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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents may have stolen my savings

184 replies

notagainnellie · 06/08/2016 07:51

I'm really not sure about this and would love to hear others' opinions.

My parents recently told me there was an account/bond thing in my name that I had known nothing about (I'm in my thirties) and that they were going to cash it in. They needed documents from me as it was all in my name. Also, my godparents had to sign something as well, though I don't see them (neither do my parents - no big reason, just drifted over the years) so I haven't discussed it with them.

The cash was for a significant but not life-changing amount and was issued to me in a cheque. My dm then said that we would be sharing it three ways between me, her and df - they are still together. She asked if I thought that it was fair, so I just said yes Confused and transferred the money to them accordingly. The more I think about it, this was an account or whatever set up for me on my birth (hence the involvement of my god-parents) and my parents have now taken two thirds of it. It's also odd that I was never told about it imo - as if they had decided years ago that I wasn't to have it...

Fwiw, I know little of their financial circumstances, but df was made redundant about 15 years ago from a professional job and has never attempted to work since, despite being 50ish. Dm took early retirement not long after that. They got a lot of money when his mother died a few years later and moved to a bigger house at that time. They spend a lot on his smoking drinking habits and go abroad quite a bit.

What they spend their money on is nothing to do with me, I know that, but I am going through a divorce which will cost me as I was the only earner. I am comfortable, but have to worry about money quite a bit and still don't know the outcome of the divorce. This money was great, but a bit more of it would have been even better!

I just can't shake this feeling that they have taken what is mine and I don't know how to feel about it.

OP posts:
gingerboy1912 · 07/08/2016 19:18

So was it an insurance policy that matured and a representative from the company such as Royal Liver came round with a cheque. ? My parents took out loads of those little insurance policies and one of them would mature every few years. They took one out in mine and my siblings names and paid a few pounds a month for 25 years and then when they matured I received a cheq not for much but it was several hundred pounds and it came in very useful. If it was then I think it's a bit shitty to want 2/3 of it off of you. Hmm

xmb53 · 07/08/2016 19:19

You knew nothing about it. So you'd have never missed it as you never really had it in the first place.

Either move on and trust that your parents need might be greater than yours - or challenge it, if you think you've been treated unfairly. I'd ignore it. After all, you only have one set of parents and they could be around for some time to come.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 07/08/2016 19:20

They're supposed to be your heroes but they're ordinary, to quote a Foo Fighters song.

Sara107 · 07/08/2016 19:24

Just thinking about this thread a bit more, and there was a 'Moneybox Live' on Radio 4 dealing with exactly this topic, being cheated / defrauded etc by family or friends. It's apparently widespread and there is a charity and helpline who can advise you on what if anything can be done. I can't remember the date, but it was probably sometime in June, you might be able to track it down on iPlayer or Radio 4 website and get the details. You might be able to get expert advice that way.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 07/08/2016 19:24

you only have one set of parents and they could be around for some time to come. Yes but why would anyone want to be around parents like that Confused

Dianella · 07/08/2016 19:24

This sounds very familiar. Parents often put money into "investments" or "trusts" in children's names when the children are young as a precaution against their early deaths or as a tax-efficient form of saving, but fail to understand that once they do so the money us no longer legally theirs, even though they feel that morally it is. Depending how strongly you feel about this you could ask your parents to explain what the "account" was and who was the legal beneficiary. To be fair, it was your parents' money in the first place and morally you have very little right to it, even if according to the letter of the law you may.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 07/08/2016 19:28

To be fair, it was your parents' money in the first place and morally you have very little right to it, even if according to the letter of the law you may. Confused

RepentAtLeisure · 07/08/2016 19:30

To be fair, it was your parents' money in the first place and morally you have very little right to it, even if according to the letter of the law you may.

We don't know that. I think it could have been a gift from her godparents. It sounds like the OP is in her thirties, if the money has been left alone for 30 years 8-9,000 could come from a token amount.

But when the OP is dealing with parents who resent her needing to be fed and clothes throughout her childhood, she's not going to get any joy from this. I'd consider going NC with them though, they sound awful.

SisterMoonshine · 07/08/2016 19:31

Bloody hell, how useful would that money have been for uni?
My parents didn't pay the parental contributions either so I know how that is. I'm in a lifetime of debt now - maybe I should have done the 'estrangement' thing.

Cantstopeatingchocolate · 07/08/2016 19:45

If the full cheque came made out to you then the account set up was in your name only, probably as a child with parents as signatories.
These bond type accounts nature when child turns 18 or 21 so I guess they maybe forgot about it, had a reminder from bank or whatever and maybe needed some of it. Knowing you're in a good financial situation and thought it would be OK to ask for 'a share'
You need to ask them tho.

Lemonlady22 · 07/08/2016 19:49

are you sure they had your god parents signatures or did they sign it/grt someone else to sign fraudulently...sounds dodgy to me....cant understand you giving the any money though if it was in your name....why didnt you phone the policy company and ask for more information....can you do that now.?

hollyisalovelyname · 07/08/2016 19:49

OP How awful for you to be told by your father that he resents the money he spent on you, his only child.
Is you mother as bad?
If so, I'd be going no contact with them.

Lilacpink40 · 07/08/2016 19:50

Sorry this has happened, but maybe it's the wakeup call that your subconscious has been shouting at you to acknowledge for sometime?

You sound as though you're 'silently' angry in RL, knowing your parents were wrong and doubting yourself, but not being able to vent.

