To start ANOTHER thread that no-one responds to?

[VanillaSugar]

Go on. You know you want to. Either don't post or help me get to a thousand posts (again). Please sing, laugh, quote Jane Austen and post pictures of Aiden Turner in the buff.

Not even a bottom raisin to give the fame away.

But do you get up to change your sheets hourly throughout the night, Alice? That's the real test.

I use a toilet brush to scrub myself clean.
Don't worry I buy a brand new one each day.
Do you think a footner body stocking would be effective against ossification?

This.

I take the puppy for a walk and come back to 4 pages!
Which includes the rather dirty minded:

Come rub my tree of love!!!! - I think the pic posted by toad illustrated it perfectly

Posting pictures of garlic that look like a vulva (glad others thought that too), a small erect penis with big balls and strangely swollen balls with big penis.

You lot are filthy. I'm definitely staying.

Can you imagine the peeling pleasure?

IKEA sell toilet brushes for 35p so wouldn't even be that expensive an option.

I use a toilet duck fresh brush. I don't like to touch myself with anything.

Went up to 5 pages whilst I wrote that ^

I use disposable blue roll in place of bedsheets. I don't want to contaminate my washing machine with skin cells, and anyway there's no time between 90 degree service washes for any actual laundry.

Fucking, fucking super dry night time nappies.

Why do they only leak when DS is in my bed?

I don't like to touch myself with anything.

Now there is dirty then there is just tmi

I sleep in a full size condom. Just in case.

Are you making nappies out of expensive Japanese outerwear?

That sucks, it is bloody unfair and shit. . My three year old got up, went to the loo, failed to wipe properly, went back to bed with no pants. His sheets were clean. We're.

I give my washing machine a completely clear girth, just to be on the safe side, Alice - it's at the bottom of the garden, covered with plastic sheeting.

Girth

I may try wrapping his arse in an overpriced coat,

Children should come vacuum packed until they are fully in control of all the mess.

Go for a plus size (more absorbant) and put a reusable nappy wrap over the top. Then wrap three times in cling film and duct tape. Then wrap him in the posh fillet.

I have a new one and I forgot how generally leaky they are.
Babies, not washing machines. It's very easy to be misunderstood on this thread.

berth, berth

It IS plus size.

How will wrapping him in steak help? 😂

RubyCav

You lot are filthy. I'm definitely staying.

Glad you've found a place you can call home.

Nothing penetrates steak.

Steak penetration is, erm, niche...

Those of you with leaky/streaky babies, do use my blue roll top tip above. You're welcome.

Those with steak-y babies please keep hungry smelly dogs well away.

TAAT Alice, steady...