Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents may have stolen my savings

184 replies

notagainnellie · 06/08/2016 07:51

I'm really not sure about this and would love to hear others' opinions.

My parents recently told me there was an account/bond thing in my name that I had known nothing about (I'm in my thirties) and that they were going to cash it in. They needed documents from me as it was all in my name. Also, my godparents had to sign something as well, though I don't see them (neither do my parents - no big reason, just drifted over the years) so I haven't discussed it with them.

The cash was for a significant but not life-changing amount and was issued to me in a cheque. My dm then said that we would be sharing it three ways between me, her and df - they are still together. She asked if I thought that it was fair, so I just said yes Confused and transferred the money to them accordingly. The more I think about it, this was an account or whatever set up for me on my birth (hence the involvement of my god-parents) and my parents have now taken two thirds of it. It's also odd that I was never told about it imo - as if they had decided years ago that I wasn't to have it...

Fwiw, I know little of their financial circumstances, but df was made redundant about 15 years ago from a professional job and has never attempted to work since, despite being 50ish. Dm took early retirement not long after that. They got a lot of money when his mother died a few years later and moved to a bigger house at that time. They spend a lot on his smoking drinking habits and go abroad quite a bit.

What they spend their money on is nothing to do with me, I know that, but I am going through a divorce which will cost me as I was the only earner. I am comfortable, but have to worry about money quite a bit and still don't know the outcome of the divorce. This money was great, but a bit more of it would have been even better!

I just can't shake this feeling that they have taken what is mine and I don't know how to feel about it.

OP posts:
1weekdown5togo · 06/08/2016 09:10

If it was a lot more money, say into the tens of thousands, I would say do something about it but at that amount I would just leave it although it is definitely out of order. I could possibly understand if they were in dire straits and suggested 50:50.

Pearlman · 06/08/2016 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Graceflorrick · 06/08/2016 09:17

I was asked the same, so shared mine. My DSIS was able to keep her entire amount. It's frustrating but money isn't an issue for me, so I gave just glossed over it Smile

SlimCheesy2 · 06/08/2016 09:19

I think the OP was in a really difficult position. It is hard to say no to your own parents in such a situation, and it sounds like they were basically saying 'we saved it for you, so you owe us'. Sure she paid it over, but would you start kicking up a fuss and possibly involving solicitors and bad feeling when you are already quite financially pressurised and going through a divorce?

I think the OP's parents have behaved utterly appallingly.

PeppermintPasty · 06/08/2016 09:19

I'm with you OP, I think it's an odd thing for your parents to do. Do they have a history of this sort of thing? How's your relationship with them generally?

I ask because there's a few people here saying 'why did you agree' etc etc, but the thing is, for example, I'm a stately homer, my mother was/still tries to be a dominant force in my life, and it's very difficult dealing with her sometimes, even at my grand old age.

Fwiw, I would be bloody fuming, and yes, kicking myself for agreeing, but my own immediate reaction is that they took advantage of you.

chipsandpeas · 06/08/2016 09:20

it is a bit dishonest putting money in your name with you not knowing about it however i dont see what you can do about it now, you agreed to send the money back
im of the opinion yes the money was legally yours however you didnt know about it or contribute to it so it wasnt really yours in the first place

you could always dig a big deeper and contact the company involved and ask for some kind of statement to show when it was open and deposits etc and try to speak to your GPs but you risk causing a massive rift

Roussette · 06/08/2016 09:21

Typical selfish baby boomers
How bloody rude, and I won't grace this post with further comment as it speaks for itself. And who posted it.

OP, are you going to ask them? Even if this is OK, you should have been entitled to half surely. And bearing in mind they have never supported you financially, I would be spitting feathers. Did it catch you unawares which is why you didn't question them more... I just can't imagine signing something that I didn't understand. Maybe there's a lesson to be learned here...

Personally, unless you are estranged from them now, you really need to ask them what it was all about. Could it have been a gift from your godparents? If so, what they've done is very underhand.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/08/2016 09:23

How very generous of you to gift your parents 2/3 of the money! I don't think I would have done that. I might have considered giving them half, as they come as a unit, but certainly not 2/3 of it. I'm actually somewhat outraged on your behalf that they had the brass neck to ask and can 100% guarantee that they wouldn't have done so if they hadn't needed your signature - in which case your title would have been much more accurate!

I don't think there's anything you can do about it now, sadly, but if they ask you to do the same again, I really wouldn't.

NervousRider · 06/08/2016 09:25

My children have got savings from birthday and christmas money. A few years back my DH was at risk of redundancy and so we looked into what we could claim benefit wise etc.

Transpired that as the children had savings and were under 18 we would be entitled to nothing as these savings were classed as accessible to us to use.

If it had come to it then I would have had to use this money to keep the house etc.....fortunately it all worked out in the end but if it happened again then I would.

