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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is life harder for unattractive people?

512 replies

CherryPicking · 06/08/2016 23:04

I know life can be hard for lots of reasons, and that discrimination can take many forms more serious than this, but putting all other factors aside just for now, is day to day life that little bit harder for less attractive people? For example, are people less likely to be accepting of someone behaving assertively, either at work or elsewhere, if the person in question isn't easy on the eye? (I'm not much to look at myself if that makes any difference). What about things like job interviews or social situations, meeting new people?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 07/08/2016 00:44

Yes I think it is harder.

TheStoic · 07/08/2016 00:45

It's pretty well established that physical attractiveness translates into better social and professional treatment.

There are plenty of studies, if anyone wants to do a quick google.

Canyouforgiveher · 07/08/2016 00:45

Also, did anyone see Giselle Bundchen at the Rio opening? Apart from the body, she is the most average looking woman I can imagine. But she believes she is stunning (with good reason) and people believe it too.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/08/2016 00:47

Giselle really isn't average looking. Average amongst models/other celebrities but not the general population.

hollieberrie · 07/08/2016 00:47

But to be honest I think it's more about attitude than looks. Some very average looking people have people wrapped round their fingers because they have confidence and something about them but some beautiful people lack confidence and actually blend into the background

Yes this. Agree totally Dick. I tried to make a similar point in my post but you have expressed it much better.

Dickcheese · 07/08/2016 00:47

Forgiveher - same as cara delevingne. I adore her but actually she's not prettier than lots of girls I see every day. It's her attitude that gets her far

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 00:49

Because I was a teen/early twenties and always turned down a drink from the nice ones.

Anyway, that wasn't my point. I was just giving examples of beauty privilege, and I don't want to derail.

FWIW turning down drinks doesn't deter attention. I get it out with my DC.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/08/2016 00:51

I thought that...once. I was that 1970's child in those glasses, that geeky teen in the 80's thinking Paul Young would fancy me etc. I never, ever, felt pretty until I married my partner, god i love them so much.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2016 00:51

I think it's more about charisma than looks to be honest.

Some people can walk into a room and light it up with charm, banter, confidence etc and if they have the genuine ability to make those around them feel better about themselves, that normally means they've got it in the bag.

Whereas some (and I do emphasise the word some) people who have been naturally beautiful all their lives, can have little to no personality, so in truth they're quite boring.

I feel like this about one or two celebrities both male and female, when they're on chat shows etc. The conversation can be like pulling teeth at times and I just can't wait for the next guest to be interviewed, no matter what they look like.

hungryhippo90 · 07/08/2016 00:51

When I was younger, 19-20,21 ish I was a lot slimmer, I took care in my appearance life was so fecking easy. At that time it felt like some people would be very helpful, offer help, generally want to speak to me. Know me.
I thought people were just nice... I thought that was the way the world worked!

I put on weight, I stopped taking an interest in my appearance, I aim for, tidy and mumsy nowadays. Light make up, choppy Bob (about 10 stone overweight!!)
I feel invisible. Its weird when you go from being quite attractive,to not, you really see a difference. Even women's reactions to me aren't the same anymore

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/08/2016 00:52

Strangely, when I seem to receive attention it is usually from married/taken men.

I can never work out why. Is it because if someone is seen talking to me then the wife isn't going to really feel threatened...

Is it because all the attractive people have already told them to piss off?

Or maybe it's because I think so little of myself I inadvertently don't filter as well as I should or believe there's actually a problem as it's me and guys don't go for me...

Or all of the above....

Who knows.

Irelephant · 07/08/2016 00:53

Isn't beauty objectionable?

I'd put myself as average DH thinks otherwise.

Although he's getting old his eyesight might just be goingGrin

Sorry for pp's who's had a bad time of it. Judging on looks alone is shallow as fuck.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 07/08/2016 00:54

Yes, I definitely think some beautiful people have been so indulged as a result of their looks that they haven't had to work as hard on developing an engaging personality.

And then you get annoying people like Paul Rudd who's gorgeous and funny and clever. Harumph.

(is it only me who thinks he's beautiful?)

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 00:55

Whereas some (and I do emphasise the word some) people who have been naturally beautiful all their lives, can have little to no personality, so in truth they're quite boring

This is very true, and it's almost like a side effect of being beautiful. Because everything is handed on a plate, they never bother to develop a personality, or for that matter, good manners/charm. There's a reason why the stereotype is gorgeous women are bitches!

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 00:56

I don't get the Paul Rudd love.

Charlie Hunman on the other hand..

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 07/08/2016 00:59

Oh Special, your beauty has given you a defective Hot Man detector. Wink I'd pass a wet weekend with Charlie Hunman but only if there was absolutely nothing else to occupy my time.