Perhaps it's time to see DP as people first who are able to be mean and thoughtless and don't expect parental care?

Lilacpink40 · 07/08/2016 19:53

Should add my dad doesn't want to see me either so my comments aren't a reflection of you being wrong, but instead of getting emotional distance for your sanity.

SirVixofVixHall · 07/08/2016 20:09

OP could this have bene money left in trust for you by a Grandparent? Trusts can be set up so that the person gets the money at a certain age, not necessarily at 18. Who was the cheque from? I think you do need to find out. You have given them the money, and I completely understand why and feel you were bullied and manipulated into doing so. However now, in your place, I would want to know the truth- that would be more important to me than the £6,000 you've been done out of. If this was money left to you by a Granparent then it is utterly immoral of your parents to take it and spend it. It may not be stealing in that you "agreed", but in my mind it absolutely is stealing, and I'm sure if someone has left YOU that money, that is how they would view it. You need to do some fishing, trace the source of the cheque, and find out what the funds were. Don't continue to be bullied OP. Find out the truth, it may be helpful to you in the future to know exactly what has gone on. You could call your Godparents perhaps.

hookiewookie29 · 07/08/2016 20:18

That is a really shitty thing to do.
We opened an investment account for both our kids when they were born, to mature when they turn 18.
DS was 18 in May and we were overjoyed to give him the cheque. He bought his first car with it.
Over the past 18 years, we have had some very lean and hard times. Things aren't brilliant financially now, but, even if we were down to our last penny, I would never have asked for any of his money.Because that's what it is....HIS money, not ours.
For your parents to take two thirds of your money is disgusting.Although you agreed to it, I think they put you on the spot and you weren't sure what else to do. It wasn't their money, they saved it for you.

elfies · 07/08/2016 20:21

I'm wondering if this money was from your fathers parents , as a way of bypassing your father ,
My great grandparents did something similar with my grandfather , and his share of an inheritance was paid to his eight surviving children including my dad .
If this is the case then NO money was intended for your father .

Memoires · 07/08/2016 20:33

Why don't you ask your mum, just in passing, no big deal. It may be that it was money she squirrelled away since you were born for a rainy day, interest on it etc. It may turn out that giving you 1/3 was quite generous as none of it was yours!

Alicebannedit · 07/08/2016 20:38

My thoughts have been running along the same lines as SirVix and Elfies, and someone earlier on suggested the money might have been an inheritance from your father's father. If you don't feel able to talk to your parents about it, perhaps you could obtain a copy of your paternal grandfather's will? I also wondered if your parents wedding was a 'shotgun' one, and your father may have had no intention of marrying your mother, and felt himself trapped, which might explain some of his attitude?

I hope you reach some closure on this and soon reach less troubled waters!Flowers

Lovingit81 · 07/08/2016 21:03

That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. I can't ever imagine doing that to my children. It was set up in your name so it was yours! Don't beat yourself up for saying it was ok because subconsciously you probably felt like you should say it was ok, or maybe you didn't quite realise the whole situation. But yes I agree with you, they have duped you into giving over what was yours and really you should have known about that money when you came of age. Show them this mumsnet thread!! I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt you but it is morally wrong. Best of luck X

Adnerb95 · 07/08/2016 22:02

having something "set up in your name" can mean a number of things from - a Unit Trust investment or savings plan with parental or third party funding with your name attached, in a fairly casual way to a Trust arrangement where, if there are Trustees - perhaps including your godparents? - then they are obliged to distribute the money in line with the original Trust terms and conditions. This would usually mean passing it down the generations to the beneficiary/Ives named in the original Trust document.
If they haven't done this, then they ARE breaking the law - and potentially are evading tax, to boot!

AcrossthePond55 · 07/08/2016 23:02

No probs, Buttered. It's all good.

llanfairpwllgwyngyll · 07/08/2016 23:13

I wonder if your parents are going to declare this 'gift' to the taxman???

I invest into junior ISAs for my children in lump sums as and when I can and am fully aware that the money cannot be touched until they reach 18 - and I would certainly not expect to have access to it: for further education ideally.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 07/08/2016 23:14

Sounds dodgy the fact your godparents had to sign and that they asked you at a low point in your life (if they knew about the divorce and why) tbh. Sounds like you've been manipulated all your life and the fact you even say that of course you wouldn't contact a solicitor, I think they know that. Sorry to hear this, it sounds awful and the fact your dad hasn't worked since 43 and has a gambling and alcohol problem sounds like he's blaming his own problems on you as a scapegoat.

Cabrinha · 07/08/2016 23:36

Just based on every thing else you've says about them, I'd say it's guaranteed they were cheating you out of money.

The fact that they asked you if it was "fair" suggests very strongly that was they wanted to do was not what would normally be done.

It does sound like a policy they paid into for you and feel that as they paid in they should have it. I hope it is that, as there's a vague reason why you could see their sense of entitlement.

Honestly, even though I'd know the money wasn't coming back and I wouldn't fight it now, I'd need to know.

And I'd use my divorce and financial disclosure process as my way in. I'd tell them that we had had to declare any money received such as bonuses or inheritance or endowment in last 2 years, and now my solicitor was asking for the policy for the records. I might even go so far as to lie and say "my solicitor said that it's possible XH will accuse me of giving 2/3 to you do that I could hide dispose of my asset, with the intention you give in back after the divorce is finalised - apparently hiding / disposing of assets is really common. So I've been asked to give her a copy of the policy so she can see it was a family policy, not mine only".