To think that they should shut the fuck up

[KatMcGee]

I don't like DH's family.

They don't like me.

We've been together for 5 years, married for 2, we live in London whilst DH's family thankfully live way up north.

I'm not the easiest person to deal with but I'm not horrid, I keep to myself, I don't really do nature or cooking or anything that takes me away from a mobile signal

DH has a massive family and every summer they all meet up at his parents property, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins which is in the middle of nowhere.

I did this once 4 years ago and I hated every bloody second of it, they go hiking at dawn, they have family sports days, which is just grown men kicking a ball around whilst the women cheer from the sidelines , tend to kids etc

I've managed to avoid it ever since but this year DH wouldn't relent and he managed to talk me into it.

It's day 2 and I'm ready to head home. It seems that all of DH's excuses over the years weren't believed and I've been assigned the role of the evil daughter in law.

Everyone keeps giving me snide comments.

They were up at dawn for their fucking hike yesterday and I crawled out of bed to join in and not be a spoilsport and I was bombarded with snide comments

SIL: "Oh dear, if you can't keep up, you shouldn't have come along"

A random aunt: "those boots look brand new, I hope you're not throwing DH's money away" I work, I earn more than DH, I don't hike, so I had to buy boots and when I told this to random aunt, she looked at MIL and said "you were right about her"

Yesterday afternoon when all the woman were cooking in the kitchen, I was in the bedroom as I can't cook but another SIL called me down and so I went down.

"Oh why'd you bring her down" said very fucking loudly by MIL "I mean she won't be much help, girl can't even cook"

I ignored her, went on my phone as they were going on about little Barnaby (not his real name) teething and not coping well with all the noise/people.

I sat their thinking, why bring a teething toddler to this mad house but kept my mouth shut.

BIL walks through the door, joins in the Barnaby talk, looks at me and says "you'll be dealing with all this soon" I pulled a face, it was a natural reaction, lasted only for a second

MIL pipes up "Oh didn't you know, Madam over there doesn't want children, she's too busy with her career" it was said with a smile but with so much fucking venom.

I smiled and said "DH, can't stand the little brats either" then bombarded DH with texts. He walked in five minutes later and I've refused to let him leave my side.

He didn't go out to the lake with all the boys this morning and sat right next to me throughout this afternoons barbecue. This has only led to more comments, if I hear one more snide remark I'm going to tell them to shut the fuck up and then leave.

I won't survive till Friday, I'm thinking of faking ill tonight and leaving in the morning but DH refuses to play along.

To have not come in 4 years really isn't good

I didn't realise marriage automatically meant that you had to spend holidays with your inlaws forever.

and why can OPs DH slice some cucumber and wash the dishes

Loved the family stone😅

Relationships with in laws are very complicated - mine are a nightmare, but I accept they are important to dh (and luckily he sees the madness) so I bite my tongue and smile. In ops situation my dh would be joining us in the kitchen proving that it's not me being difficult and it's a joint decision to be the way we are. The family probably think op made her dh miss time with them and it's all her fault where as maybe he would rather be doing activities with her. The choice not to have a baby seems to be ops in the mind of the mil - well dh can change that by being clear it's his too that's why you are a good match. If dh isn't backing you up (and I don't mean agreeing with you behind closed doors) then you will always appear to be the difficult one. United front is needed and show everyone what a great couple you are. Have a sense of humour "okay I'm crap at cooking but can I wash something up?" Families can be hard work but no point making things harder.

No advice but really want to watch family stone now...

But I do both sympathise and think you were mad to go on holiday with them. If you go by Einstein's definition of madness that is...

I haven't read the entire thread - about half though.

The whole thing sounds like a fucking nightmare. The football match alone would have finished me off.

I think as you get older and realise that this really is it and you only get one life you stop doing stuff like this. I have and I am all the happier for it. I do everything for my kids and will bend over backwards willingly for them but everyone else can whistle. Go home.

I see both POVs and have been coerced into a family weekend this month. I'm dreading it and it's my bloody family! They've all just been abroad for two weeks and I've had comments from cousins/aunts passed on via 'd'm about how there's no reason I couldn't have gone. How about I don't want to give up 2 weeks and about £2000 when they'd booked up accommodation for themselves and I'd have to stay elsewhere?!

Ooh, sorry, slight rant there!

For the sake of the DH's family, I would do epic walks and help with the cooking etc, but I'd definitely not be happy with the sexes segregating themselves in that fashion.