WannaBe · 07/08/2016 01:04

It's subjective though, surely? What to one is attractive surely isn't to someone else and vice versa. And the reality is that once you get to know someone, it doesn't matter how attractive they are (or aren't), eventually their personality will shine through, so it doesn't matter how beautiful someone is, if they're a complete bitch or bastard, their looks will pale into insignificance, likewise if they are a lovely person, how unattractive they are will become irrelevant. Unless you are the shallow type who dismisses people on the basis of their looks in which case you are incredibly unattractive.

I am apparently not attractive. I was also born blind and thus blessed with the inability to see that for myself in the mirror. Wink however, it also means that I can only ever judge people based on who they are rather than how they look.....

Many years ago I was on a bus home from boarding school, it was a long journey and I had fallen asleep. I woke to hear the two girls opposite me talking about me. One of them said "she's blind." And then went on to say "and you know, she's not very pretty, but she seems nice." And then "but I feel sorry for her, she'll probably never find a husband, because she's not pretty and she has a disability as well." Back then it mattered. Of course it did. But now? If people think I'm ugly that's their lookout. I find shallowness incredibly unattractive, and being a shallow bitch is something which people can control.....

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 01:08

Bunty, blasphemy! Pure blasphemy! Grin I'm sure we can agree on someone

SandyPantz · 07/08/2016 01:17

Mixed bag

When I gain weight bus drivers can never change a £5, and are really horrible about it. When I'm at my slimmer weight It's never questioned, ever, and they're always nicer to me.

I once ballooned hugely due to medication, it was the only time I have ever been obese, and I felt like out and about, I was either totally invisible (shop assistants would ask other people if they needed help and not me etc) or else I was used as an outlet for them having a bad day (disproportionate rage if they were walking behind me and I was walking slower than them etc)

On the other hand, I have a good friend who is realy (I mean really) beautiful, not as in "oh my friend is so pretty" like everyone says, this woman is beautiful. Other women can be vile to her for no reason. As a result her confidence is actually quite low and she's very self apologetic all the time.. but it's always assumed (by women) that she's massively confident and premiscuous. It's even been violent, I was at a bar chatting with her, we hadn't been chatting to/looking for men, just catching up, and another woman walked up and punched her and had a go at her because the crazy woman's boyfriend had been looking at her.

wizzywig · 07/08/2016 01:17

I was a hottie in my early to mid 20s. I worked in an office with young men and older women. The men wouldnt take me seriously and women i think didnt like me. I never got invited to lunch with the women, only the men. Now im older im totally invisible. Sometimes i would like a guy other than my husband to take a second glance at me. Yes life was easier when i was slim with pert boobs and a nice arse. Now im knackered and definately more sturdy looking noone bothers with me anymore

SandyPantz · 07/08/2016 01:19

There's a reason why the stereotype is gorgeous women are bitches!

Some of my most attractive friends are the least bitchy, they know how it feels, they've had people like you think they need taking down a peg or two their whole lives!

maddiemookins16mum · 07/08/2016 01:20

Regardless of what we think.......slim (or even slimish), a touch of make up, nice clothes etc......it always helps (regardless as to if we agree or not). It makes us more an attractive "catch". No use pretending otherwise.......nobody wanted to be left with the spotty boy or the fat, plain girl (me).

SandyPantz · 07/08/2016 01:26

Whereas some (and I do emphasise the word some) people who have been naturally beautiful all their lives, can have little to no personality, so in truth they're quite boring

I think some very beautiful women are guarded initially around other women, having had so many judge them unfavourably just for being beautiful. It's not a lack of personality, they have personality, they just reserve it for people who give them a chance.

My ex worked with a girl who had done some page 3 modelling. His female colleagues were VILE to her, REALLY vile. So she hung out with the men, so according to the women she had no personality and that's why her only friends were men who were only friends with her for "one reason". I liked her, I thought she was lovely, and she was very interesting once you got chatting to her.

Dripdrop · 07/08/2016 01:30

I wouldn't class myself attractive but I'm not the worst looking and I find I get lots of perks. I like to think it's because of my personality but I suspect while that might be part of it my looks play a part too.

Plus, research has shown that attractive people generally do better in life.

TuppencePenny · 07/08/2016 01:32

WannaBe

What vile things for children to say. It's funny how the negative comments stick with you forever. I hope it doesn't upset you any more.

I'm actually concerned at how society is growing more and more preoccupied with appearance it's frightening. Even the best looking people I know are wracked with insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. We have to stop using something as arbitrary as physical appearance as a barometer of self worth but I don't see anything changing in the near future.