she looked at MIL and said "you were right about her"

Yesterday afternoon when all the woman were cooking in the kitchen, I was in the bedroom as I can't cook but another SIL called me down and so I went down.

"Oh why'd you bring her down" said very fucking loudly by MIL "I mean she won't be much help, girl can't even cook"

I ignored her, went on my phone as they were going on about little Barnaby (not his real name) teething and not coping well with all the noise/people.

I sat their thinking, why bring a teething toddler to this mad house but kept my mouth shut.

BIL walks through the door, joins in the Barnaby talk, looks at me and says "you'll be dealing with all this soon" I pulled a face, it was a natural reaction, lasted only for a second

MIL pipes up "Oh didn't you know, Madam over there doesn't want children, she's too busy with her career" it was said with a smile but with so much fucking venom.

I smiled and said "DH, can't stand the little brats either" then bombarded DH with texts. He walked in five minutes later and I've refused to let him leave my side.

He didn't go out to the lake with all the boys this morning and sat right next to me throughout this afternoons barbecue. This has only led to more comments, if I hear one more snide remark I'm going to tell them to shut the fuck up and then leave.

I won't survive till Friday, I'm thinking of faking ill tonight and leaving in the morning but DH refuses to play along.

m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=AIB2nkUfeWw

I like the lyrics to that song user thank you Had not heard it.
The OP has gone to pack, is having a showdown, is grinning and bearing it or is hissing at DH whilst kicking him under the table

M0therofdragons.

To put it simply you can have your opinion, but I believe you are wrong.

Relationships aren't that simple between in-laws and other extended fam members.

I'm with the OP on this one. Remember this is a gathering of people who have known each other forever. They obviously bitch about the OP behind her back (hence the comment about ' you were right about her '). I would absolutely hate this situation. Five days is far too much. A weekend is about all I could manage. I would be sneaking out first thing leaving them a note telling them how unwelcome you have felt, how uncomfortable you have been in their presence, how you have tried and that you might have failed, but that you have tried, whereas they don't seem to have made you feel welcome. And then I would be off and frankly would not be going back. Your DH can go and see his family on his own, they probably would prefer that. But you married him and not his family, you owe them nothing, so get out of there and go and do something fun. Life really is too short. I hope you have packed by now and have got the timetable for tomorrow's trains locked in your head with a taxi booked for 7am. Good luck!

Some of these comments have me like

You didn't have a chance OP. They've already decided they don't like you and this week of "family fun" is going to consist of a whole bunch of passive aggressive behaviour and if you react negatively to any of it, everything they have assumed about you is true.

You can't win. You have already made an effort to join in and they clearly don't give a shit. They have a few years of frustration ready to be released from all those precious sports days and hikes you missed, they're coming for you. Run OP, run!

So you expected them to all cook for you? You're seriously telling me can't even cut up some veg?

Not all of them, no, because the precious men weren't lowering themselves to cook. I'd opt out just for that reason tbh.

m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=_wM0Zn3493o

^ pike I just remembered this is a Xmas movie. You cannot watch it in August, it goes against everything I believe in

Life's too short OP.

I just couldn't be bothered, go home!

Am I reading the same thread as everyone else?
Has no one else picked up on MIL's comment: "Oh didn't you know, Madam over there doesn't want children, she's too busy with her career".
I think op could be doing more to get on with her in laws but I don't think that she should have to stand there and put up with comments like that.

NRTFT but read all the OP's comments

Kat I am totally with you. They sound like a fucking nightmare bunch of people and extremely sexist. There was probably no need for the brat comment but really if they're having jibes at you all day and commenting about your lifestyle choices why the fuck shouldn't you snap back at them?

It sounds like my idea of hell, I loathe sports snobs who sneer because you don't want to spend a morning pissing about some woods. And the idea of sitting by the sidelines cheering on a load of men asserting their masculinity like some sort of deranged 'soccer mom' makes me want to vomit a little.

Has anyone at any point ever asked if you fancy doing anything?

If you do ever have kids I assure you visits will be 1000 times worse. I'd make it the last long visit and stick to odd days or weekends.