Kat's gone, probably been browbeaten into doing crochet or weaving an eiderdown or whatever is expected of the wimminfolk of what sounds like a weird cult.

Kat - make a stand! Go hunting, fishing, walking, whatever with the males of this tribe if that's what you want to do. You've tried your best with the women and you're definitely an outsider, and you'll probably never be accepted so why keep on trying after all your effort? Fuck them.

If your husband wants to go home with you then, fine. If he grimaces when you're at his side, tough. You've tried your best, you're not going to fit in, it's like chalk and cheese.

At least you've got internet access to keep you going!

I can but hope the OP has not returned to the thread because she has finished her packing and is now driving home.

Her husband's family are a bunch of bullying craven arseholes, ganging up on the new girl. Their gender-segregated activities where the womenfolk are clearly the staff for the superior menfolk - fuck it, no, I wouldn't be joining in either. I wouldn't be hiding behind my phone, but that is because I am so old I still think a phone should have a rotating dial, so I'd be escaping the horror by immersing myself in a newspaper, memorising the fucking share prices if need be.

The comments made by MIL and aunt are fucking horrendous and anyone who can tell the OP that they should be sucking this up should hang their head in shame at joining in with the bullying. As should her husband for his guilt-tripping '''I'll leave if you leave' schtck. Arsehole. Probably learned at his mother's knee.

MrZippy was the last of his siblings to marry and all of the other wives are at least 20 years older than me. Except for his sister, who is the loveliest person I know, they all treat me like his first wife. We've been married for over 20 years. I would rather deep fry my own tits than spend a whole week with these people. So full marks for going along, OP, I wouldn't have.

I think that sometimes the key to a civil relationship is distance. You could probably get to a point where you can manage inconsequential chat and friendly Christmas cards, but only if you don't really have to actually meet. Leaving now will create a story which will be re-told every year for decades ("Ooh, do you remember when her fucking ladyship flounced off in a tantrum?the nerve of the woman!") but since you won't have to be there to hear it, you don't need to care.

Oh I don't know, its all a nit chicjen and egg isn't it? I tend to agree with Northernlurker. Op in an ideal world would you just never see these relatives at all? That's a bit tough on your dh imho. My mil and fil have hopelessly outdated views about domestic jobs and a womans role in life but I manage not to go along with them whilst in their company without terminating our entire relationship.

Just because you aren't a good cook doesn't mean you can't put your phone down and slice some cucumber. Or hell, wash the dishes!

Fuck that is depressing - wonder if anyone would say this to a bloke

Oh and yes Luke Wilson was so adorable in the Family Stone. Really didn't like Dermot whatshisface's character but he always gets cast as a bit of a twat I find! And I welled up very much at the moment (SPOILER ALERT) Diane Keaton shows she's had a double mastectomy. And how her pregnant daughter just knows the cancer is back

Just because you aren't a good cook doesn't mean you can't put down your phone and slice some cucumber. Or hell, wash the dishes.

Fuck the fuck off to fucksville, and when you get there fuck off some more!

Kat can do what her husband does, and if her husband goes hunting, shooting and fishing, so can she! FFS! What fucking century are we living in? It sounds like the husband's family are firmly stuck in 1890.

Clare Danes was a bit of a nobber as well. Her sister goes missing and she trots through the street banging on about a monk in Alaska while Dermot Thingy bats his boring eyes at her.

Ooh I really wanna watch it now!

It doesn't sound as though she'd enjoy hunting, shooting and fishing any more than cooking.

pike they are indeed brothers, both starred in Royal Tennenbaums. There is also another (older) brother but he's like an Andy Gibb or Daniel Baldwin

This sounds like one of those Romcoms.

In fact it sounds like the romcom 'The proposal'

Uptight career focused mean business woman is dragged to a country retreat/ family home of a traditional happy family who don;t like her.

Are you Sandra Bullock op?

ilovesooty probably not, but at least she'd be with her husband, and she'd be getting some use out of the walking boots. In my experience of being a pig-headed 'I'll do whatever I want' stubborn cow, men are a lot kinder in showing you how to do things, especially if you are halfway clever and pick it up quickly.

ooh I want to buy the girls' guide to hunting and fishing on my kindle. It was short stories and they made it into a film with Alec Baldwin iirc when in my head it was George Clooney but Alec'd do.
Dermot was very good as paid gigolo in the Wedding Date.

It all comes together when you think about how similar the Wilson brothers' noses are!

On the subject of famous brothers I only found out about a year ago that Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez are brothers! I had to sit down to take that one in.