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Original poster

Is life harder for unattractive people?

512 replies

CherryPicking · 06/08/2016 23:04

I know life can be hard for lots of reasons, and that discrimination can take many forms more serious than this, but putting all other factors aside just for now, is day to day life that little bit harder for less attractive people? For example, are people less likely to be accepting of someone behaving assertively, either at work or elsewhere, if the person in question isn't easy on the eye? (I'm not much to look at myself if that makes any difference). What about things like job interviews or social situations, meeting new people?

OP posts:
MermaidTears · 07/08/2016 00:11

umbongo if you earn so much money, why are you on benefits? As you previously said in another post. Or was you meaning it as an example of what people might think of a beautiful woman?

CanadaMoose · 07/08/2016 00:12

I consider myself to be good looking. I also look young for my age, which means I struggle finding work amd interviewers often don't take me seriously. I've actually had an interviewer "call me out on my bullshit" because I can't have possibly worked full time for 3 years after finishing 4 years of uni.

People all have struggles, some based on appearance, some not. If I was ugly and looked mid-twenties, maybe I'd have found a job faster.

UmbongoUnchained · 07/08/2016 00:14

I used to be in benefits. I'm not anymore...

MargaretCavendish · 07/08/2016 00:16

And for the record, I have had two free Pret coffees, but I don't think this the mark of attractiveness it's held up to be on this thread!

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 07/08/2016 00:18

Life is most definitely tougher for people whose looks wouldn't even be described as 'average'.

MermaidTears · 07/08/2016 00:24

The other day I was walking to tesco and I randomly thought to myself, I wonder what it would be like to spend just one day, breathtakingly beautiful, to turn heads as I walked. Must actually be quite weird to be stared at? Guess I'll never know Wink

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/08/2016 00:24

cherry I find Sometimes being invisible has its advantages.

Other times it can be very lonely and I have to say I've settled for far less than I deserve with pretty much every thing.

I have probably lost out on jobs as a result of my incredible ability to look like I've been run over and dragged for miles, even when wearing suits/smart clothing. To the point I don't think I'll ever leave my shitty job as no where else will have me.

I've never been short of "offers" with men but this whole thing of meeting someone you find attractive both in body and mind and that person feeling the exact same way without being drunk.... well I'll never have that.... and I can't get married can I'll look ridiculous. Good job I do think want to I guess.

I'd give anything to be beautiful

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 00:29

Canada I've had the opposite. I'm a SAHM now, but had two jobs I was totally unqualified for beforehand. I was 19 with the first one, and fell out with a friend because she was the best suited to the job, but I got it because the boss was a raging misogynist. I'm ashamed 8 years down the track, but at 19 I was only thinking that I needed the money, not that I was taking away my friend's dream 'first job'

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2016 00:32

YANBU. People are very friendly to me because of my looks. I've gotten discounts at cinemas, extra wine at restaurants, never in my life paid for a drink when out with friends pre-marriage etc. Yes there are horrible downsides (the constant male pestering being one) but I am very aware that I get an easier ride because of my appearance.

You never in your life paid for a drink from your own pocket when out with friends? Confused

Surely that has more to do with you, than your appearance?

I mean that you find it acceptable to let other people pay your way for you?

Why would you not at least buy these people a drink in return?

MarriedinMaui · 07/08/2016 00:32

I got a free hot chocolate in pret once. But I was 9 months pregnant so I think it was awe/pitty rather than my looks (average).

My weight has varied a bit post babies and I definitely find that people I don't know well are more interested in chatting when I am thinner.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 00:33

Thank you Garlic, I was worried I'd seem arrogant; but I despise false modesty/fishing/lying when it comes to physical appearance.

Oh Giles Sad I've seen many of your posts here. No matter what you look like, you are beautiful. You're sensitive, witty, caring, stand up to arseholes and you're a Buffy fan! You're beautiful where it really matters, even if a lot of idiots care more about the wrapping paper than the gift.

Eliza22 · 07/08/2016 00:35

Yes. I think it's true. And it's sad, isn't it?