Did you leave BTW?

^ She didn't put up with it. She said Yes and DH doesn't like the little brats either!
Don't take any advice from me OP. My late MIL called me a bitch once. And she liked me.

The only people who get to call me madam are the waiters in snooty restaurants...

Kimny I love the Family Stone! I'm not sure if we were meant to hate SJP's character but his family were totally disgusting and vile especially the twat of a sister who I was hoping at some point would go and play in traffic

I think we were meant to feel sorry for her pinky but for the sibling swap romvom bit to work, we had to believe she was not the right fit for Dermot and needed laid back Lovely Luke in order to chill out more.
I liked SJP, found DK to be a bit too DK-ey, but crushed on LW for weeks. Plot was mawky mawkish but as romcoms go it went.

Have you packed yet?

That week sounds like my idea of hell, too. I'm definitely an 'indoor girl' and if you think I'm going to cook and serve whilst 'the menz' sit watching sports you are out of your ever-livin' mind! Not family, but DH's friendship group when we met were very, very sporty and outdoorsy. Sleeping bag on the ground, make fire with two sticks outdoorsy. I told DH that my idea of 'roughing it' was a hotel without room service. I tried it 'his way' once, never again!

If it were me, I'd probably pack, then pull nice SiL aside and explain that it's nothing to do with her (don't burn that bridge) but that the rest have made you feel out of step and unwelcome, so you are leaving. Or at least leave her a note saying the same.

Life is too short to spend time with people who make rude, cutting comments.

The sexism and nastiness on this thread is ridiculous. OP those sexist bastards that are your in laws were never going to like you because you don't fit the mold of the 'good little wife and mother' I would simply (and have done) refuse to spend any time with people like that. I personally think a good lot of the posters here are coming across as horrible versions of stepford wives themselves. Why should she get into the kitchen with a smile on her face? I would be mortified to be that sort of woman. Go home, quickly.

They sound spiteful and are possibly aware they're winding you up. Insidious remarks. Not surprised you want your DH with you. They may feel threatened by your nit joining in with their activities. I'd want to run!

Your in laws are not your people
Ye can't fake it till ye make it!
There is no benefit to you if you bend, believe me I know.
You'll eventually bend back and want to kill them

Leave without drama or door slamming. Tell your Dh its
Irreconcilable differences!

Let him decide what he does. I'd let him leave if he wanted to. Go home have noisy sex & eat take always.

It's a fuckin reduculous idea to do family holidays after the age of 21 anyway!

Sounds like hell, they sound mean. But you seriously in your marriage have only 4 times been near his family?

Feel vastly unfair on your DH if he "likes this kind of thing". Stop making him be by your side, ignore the comments and just suck it up for a week FFS!

Meet the Parents

It sounds to me like you hold them in contempt because of what they like to do and how they organise themselves as a family. Unsurprisingly they know this, they may be Northern but they're not stupid. And so they hold you in contempt too. You've made this situation I'm afraid op. They will all be much happier when you leave, how sad.

Why won't your DH stay if you leave?

He enjoys being with them and you don't so in the long run he'll need to see them alone?

If the OP has posted meekly, everyone would be flocking about how awful and abusive and narcissistic her MIL is and to go NC.

But because she was low contact and has the audacity to stand up for herself, she's selfish for depriving her DH of his family, blah blah blah. She TOLD DH to go without her. He wouldn't. That was HIS choice. God, AIBU can be so hypocritical.

Also some real nastiness on this thread. Thankfully, OP seems she can handle herself. I wish I had her confidence.

The OP doesn't actually say she can't cook - the MIL declared that she can't.

I'm with you, OP, they sound horrible. Get out!

To be honest, I don't blame his family. To have not come in 4 years really isn't good. Abd you don't even appear to be trying! Just because you aren't a good cook doesn't mean you can't put your phone down and slice some cucumber. Or hell, wash the dishes!

Sure they've made some snide remarks, but so have you. It's your husband's family. They're important to him, so you should be doing your best to get on with them for his sake. I'm sure you'd expect that of him with your family.