I have dipped into one child's savings as they wanted extra horse riding lessons and I couldn't afford another £150 that month

Pearlman · 06/08/2016 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
notagainnellie · 06/08/2016 09:27

£2.8K was just my share. I doubt very much it was a gift from the godparents as we have never been close, and I think they were only chosen as there was no one else tbh. I can't think where it would have come from tbh.

I'm not going to do anything about it and I'm sure I do sound like a grumbler but there it is. I feel stupid as I should have asked about it and I didn't, but it did take me unawares and I was happy to be coming into any money as H and I had just split. We just don't have the most open of relationships, and I have very little relationship with df at all, but don't want to upset my mother or cause awkwardness.

OP posts:
Pearlman · 06/08/2016 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dandelion6565 · 06/08/2016 09:31

Wow your parents ripped you off.
That money was all yours.
The money would have been left in a will I'd guess, the reason that you all needed to sign? ( whoever left you the money knew your parents well)

Sadly it all of your own making now. Ask more questions! Don't sign anything over! Say no!!

MatildaTheCat · 06/08/2016 09:34

I couldn't leave it without understanding the whole situation. I can't think of a reasonable explanation but perhaps one exists. Do ask them in a casual way what is the back story to this account and how they have split the cash.

If they are difficult about telling you then it does sound underhand.

LotsOfShoes · 06/08/2016 09:34

OP, you're a grown woman in her 30s. You made a decision. They didn't steal from you.

SuperFlyHigh · 06/08/2016 09:38

You really can't do much about it now, if you did instruct a solicitor it would cost you money and they'd probably advise against you proceeding with this flimsy case.

I do wonder though (very slight bit of drip feeding here from you OP!) considering what you know about your DPs attitude to you re money (eg not paying for/towards various life changing choices, unless they really couldn't ever afford it) why on earth you gave them a share of this small windfall in the first place? It shows skewed logic on their behalf to think they're entitled to a share of your money and skewed logic on your behalf (though you were going through a divorce) that you rolled over and let them have their monetary share.

I don't think it's a NC sort of event with your DP but I'd personally in the future steer well clear of conversations they or you bring up casually re money.

Missgraeme · 06/08/2016 09:38

Swindled. .

Original poster
notagainnellie · 06/08/2016 09:49

I will not in a million years be instructing a solicitor over this! Agree it's a lesson for the future. Didn't mean to drip=feed but didn't want the OP to be longwinded and moany Smile.

OP posts:
ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 06/08/2016 09:51

OP, you're not a grumbler at all. Your parents did something dodgy either way.
People spouting the OP was a fool have no idea how some parents can manipulate their own children. Some parents actually don't do their best for their own flesh and blood believe it or not Hmm
OP, if this was me I'd have to get to the bottom/truth, I couldn't let it go, it would play on my mind until it was resolved or I felt I'd done all I could to find out. Then if it turned out my parents had ripped me off I'd have nothing more to do with them. Of course that is your decision to make though.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 06/08/2016 09:53

They weren't your savings though because you definitely didn't save the money. You don't even know where it came from Hmm
I'm guessing they put money aside in the account either thinking they would give it to you at some point or thinking it was a tax dodge. Either way, it sounds as though it was originally their money.
Legally, yes, it was in your name but tbh I'm struggling to understand why you would feel emotionally connected to it. You know you didn't put the funds into that account.
But there is so much of the detail that you're hazy on, it's probably best you speak to your parents. It may help you feel more at peace with what happened when you actually do know where the money came from and their intention when they opened the account.

Ruhrpott · 06/08/2016 09:57

My Mum did similar when I was 18. She had paid into a life insurance over the years and wanted the money when it matured. Her argument was she had paid it in case she needed it for our funeral and since I hadn't died she wanted the money signing over to her. I agreed and signed it all over to her. To be fair my Dad had died and she needed the money.

Beeziekn33ze · 06/08/2016 10:01

Just ask your parents where it came from, no one on here knows although some posters are ready to guess. Ask for a copy the paperwork, 'for tax reasons' or whatever.
You may find that you can ask your mother without upsetting her.
The heading of your OP is misleading as no 'stealing' was involved.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 06/08/2016 10:03

Ruhrpott I'm not sure if I'm reading your post correctly but I've never heard of a parent taking out life insurance cover to pay for their own child's funeral, their own funeral yes but not a child's.

Ruhrpott · 06/08/2016 10:06

Well that's what she said it was. It was in the times of the man coming round to collect the premiums so I think it was some kind of life insurance premium that would have paid out if we died and matured when we were 18. I know she has one too to "pay for her funeral" and it was always important to her to have funeral expenses covered.

Roussette · 06/08/2016 10:07

I quite understand you not doing anything about it BUT I would have to know what it's all about and depending on your relationship with your DPs, I would need to let them know I know (about them perhaps having what they shouldn't).

This isn't like taking a couple of quid from the kids moneybox because you've run out of change, this is more than that as OP is a grown woman who has her her difficulties with divorce etc. But your agreement in this has sadly meant what's done is done, but I would still need to know the ins and outs.

Swipe left for the next trending thread