I'm not beautiful but I am attractive and as a younger woman was often described as a stunning young lady. I'm 54 now. I still look fine. I was a nurse for 26 years and the best compliment I ever had was from a rather brusque consultant who would come on to the ward and always ask for me, by name. When asked why, he said "she is the only one who always knows what's going on and doesn't waste my time". Smile He was a real old school Prof who treated some of the poorliest of patients and I took this as a huge recommendation.

And I will never eat in Pret a Manger again.

IamtheZombie · 07/08/2016 00:36

WTAF?

Is this for real? If it is, it's nasty. Very nasty.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 00:36

Worra because my friends (at the time) and I were hard party-ers. We didn't go out unless it was to a club, and none of them ever bought me drinks, and a few of them never had to pay for their own either. Of course I shouted mates back then.

I didn't mean coffee/tea, I meant alcoholic drinks at clubs before I settled down.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 07/08/2016 00:37

I suppose the downside of being blindingly beautiful is that the ageing process is that bit harder to handle. Not for all, but I'm sure a lot of people must keenly feel the passing of their looks.

LauderSyme · 07/08/2016 00:37

I suffer with depression and anxiety and have horribly low self esteem. I am frequently convinced I am freakishly ugly and it's debilitating. I once embarrassed a whole roomful of people into pained silence when I wistfully asked a beautiful female colleague what it's like to be so good looking. I often lack a filter and I really wanted to know! Blush

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 00:37

And I didn't buy them drinks in return because they were random men in a club.

MarriedinMaui · 07/08/2016 00:37

I had the same thought worra

Never in your life? Really? I'm not surprised you got loads of unwanted male attention. I've always preferred to buy my own drinks because if you say yes to being brought one by a stranger doesn't that mean they feel entitled to talk to you?

UmbongoUnchained · 07/08/2016 00:38

Oh and worra those are words that others have used to describe me, not ones I'd choose myself Grin

When I look in the mirror I just see me. Nothing overly special.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2016 00:39

Yes Special I assumed you meant alcohol.

I'm still stunned that you never paid for a drink in your life and never bought drinks in return.

Dickcheese · 07/08/2016 00:40

I've thought this before. I'm not the hottest person in the world at all, in fact I look back at pictures and think 'really?' Once at a uni open day I asked someone for directions and two guys were arguing over who could take me and my mum was like 'I don't see the fascination with you' haha.

But I've had free train rides, taxi rides, days out, drinks.

I work with teenagers so in job interviews they tend to like me more than other candidates (very shallow) and in a previous life I was a stripper, so I was even able to make money out of how I look. But to be honest I think it's more about attitude than looks. Some very average looking people have people wrapped round their fingers because they have confidence and something about them but some beautiful people lack confidence and actually blend into the background

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2016 00:40

And I didn't buy them drinks in return because they were random men in a club.

I don't get that Confused

You accepted drinks from random men in a club, so why wouldn't you buy them a drink back?

Or at least once or twice in your life?

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/08/2016 00:41

Aw thanks special Smile

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 07/08/2016 00:42

Dickcheese men and women can often have completely different ideas about what makes a woman beautiful. So to them you were obviously a stunna!

my mum was like 'I don't see the fascination with you'

Mothers!

Canyouforgiveher · 07/08/2016 00:43

I think lots of people can be ugly as sin and do great and have people love them and think they are great etc. but all things being equal yes I do think it helps if you are attractive.

in fact tonight I was having a conversation with my 19 year old about work etc. And I said to him that he has an advantage because he is attractive looking - not model looks or anything like but he is a good looking, healthy looking kid with nice teeth. He is also a nice kid but the looks help him in interviews/engaging with people etc.

I was pretty when young - not chocolate box pretty but pretty nice looking. I am now older and fatter but I still have the confidence that I am pretty nice looking in any situation. I have no doubt in the world but that my looks influenced my confidence long-term but also meant that when I walked into any new situation my looks were going to be a bit of a help.

I can see that really beautiful people might get the opposite effect.

I can also say that nothing - absolutely nothing - in my life has been as helpful as having

  1. Loving decent interesting parents
  2. Intelligence and education

Both of these were way more helpful than looks. But looks are also helpful.

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